Tell me about "larger" age gaps....

[takingtheplunge]

Large in inverted commas as these days everyone seems to think you're a freak if you have more than 2 years btw children and goes on about the "terrible jealousy" etc etc with a bigger gap.

Was hesitantly sort of ttc but a couple of things have happened work wise/financially/etc etc that means it would better to hold off for a few more months. Also realised the idea of being pg (HG in 1st pg) right this minute scares the crap out of me. DS goes to preschool from Sept so anything after about sep/oct I suppose for sort of vaguely ttcing again.

This means more like a 3 and a half to 4 year gap between DS and any DC2.
What are all the wonderful things about a 3, 4 or even more age gap?

3.5 may seem a large age gap when they are tiny, but it won't be forever. My 13yo dd and 10yo ds are becoming better and better company for each other: they go into town together and he even accompanies her round Claires (what a man! lol). The verdict of dd's friends apparently is that he is "decent", which strikes me as high praise indeed from a bunch of 13yo girls.

I have a brother who is 3 years younger than me and we did a lot of things together. It's a big enough age gap for the older sibling to enjoy a bit of "mothering" but still small enough to have fun together.

I think a three or four year age gap is usual, not at all a large gap.

I have eleven years between my two youngest. Works well. The older (age 22) can easily babysit the youngest (age 11), even for a full weekend.

3-4 yr is not large
we have 10.5 yrs gap between ours

Well, that's why I put it in inverted commas because for me 3 or even 4 at a push is a normal age gap, not large at all. My brother is 3 years and 1 month younger than me and 3 yrs was pretty standard when we were growing up, but (on MN at least) there seems to have been this shift towards 2 yrs or even less I only know 1 couple with a gap of more than 3 yrs and this was enforced by circumstance...not choice.

Maybe it's because people leave it later and can't afford to hang around, have to cram then in while they're still fertile?

But, I digress.....I would imagine the older one can be a lovely little helper and I would like to be able to really explain to DS about a new baby's arrival, easier if a little older? What about jealousy, does it depend on the personality or is a larger gap more likely to make DC1 jealous? I'd have though not, cos they're less clingy to you, older and more independent???

I've got an 8 year gap. It's hard. Like having 2 separate families.

I have a 4 year 3 month gap between ds1 and ds2 but I have a dd inbetween so that changes things. If I had my time again and no problems with pregnancy and labour I would have had them much much closer together.

why coventgarden?

Had a 5 and 6 age year gap

they can help out more DD can babsit when i go see friends dowb the street

I had 16 month gap between first two- was hard work

I think whatever gap happens in your family you cope with.

I also think a lot of posters have very young children...when they are older it all sort of evens out and other things are more important

Dd was jealous at first: she never said anything, but she did try to hurt little brother. It passed. And, according to another of dd's friends, he is actually now "immense". So there.

Because I think it would have been easier for the kids as they wouldn't have remembered being on their own and ds2 wouldn't be so young compared to ds1 but think he is the same.

I had a 5 year gap ..then a 9 year gap ..I found it worked really well ..older ones loved having a baby brother

i have a 5 year gap - there was very little jealousy at first but now the problem is finding things that they both enjoy doing - i sometimes feel we spend our days with them both taking turns to have fun

having an older child to help with the little one is certainly a big advantage
they do love playing together, but if they were closer in age they would get more from it

Mine were great when the new baby came but for the last few months they just seem to fight all the time, all competition if someone got 1 more cheerio than the other, etc etc.

i have just short of 6 years between my two

pros

DS was at school , so I had one on one time with DD, like I had had when I had DS

DS could fend for himslef a little and i could concentrate on DD

When i was heavily pregnant/just had DD, lots of people willing to take DS out for the day etc as he was almost 6 and therefore not as much trouble , as say if he had been a toddler.

DS could understand and get used to the idea of a sibling in plenty of time, and i could make a fuss of how grown up he was

Cons

DS not pleased at all at a sister. but nowt i could do about that

there was a period of time where it was impossible to do anything with the two of them.. she was too young for anything DS liked, such as cinema, bowling, soft play etc.. that was tough

DH out a lot at evenings and weekends and it was impossiblet o get DS to parties/activities, as would have meant waking DD up to take her out. luckily friends often steped in to collect DS

now they are almost 5 and almost 11 and they play really well together, or happy to do their own thing and ignore each other

there is a fair bit of fighting and DS is convinced i always take DDs side because she is a little girl

but the other day DD was sick and DS was so lovely and protective of her

agree a large age gap is difficult as they all get olfer ie park ok for 4 yr old but boring for 12 year old etc...however, it's just one of those things...is there any 'ideal' age gap ?

I have a 5 year age gap - and so far it's brilliant. It helps that ds is much cleverer than his big sister (harsh but true) and has been able to hold his own in games and things for ages. He worships the ground she walks on, hich helps as well. And now they are older (9 and 14) they go off and do things together - trips to town, swimming and so on.

6 years here. DS1 is 6 and DS2 is 4 months.

Absolute perfection, no jealousy at all, DS1 is an extra set of hands and adores his baby brother, DS2 thinks DS1 is a God of some sort and can't take his eyes off him.

There is 5 years between most of my siblings and me and there is also a 6 year gap between DH and SIL, we all get on really well so not worried in the long term either.

My daughters have a 9yr gap between them due to me having a pulmonary embolus after the first one.

They are great friends now they are older and although I wouldnt have chosen the gap the love is definitely there.

These are very interesting posts, as although I'm assuming we'd not have more than the usual problems conceiving (no problems as far as we know)...obviously it could take longer than planned. The idea is between 3 and 4... nearer 4 than 3.

So, how about a 4 year gap for instance? Pros and cons?

I have a 21 year age gap (do I hold the record?) DS is 22yrs, DD 9 months. Not planned that way - after miscarriages and ectopic thought I'd never have another one, then got lucky .

I have a 13.5 month age gap. I've aged at least 5 years in the last year!

OP you say people think it's weird to have more than a 2 year age gap. By 2 years do you mean between birthdays or after 2 years TTC?

I was told after the birth of my LO to wait at least 2 years (or now I think, was it 3?) before TTC. I was under the impression it was bad for your body?

I have 9 years between DC2&3, and then another 4 years between DC3&4.

The 4 year gap has worked really well - they're very close, practically much easier for me than the under 2 years between 1&2 was, they play together a lot etc. It's worked really well.

The 9 year gap was hard - DD (DC2) had been my baby for 9 years and was very jealous, and this has coloured their relationship ever since. Of the children, those 2 get along the least well.

Morloth, could have nearly written your post, DS is 5 and DD is 6 months.
DS is fantastic with her, never been jealous, is the best person at winding her ( has his own song he made up which he sings while patting her back)and just generally dotes on her and entertains her, it's fab!

DD adores him, is more pleased to see her big brother in the morning than anyone else, she has a special shout for him and I am pretty sure it will be his name she says first.
So glad we had the bigger gap between them.