Will I love this baby as much as I adore DD?

[LilRedWG]

I am only eight weeks pregnant and worried that it just isn't possible to love another person as much as I adore DD, who is four.

At the moment we are a perfect, happy, little trio - DH, DD and me. We just 'work'. What happens if this little one comes along and I resent it and the change it will make to our family? Will I like it as much as DD?

DD is so happy, lovely, kind, easy-going nature and wonderful. She was such an easy baby. Will I still like a colicky baby who never sleeps as much as DD?

I am so worried and scared and I feel like a terrible person, so please don't flame me.

I worried about this too before dd was born. I didnt thnk it was possible to love that way again.
But now I have double the love. And my first child now has another person to adore and be adored by .

When I had my 2nd my first was just 3, I was in an antenatal ward for over 24 hours in a vain attempt to induce labour.

I was meant to be having a trial of labour (following previous CS), but missed DC1 so desperately I agreed to have a 2nd CS instead so that I could get out of there!

Once the baby arrived, DC1 - although still precious - seemed huge, & old, & completely different from before & didn't need me the way the new baby did.

Love stretches to cover everybody

I have no experience of this but remember reading a similar thread not that long ago where someone said your love is like a bubble which holds you DP and DC1. When the new baby is born they just step inside the bubble and it gets bigger.

Thank you all. I will keep coming back to this thread when I panic. I still can't quite believe it.

Absolutely It's quite amazing how you just 'grow' more love to give!!

My situation was the same as yours this time last year.

Anyway, a year on we now have two DDs - DD1 is nearly 5 and DD2 is 16 weeks.

You will love your new baby, don't worry!

Conratulations!

I know there are some posters here saying it took them a bit longer to have that rush of love for their second child, but it was actually quicker with DD2 for me. DD1 was a terrible birth (from my point of view, though I know it could have been a lot worse), long labour, failed epidural, emergency C-S under GA. I was so sore and tired and felt such a failure after she was born (taking time to establish bfeeding didn't help either) that it took me quite a while to really fall in love with her.

With DD2, she was VBAC, so I felt on top of the world (hey I was awake when she was born ) and she came out knowing exactly how to get at her milk. I adored her from the first moment.

I have 3 DDs altogether now, LilRed, and I love them all so much that I don't know how the world contains it.

Had anohter wobble last night but DH reassured me and I thought of this thread and suddenly - panic gone.

That being said I've just read a thread about the book ledodgy recommended and everyone was saying to the OP, "Oooo, you'll be fine with a toddler and a newborn. The only problem is if you have a four year old - that would be awful!". Yep - DD is four.

Just wanted to say, my ds was four and three months when my second ds was born and we have found it a great age gap!

Thanks Suzanne.

OP - yes

There is literally no ideal age gap from the pov of the children getting along - there are examples everywhere of the same age gap working for one family but not for another.

I never had more than one baby/toddler at a time, because I knew I couldn't have coped with 2, so I have lovely big age gaps, but my kids get along fine

I know exactly where you're coming from LilRed--DD has just turned 1 and DH and I have plans to start TTCing in Dec. However I adore DD (she's my world, plain and simple) and she's been such an easy joy that I can't comrprehend bringing a new baby into this mix. This has been a helpful thread to me as well, in that respect and I believe the posters who say it'll be fine.

Congratulations!

LilRed - don't worry! I have a gorgeous DS, age nearly 4, whom I absolutely adore. I now also have an utterly beautiful and splendid DD, age 9 weeks, whom I fell in love with immediately and love, love, love her. The great thing about love is that it's expansive - it's one of the few things in life that can go on increasing. So even if you had 20 DCs you'd still adore them all!

Best of luck with your pregnancy and with balancing family life when your new baby comes along. Hope you can be kind and gentle with yourself and your family - it takes a while to get used to the new family dynamics, which is very hard when you're also sleep-deprived!

Just read other posts - AF (hiya mate! glad you kept your name) we are sooo on the same wavelength!

Also, don't worry that you have to provide exactly the same sort of parenting as you did for DD1. The second and subsequent children get so much out of watching and enjoying the first, their friends, their routine. The older child chats to them, plays with them, amuses them - you're not the sole source of entertainment. I totally agree with other posters that the love you have for your first simply expands as required for your subsequent children.

You are all great - thank you. Am quite calm about the whole issue today.

LilRed - I've just found out I'm pregnant with DC2. About same number of weeks as you.

I cannot get the same feelings out of my head.

DS was so planned. ended up needing clomid - and this pregnancy is a total shock. So I'm also trying to get my head round the "i'm not in total control thing"

DS is perfect. I love him soooo much, more than life. I had a near fatal asthma attack 6 months ago - so its made me appreciate what ive got more than anything.

I'm so totally scared abut not loving DC2 - or that DS will think I love him less.

I'm so warmed by what everyone else has written. So I'm hoping my fears will gradually start to disappear.

Good luck LilRed with your pregnancy.

TBH it took me a year or so to love them both the same, DS1 was always more special that DS2. I love them equally now

Thanks for the honesty Karoleann - I wonder if that will happen here too.

Nappysrock - I'm glad the thread has helped you too.

I'm now 36+ weeks and coming back for some final reassurance and yet again this thread has worked its magic. Thanks all!

DD is so excited and happy too and can't wait to meet her new brother or sister. :)

Probably not very much. But you can pop it in the cupboard when it gets on your nerves.

No room in there Hilly. That's where I put DD. :)

Hully, not Hilly

It will all be fine and lovely, bit odd at first, of course, but then it will seem odd that you weren't always four.

Aw, I remember this thread from when DD2 was a wee tiny thing. She is now 7 months and I found myself biting her cute chubby thighs this morning and secretly worrying whether I actually love her a tiny bit more than I did DD1 at this age (I then thought back and decided DD1 was equally chubbily gorgeous )

Good luck!