Learning to drive driving you mad?

[ShowOfHands]

So here it is, a learning to drive thread.

I think there are a few of us. I predict much swearing. Is it only me that goes one step forwards, only to go 8 steps backwards?

I'm SOH, have been learning for the grand total of a fortnight. DH is teaching me. My aim is to be driving by the end of September when dd is supposed to start nursery and they change the driving test again.

I live rurally (very rurally) and rely on dh for lifts everywhere. Even a supermarket trip is reliant upon him being home from work. And as he's a police officer, he's never home on time, works long hours and as a consequence, we're fairly isolated.

I am trying to focus on the new lease of life for us.

I don't have a provisional licence yet (still waiting for it) but live on private land with tracks of about 3 miles so am driving round a farm atm.

I'll kick off the swearing so there's no illusion of standing on ceremony. How the buggery feck do you look in 3 mirrors, one windscreen, at the speedometer and not cry all at the same time? Answers on a postcard.

Hey Bounty, I know what you mean about going back to lessons. When I failed the first time I didn't book any more lessons after that - I didn't think I could face it! I just texted my instructor to tell him my new test date and asked if I could book him for an hour before the test - he wasn't too happy but hey, I could deal with that! Did a lot of driving with DH (actually, the lessons with the instructor would probably have been a better idea, DH makes a terrible co-driver...)

Well done SugarMouse - don't worry about other people getting arsey. For some reason it doesn't bother me at all - I'd thought it would make me nervous or whatever but I appear to be very good at ignoring them!

Hope everybody is doing well. I had a lovely time on Friday, driving DD around Glasgow as she had no nursery that day. The sun was out and we just had a lovely time going from this park to that one...!

I'm getting closer to having a test. It's dual carriageways that scare me. Every time I've been with my instructor, it's been quiet, and/or the traffic has moved over to let us on. But I live in fear that one day it won't happen, there'll be no gaps, I won't be able to get in in time, and I'll have to stop!!! Or I'll go into a too small gap and cause an accident. I keep playing over those scenarios in my mind as I go through the roundabouts and onto the slip roads, and it makes me tense and nervous so that I make lots of mistakes there, too. I don't breathe until I'm finally on. And it's only going to be worse when/if I pass, because then she won't be with me, and I'll be constantly terrified that one of these times, the day will come that there won't be a gap.

And the stupid reverse around the corner. I just can't do it.

Well done Sugar, must be so nerve racking on your own! And thankyou.

I'm thinking of stopping my lessons too Nyx, seems so draining (if that makes sense) I get in the car, and just feel I haven't got the energy (or cash truth be told!) to be driving around being told how wrong everything is.
That last lesson was awful. Wanted to stop the car and get out. It's not 'sore losing' either, I just feel... urgh.
My instructor seems to be quite demanding lately too, sometimes I know it's my right of way, but can just tell that the other car isn't giving a stuff about that, and is going to go anyway. So I slow a bit ready to brake if I need to. Then they push out of a side road and he says it was me letting them take the mick- but I feel sure they would go anyway.
One time I listen and don't slow, car pulls out on me, I brake hard and he says "in hindsight you should maybe have let him go?"
ffs, I can't win! I'm so over emotional and just want it over.
Sorry, massive winge there

Glad you had a good day on friday, sounds great- bet your DD loved it, makes it all worthwhile!

Cloudsaway, good luck! I totally understand how you feel. I have no useful advice, sorry (but bet someone else does and will come along soon) and you really aren't alone, I promise.

Wave to everyone else!

Thanks. I just have these nightmares that one day I'll have to stop on a slip road, which is never supposed to happen. But because it never happens, I never learn what I would actually do if it did, so the fear remains, and I can't quite convince myself that it never IS going to happen. But then I have spent months and months having panic attacks about all kinds of things, so this isn't that much more. But it's one that isn't going away.

Same with roundabouts. I sit there and just can't figure out when I can go, not when there are two lanes. I sit there forever til it's totally clear, even though I know there would have been lots of places that I should have been able to get out earlier. I panic now even when I start to get close to the roundabout, praying for it to be clear.

I understand about the not being able to get something right for your instructor! Every time my instructor tells me something I've done wrong, then I overcompensate the next time - so if I've gone through an amber light when I shouldn't have, the next time she'll say that I've stopped when there wasn't time and am over the line. But she's quite nice about understanding why I was trying to do it, trying to learn from what she said.

Hi all!

Coulds, welcome to the thread I know what you mean re. slip roads, there's always the fear someone will just not let you go and you'll run out of "road" and have to stop. Having said that, I know at least one slip road here where cars always have to stop, as the "main" only has two lanes and there's always lots of traffic. Roundabouts are always tricky, aren't they? I'm still nervous about some of them round here. And the ones with traffic lights are even worse for me, I don't know why Try and be as calm as you can, and remember to breathe, to oxygenate your brain

Bounty, oh I hated that, totally agree with you. I hated the fact you did one thing, it was wrong, then you tried to do differently next time and it was STILL wrong With roundabouts and cyclists I always felt it was a lose-lose situation, I very seldom got it right, at least to the "book standard"

Sugar, well done you You know how some people say you just get on with it in times of need? I think they're right I had to drive to some work assignments in a city nearby most of last week, completely alone as DH was looking after DD, and although it was terrifying 90% of the time to face the motorway during the morning rush hour, I had to do it and I survived (mostly thanks to the sat nav, without which I'd have just gone round and round the same area )

This week I have work "on-site" again, hopefully I'll remember the way. I remembered Nyx yesterday as I drove with heels on, it was OK on the motorway but when driving through traffic it was a bit odd at times. More practice needed I guess.

