Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

can you cuddle/hold/sooth your baby too much?

39 replies

missytequila · 04/08/2010 15:03

my husband keeps saying I should let my 4 month old cry...obviously after a feed/change, etc when it seems to be for no reason except wanting to be held and cuddled. but i have a real problem letting her scream. he says I am spoiling her and setting myself up with a bad habit of always running to her when she cries.. what do you do? think about letting babies cry?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TanteRose · 04/08/2010 15:04

you can never cuddle your baby too much - you cannot "spoil" a tiny baby...your DH is wrong, sorry...

mamaloco · 04/08/2010 15:22

No, when they are that small they cry because something is wrong. when they start to understand/talk that is another matter.

Morloth · 04/08/2010 15:26

Nope and I have a supremely confident independent 6 year old to prove it.

My 4 month old is sound asleep right now on my lap, you will blink and she won't want to sit with you because she will have better things to be doing.

Hold her close while you can.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Aitch · 04/08/2010 15:27

you cannot.

Habbibu · 04/08/2010 15:29

No, you can't. Tell him not to worry - what you're doing is developing her sense of security, trust and safety, so that as she gets older she will be confident and secure, and an easier child to manage for it! 4 months is tiny, really tiny. I held and cuddled dd all the time - she is now (if I say so myself!) a really lovely, easy to get on with little 4yo, who has boundaries and knows she has to stick to them, and who is happy confident and secure.

Habbibu · 04/08/2010 15:30

Almost 4yo, I meant.

PuraVida · 04/08/2010 15:40

No, i cuddled and carried and held ds pretty much continuously while he wanted it, now, he's 13 mths, i'm lucky to get a 2 second hug a day

Aitch · 04/08/2010 15:40

i have met her and can concur with hab's assessment. (we just won't mention my cuddled two... ) men are weird about the crying thing, a lot of them weren't cuddled enough themselves i reckon.

Bicnod · 04/08/2010 15:43

You can't spoil a 4mo. Follow your instincts.

Enjoy the cuddles while you can get them - my 15mo DS gives me half a cuddle a day if I'm lucky (and then he's impatiently pulling away as he's far too busy to indulge in such things).

thumbwitch · 04/08/2010 15:46

Agree with everyone else here - cuddle your baby as much as you like, it will help him to feel secure and loved. Your DH is wrong and old-fashioned and has not the same instincts as you do - go with what you feel is right for you and your baby.

I barely put DS down for the first several months - found it very hard to let him cry when I could stop it so easily by picking him up! He is a lovely cuddly 2.8yo now, a bit clingy perhaps but not anything terrible - and very happy, outgoing and confident with other people. Secure, see.

thumbwitch · 04/08/2010 15:47

Sorry, him her for your baby

HavingAnOffDAy · 04/08/2010 15:51

Totally agree with everyone else - you cannot cuddle your baby enough.

My DH actually asked the HV as he was worried about this .

She was a complete old bag very old school & I expected to be told YES is a very firm voice, but even she said no. Her explanation was that it helps them to grow into confident children.

And they grow up soooooooooooo quickly - get the cuddles while you can!

Poohbearsmom · 04/08/2010 15:51

My dh used to say the same! He'd say he'l get used to it and wont want to be anywhere else (rightly so where's nicer then a snugly cuddle!) But ds1 was non putdownable!! He had tummy trouble and was sore when lying flat so would wake after max 20min and take an hr to get back to sleep, hard work ... But other then that i was lucky to have him to cuddle and im glad i did hold him so much (pretty much the whole first 6 months of his life ) but it passes so quickly love it while you can

cyteen · 04/08/2010 15:52

I don't understand why people say things like this. Babies are made cuddly for a reason! Follow your instincts and hold her all you like; I'm another one with a happy, confident toddler who has to be pinned down for a cuddle these days, and he was always in my arms when he was tiny.

CMOTdibbler · 04/08/2010 15:54

No, you can't. DS has always been held, responded to, and not left to cry if we can possibly help it. At 4, he is super, super confident, not at all clingy, sleeps like an angel, and is gorgeously kissy, cuddly and lovable

thumbwitch · 04/08/2010 15:57

Put it like this - you're never going to regret cuddling your baby too much - you might regret not doing it enough...

littlebellsmum · 04/08/2010 15:59

my mil used to ay the same and so, i'd say it was wind everytime and give her a cuddle.
on no 3 now and this one is unputdownable , so I'm enjoying it, as it really won't last long at all
just enjoy it

nagoo · 04/08/2010 16:03

Well, you ae making a rod for your own back here...

No not really!

I held mine all the time, co slept for a bit. I just did whatever was best for us at first. I wanted a happy baby.

Now he is 3.3. As soon as he could understand I was 'hardcore Mummy'. He still gets as many cuddles as I can coerce him to give me, but we definitely have a disipline regime, and he does what he's told, sleeps etc.

I agree with thumbwitch that they need security first

TurtleAnn · 04/08/2010 16:39

No, cuddle away
I miss my teeny baby, cuddle more, they grow up so fast and then all you remember is the blasted routine instead of the cuddles.

LynetteScavo · 04/08/2010 16:40

No.

Follow your gut instinct.

tingelingle · 04/08/2010 16:46

there's a thread just been posted today about a child that has been cuddled to sleep for 22 months and has just learnt to self sooth. Recommend you read that as there are lots of similar stories in reply. The conclusion being, no rods were made for any backs and cuddle away. I have to make my DD cuddle me now with promises of snacks sigh

Indaba · 04/08/2010 16:56

I live in South Africa....without reverting to stereotypes .....if I'm out and about and I hear a baby cry I know it'll be the one shoved in a pram, facing away from mum, on its own. I so rarely hear a baby cry thats being carried either on a back or a front.......cuddle away girl!

zisforzebra · 04/08/2010 17:01

No you can't. Go with your instincts.

We held ours all the time and co-slept until they were both well over a year old. We got endless hassle from MIL and my mum about how they'd never allow themselves to be put down and they'd be in our bed for years. They are now very secure, confident boys aged 6ys and 8yrs who sleep in their own beds with no problem.

Make the most of it while you can as the only way I get a cuddle these days is by stealth and ambush!

snugglejunkie · 04/08/2010 17:21

It makes me that people feel they have to ask this question, seen similar threads a few times. So much guff around about 'rods for backs' etc.

Get in as many as you can - already my 9mo old would rather be off crawling around than on boring mummy's lap . Even if he falls and has a bump I only get a 2min cuddle max before he's squirming to be put down!

However I bring him into bed with me if he does a 4/5am wake up, so I get my cuddles by stealth. Not a habit I'm particularly looking to break anytime soon - they're only little for a very tiny amount of time really.

Enjoy - and don't be guilted out of it!!

mamaloco · 04/08/2010 17:54

after reading that thread and looking at my own DDs, may be that's make them too confident though

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread