Mums with a superiority complex.......

[ssd]

How many do you know or do they all live near me?

They wait until your kid is having a temper tantrum then say "Oh mine never behaves like that"

or yours is having a fly swig at your coke when in a cafe and they say "mine never has fizzy drinks"

or when yours is playing with the toy they got in McDonalds they say "I've never taken mine to McDonalds and the oldest is 6".............

WHERE DO THEY GET OFF????

drives me nuts

Message withdrawn

Smugness works both ways. The mum who says her child never has chips/crisps/sweets/treacle on toast has made her parenting decision. The mum who lets her child have them has made her parenting decision. How they put these into action is what matters.

Often, the former mother is smug, but the latter mum can also be a patronising old witch who sneers and says things like "it will do them more harm to deny them". Often mums with older children fall into the latter category.

Personally, DS watches some TV, has some snacky-type things (but not junk, since I know full well he'd not eat anything if he had access to it - plus there'd be less chocolate for me ). But these are my decisions for DS - I don't expect other people to do the same, I'm sure I will make different decisions when I have a younger child too.

Agree, Oops. I think it's weird that saying "DS doesn't have chocolate" is heard as "DS doesn't have chocolate because I am a better mother than you and you are bringing up your children really badly, you shit mother".

I suppose it's just the breast/bottle debate for older children!

A mum's worst enemey is usually another mum.

Doesn't matter which type of parenting you do, or if it is a mix - some mums are smug, some just get on with it. Why be smug - just enjoy your child/ren and the way you coose to live your lifes. There is, IMO, no such thing as a perfect mum, a perfectchild or a perfect type of parentin. All families are different, What suits one may not suit another.

What makes me laugh is the way some people are so mix and match about these things, eg. I never take my children to McD's (but they buy them tons of sweets),or, my children only eat organic food (but they smoke all over them), or, my child was out of nappies at 18 months (but has a dummy at age 5) etc etc

I had a great response to a snotty mum that I was chatting to in the shops the other day. I had just bought my ds yet another Thomas the tank engine dvd and he was engrossed in the cover.
She says to me "Oh does he like TTTE?"
"likes an understatement!"
"how do you mean?"
to which I explain that Ds is autistic and his obsession is anything with wheels(cars, trains, bikes, buggies, shopping trollies etc) and I said
"it will be Thomas all day every day!"
"I don't let my children watch tv, it rots the brain!"
The look on her face was priceless when I told her that I didn't have a choice as my ds(3.5) can work all the electronics in my home including my tv, dvd player and video!!!
That shut her right up!

i blame your ds spursmum as dd2 can work the video and dvd palyer here as well. he taught her i swear!!

being a mum and getting friendly with other mums has always struck me a bit like going back to school. In amongst some really great people you meet some similar to you and some polar opposite, There are always a core few, trying to create a pecking order' they ply their trade masquerading as balanced liberal minded people, but in reality I m sure have massive inferiority complexes. Its like they cant bear for other people to have their own opinions or way of doing things. if you have not asked their advice - they constantly give it, often in a thinly veiled patronising way. They are often the ones who cant wait to do visible 'good deeds', and are generally much happier coming to mess up your house but rarely invite you to theirs (your house is bigger so they have more room to play etc. They say they understand when your kids are naughty but they are first ones to start 'I'm not being nasty but...'

Wouldn't put it past him!!

Re smug mums - I just tell myself that at least my kids won't end up in therapy!

The smug mums I know seem to be smug about everything. Maybe they were smug and annoying before they had kids! And I agree that it's the way you say things and the tone of voice you use, sometimes I could scream when a smug mother says "I don't give my children fizzy drinks" in a lofty voice but opens packets of juice eg. capri sun, fruit shoots etc. What's so great about them that she can sneer at someone giving their kid a drink of lemonade???

But don't you think that it's all about trying to gain some status in life? Parenting/mothering is so undervalued these days and is always compared detrimentally to paid work that mums sometimes have to achieve recognition in other ways. They are looked down on by those in paid employment as not being of any value because they don't earn megabucks, so they try to make themselves feel better by showing that they are at least superior to other mums.

It's usually a sign of insecurity and a sense of low worth.

Bl**dy annoying when it happens though!

I was at a children?s birthday party, the cake was cut and each child handed a bit on a plate. The cake was a lovely home made one with a great iced picture of a hot air balloon.
As soon as the plate was passed to one little girl, her mum standing behind her snatched the plate and scraped off the icing (mainly whte, just a little bit of coloured on the corner of her bit) asked in a loud voice what kind of jam was used and when told it was just from Tesco she promptly scraped it all off into the napkin and left the poor girl with a squashed looking bit of sponge. Mortified, the host just ignored it and carried on. I was gobsmacked - she preceded to do a stage whisper to the embarrassed woman next to her to justify her actions - her DD had no allergies but too much food colouring in anyone?s diet could lead to all sorts of health problems and she was sorry but she wasn?t going to let her DD risk her health even at the expense of looking overprotective...

Dear lord basketcase, how awful for everyone - makes you wonder what sort of birthday cake her own daughter has! Probably made with organic sprouts or something.

You always find though, that these smug mums who "tell it like it is" can't take it when you do the same. I had a 'friend' like this when my DD was tiny. When mine did something like walk early hers was "putting all her energy into thinking" (WTF?). When hers was earlier out of nappies, mine was "slow". She used to look at old photos of both of them together and say "your dd was really ugly wasn't she? Not like mine". (and actually her DD was as ugly as sin )

Needless to say when we met in town last year she was full of what her kids were doing but didn't even ask about mine. You really don't need 'friends" like that.

WHy is it that the Mums whose children don't drink the fizzy pop or eat the junk or watch the TV are the ones always making announcements.

My DS eats choc, watches TV and drinks fizzy pop but I don't announce any of this. It's doesn't warrent discussion or comment. I don't ever offer anything to another child as my DS has so many allergies I am very careful with food.

My question is how is it that I know any of this about her and her parenting style. The reason is that she thinks she should tell the whole world.

Incidentaly the smug Mum that I know who doesn't let her child watch TV, eat sweets or drink fizzy pop, watchs TV herself, eats chocolate like it's going out of fashion and drinks whatever she wants.

Each to their own.
Another thing about this Mum is that her children only to have wooden toys like as if they are somehow intrinicaly better than plastic. She actually announces that she only buys wooden toys. Again I have no problem with wooden toys my DS has lots but why does she have to make a thing of it.

Completely agree oops, I do most of the things you do (although do allow tv ), but Im not smug about it, thats the differences. You sound like you have an healthy attitude towards it all too

i prefer wooden toys over plastic, but dont ammounce to the whole world (well i just have to mumsnet lol). but my kids do have a load of plastic cr*p as well.

and food colourings do cause health problems. dd1 is very sensitive to food colourings, and probably woulndt have eaten the cake either. she only likes chocolate birthday cakes and choc icing! lol.

tallulah, what a bitch saying your dd was ugly

The wooden toy think always makes me smile. DD has have some of each - wood and plastic. But I am happy to say that I choose some wooden toys mainly because it is me who likes the look of them. DD will go for the colourful, noisy plastic ones most of the time instead.

I am desperately trying to work out if I'm a smug-a-mum or a 'patronising old witch'

think I fit in both categories

It depends who I'm with and how I'm feeling.

shit I live next door to one and she drives me bonkers, I have now learned to avoid her as much as possible and never instigate a conversation which could result in her one up man ship mumminess, she only ever decides to come for a cup if tea just to let me know how well one of her kids has done on the cello, at sports etc or to tellme she's already booked next years ski holiday and how I really should go and at that particular moment I will be in my usual upside down state of chaos with kids sliding down the banister, shreaking, desperatly trying to clean and she will smugly say something about how quietly her kids are playing cards together and how clean everything is....and I feel like saying f...k off and have your cup of tea there then.

i fit into both camps. you will hear me muttering about the evils of disposable nappies, but will also use them myself when we go away lol. i hate the things, but sometimes needs must.

and telly rots the brains? well my kids brains must have rotted a long time ago.

Well most of these things are just plain bad manners aren't they? And using (mainly insignificant in the scheme of things) parenting issues as a way of criticising another mother is appalling manners.

The birthday cake thing mentioned below is the ultimate in bad manners