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Parenting

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Original poster

Will I love this baby as much as I adore DD?

54 replies

LilRedWG · 11/07/2010 19:45

I am only eight weeks pregnant and worried that it just isn't possible to love another person as much as I adore DD, who is four.

At the moment we are a perfect, happy, little trio - DH, DD and me. We just 'work'. What happens if this little one comes along and I resent it and the change it will make to our family? Will I like it as much as DD?

DD is so happy, lovely, kind, easy-going nature and wonderful. She was such an easy baby. Will I still like a colicky baby who never sleeps as much as DD?

I am so worried and scared and I feel like a terrible person, so please don't flame me.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ledodgy · 11/07/2010 19:47

You will be fine. The baby may be different to your dd but you will love him/her just the same. I promise.

WarrenPeace · 11/07/2010 19:47

ledodgy · 11/07/2010 19:47

Oh and Congratulations!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

LilRedWG · 11/07/2010 19:48

Thanks ledodgy.

OP posts:

Snowtiger · 11/07/2010 19:50

Yes of course you will - I had exactly the same worries (I'm sure most people do when pregnant with their second) but now I have two I totally understand what people mean when they say that babies "bring the love with them". You'll have more than enough love for them both, and love them the same but in different ways. You can't compare children - they're just who they are and you love them for that.

It's good that you're thinking this stuff through now, because it's a totally normal worry to have. But there's no need - you'll be fine, and you'll adore your next baby as much as you adore your DD, no matter how colicky or otherwise they are!

waitingforbedtime · 11/07/2010 19:50

I think its normal to feel like that.

I embarassingly remember thinking I couldnt love a child more than I loved my pets before having ds!!

Im pregnant again now and though I think about it now and again I think the fact that you worry about it means that you care about this baby just as much already if that makes sense?

I think its just a similar thing to me thinking that no-one has ever loved their child as much as I love ds, no-one ever in the history of the world. Logically, I know that isnt true but teh emotional part of me thinks it is!!

Congrats

Pavlov · 11/07/2010 19:51

lilred I worried too. DD was our world, how on earth could I possibly love any other child like her? how could i? not possible. DS made our trio into a 4 and made it complete. He is so much part of us and our family that I could not ever imagine us going on as we were without him here. I love him so much it makes me cry, just like with DD. And I love DD even more too as she is the best big sister in the world, and she is growing into a wonderful little girl with empathy and compassion which shines towards her brother.

They sit at the breakfast table giggling with each other, DS adores her, she adores him and I sit there glowing with pride.

I promise you will love them equally, as the individuals they are. And that fear is normal.

Congratulations my lovely!

ledodgy · 11/07/2010 19:52

read this it's a light hearted but truthful read.

JGBMum · 11/07/2010 19:54

We have 3, and I felt it was like each came carrying a big pot of extra love.

You are quite right, with one DC they have all the love you have, the second dc doesnt take any of that away, just brings a whole new pot of love with him/her.

Congratulations

AnyFucker · 11/07/2010 19:55

yes, you will

the love we have for our children has no limits

I seriously promise you that

Dumbledoresgirl · 11/07/2010 19:58

Yes you will. I cried the night I went into labour with ds2. I went into ds1's room to look at him sleeping in his cot and cried because I thought I was ruining the little trio I had with ds1 and dh. He was only 18 months old at the time and that made it worse as I thought that I had not given him enough one to one time before getting pregnant again.

A few hours later, I had ds2, the most perfect of all my children, and he was instantly ds1's best friend and remains so 12 and a half years later.

You will feel the same about your new baby and hopefully the new child will become your dd's best friend for life.

AnyFucker · 11/07/2010 20:00

love expands

what about those with 6 or more kids ?

do you think they worry about this ?

Original poster

LilRedWG · 11/07/2010 20:07

Thank you - you are all making me hormonal and weepy. I really do appreciate how kind the majority of posters are on MN, despite the odd one or two.

AF - I'm the youngest of six, and I know that deep down they loved us all. Sadly my Mum and Dad aren't around any more to ask about this.

OP posts:

HousewifeOfOrangeCounty · 11/07/2010 20:10

of course you will, but it may not be from the very first moment. I worried when pg with no2 and thought that when I saw dd2 it would all be fine, but it wasn't. Only because she was a stranger, we didn't know each other yet. Obviously it came in time, not long - but it wasn't immediate for me.

AnyFucker · 11/07/2010 20:11

aww, Lil

you know what your parents would say though, wouldn't ya ?

MarineIguana · 11/07/2010 20:14

Oh OP I know how you feel - I was the same and I think the fact that like yours, my older child was 4, rather than 1 or 2 as often happens, meant that "trio" had been established for longer and DS kind of felt like an only child.

But it's true, it just happens. Don't worry if it's not straight away - I remember sobbing over newborn DS in the hospital as I loved him so much, but with DD that didn't happen until 5 weeks - maybe partly because I was ill after she was born, but also because there is just more to think about and less time when you have the older one as well.

Also, DD is a much, much grumpier and more demanding baby than DS was and it just doesn't matter. I even love her for that! It's her personality and it's so amazing to see the ways in which they're so different and also so alike.

Acanthus · 11/07/2010 20:14

Yes. you will.

AnyFucker · 11/07/2010 20:17

there is 5 years between my two

the second was just as special...but I think it is a little bit more business-like, in that you know more what to expect (practically-speaking)

the love you feel is the same though...and then you will get used to your new "quad" family

isthatporridgeinyourhair · 11/07/2010 20:18

Yes, you will without a shadow of a doubt. I had the same thoughts about DS2 until he was born last year. It'll be fine.

Harimo · 11/07/2010 20:18

You will. But don't be hard on yourself because of your feelings.

With DS, I stayed in hospital for 5 days (Portland!), was wonderful. total babymoon. I adored this little creature.

We went home, We lived in his time... We ate when he needed, we slept when he needed. Was just me and him...

With DD, I came out of hospital after 2 nights (again POrtland, again CS). Again, I was on my own with them. Shit, it was tough. They slept at different times, they ate at different times, they always seemed to want something different... At times (I am sad to admit) I just thought DD was an inconvienience who got in the way.

Now, a year on (DD will be one in 3 weeks), we are great, we are a team. The kids are great friends and play together. They fight, obviously, but in a good way.

It will be OK. But don't feel bad if you feel differently about them and seek help if you feel you should - I felt a strong need to 'pretend' everything was great and I really wish I hadn't.

It took me about 9 months, I think, to really get it all together.

PixieOnaLeaf · 11/07/2010 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Chunkamatic · 11/07/2010 20:21

It is hard to imagine but it just happens. I panicked just like you that I was going to burst our little bubble - but DS2 has made our bubble bigger and it is so much better now!

I could spend whole days just looking at my DS's and marvelling how two people (DP and me) could make two children (DS1 and 2) who are both so similar and so different all at the same time.

Children are precious, this doesn't change whether you have 1 or 11.

Congratulations!

valiumSingleton · 11/07/2010 20:22

Yeah I thought that! I love my dc2 just as much. He has me wrapped his finger even more than dc1 though.

Original poster

LilRedWG · 11/07/2010 20:24

Am feeling better by the minute. Am off for a soak in the bath and then to bed. Thank you again.

LeD - I will get that book I think.

OP posts:

Tillyscoutsmum · 11/07/2010 20:25

LilRed - Congratulations

I had similar fears and if I am totally honest, I didn't have the same immediate overwhelming "whoosh" of love for DS that I had with DD. It was a long, difficult birth. DS was very colicky - the first 9 weeks of his life he was either screaming or eating. I was miserable. DD was resentful because I couldn't put him down and give her any attention. I actually regretted having him briefly

He is now almost 7 months and I adore him (and more importantly, so does DD - that was my biggest concern I think). He was, and still is, a much less chilled baby than dd ever was but I do love him as much as dd now ...

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