Hope everyone's well.

Waves to all!

HELLO !

Bounty , i had days when i felt like stopping the lessons too , once or twice i ended up on tears .Dh told me i had to keep going , as i was so close to sitting the test and getting a pass .If i had given up it would have been a waste of my time and our money and all the support (babysitting by the inlaws ect) i had during the lessons.

Please stick with it you have came too far to give up now!.

Trust me , its all worth the hassle for the freedom the licence will bring you !

...as for myself , on saturday i drove my best friend to her mums wedding ...miles aways , nearly got lost on the way bay , then remembered i had a satnav . stoped , plugged it in and sorted , got home no problem !

i lurve my satnav !

Have to go buy new tyre today . tyre is flattish ,DH says its got a slow puncture ... so off to the garage/tyre place.

i missed my date for the pass plus returning form , . stupid me forgot o post it in time , so need to phone the police station again and request another ..so annoyed with myself.

Thank you for the welcomes! :)

I love roundabouts with traffic lights. I wish they all did! I still get confused with the lanes, though. Half the time I think you have to know where you are going already, to know what lane you want to be in.

The dual carriageways round here are so fast, that I don't know how anyone would ever get back on if they had to stop. And I've never seen it happen. Which should be enough to convince me that it never will, but it isn't!! I always think that it never happens to other people because they are better at judging the small gaps to go in, and I won't and I'll miss them all and run out of road. And then stop. Especially if I'm on my own. I don't think I'll ever go on it alone. It sounds a bit pointless, though I've never had any intention really of getting a car or driving much, I just wanted to get over the phobia and to know that I could, and to not have to do it in a hurry if I never needed to learn to drive. But I might use street car or hire cars or something, because it would be such a waste after all this stress and all this money, having lessons forever it seems. Nobody to practise with either, so it's only at my lessons that I drive.

I didn't know Pass Plus had any special forms or anything. I thought you just carried on with your instructor and they signed whatever was needed.

Another lesson on Thursday. Might not do them every week now might change it to fortnightly to save me some money.
It's annoying, I dont feel nervous about driving it's just the fact im being "judged" and marked.

Hello everyone not checked in in a while. Had my third two hour lesson yesterday which went well although very tired at the end. We're taking it nice and slowly which is good. Next lesson I'll be out on busier roads. Scary!

Hi everyone. A very quick post and run from me as I've not had anything to eat and I'm starving!

Clouds, hello there. I know exactly what you mean about the slip roads. But (you're not going to believe me on this!) - it's really truly not as bad as you think it is. When you're coming down a slip road, ready to join the motorway or carriageway or whatever it is, not only are you looking for a gap to join, but the drivers in the left hand lane (that you're about to join) are also looking at you. They really are, because they do not want someone to come down a slip road and bang into them. So as you come closer to joining, the drivers are really paying attention - or they should be, most people are anyway - and they are either braking or accelerating to provide you with room to join the flow of traffic. Also, you're indicating that you want to join - so you're that much more noticeable.

I was really scared of it too. But my driving instructor realised this and spent about 45 minutes on one lesson, not long before my test, taking me onto the clydeside expressway (dual carriageway in Glasgow), making me come off again at the first exit, going round and doing it again and again and again. And it worked - I can now join a motorway quite happily! I hope that you can overcome this fear and find your confidence too.

And hello igglybuff, well done on your 2 hour lessons! Let us know how you get on with the other cars next time!

Right, am off to eat something before I fade away (I wish) x

Thanks. Yeah I spent several lessons doing not much more than going on and off the dual carriageway, but I'm still afraid of it. I guess I'm just not convinced that it's never going to happen that I run out of road, and I'm scared of having to deal with it on my own! Even though it never happens with my instructor, somehow that's just not enough to entirely reassure me that it will never happen, like I can't quite accept the evidence or can't believe it - I have a million excuses, it's just luck, it's always been quiet, they see the learner car so they move over, etc etc, rather than just that's how it always is!!!

I'm more scared of slip roads than of roundabouts, though I don't like those either. But I don't feel as unsafe at least, because I can always stop if I have to, even if it annoys the hell out of people around me.

I'm worried that there is so much rain, because I can't see the mirror as well with rainy windows and mirror, and the little stick-on mirror that she has on the big mirror also gets very covered in spray, and then it's sooooo hard to see the kerb and judge when to turn and stuff on the manoeuvres. I'm rubbish at the reverse round the corner; not too bad at the parallel park, but have to be able to see the kerb properly. And when they start to go wrong, I lose it and then can't ever fix it. So it's totally down to luck - if it starts well, it's fine, if it starts wrong, no hope.

I passed! :) It still feels like a fluke, though. No roundabouts that didn't have lights. Manoeuvres happened to go well, even though they hadn't the previous time. Dual carriageway was quiet. Etc. Still don't feel ready to do it on my own! But as I don't have a car, I probably won't be, anyway, except for odd occasions hiring one or using streetcar. It was more just the challenge of getting over what was a terrifying phobia.

Woohoo Clouds!! Congratulations!!! Happy for you

Waves to all!

Don't worry sugar. I used to panic about cameras when I first passed my test but you will always find your speedo says you are doing slightly faster than you actually are. If it says 33 you are more than likely only doing about 29, just the way they are set I think. Also the speed cameras are set to a margin over the speed limit, in most areas this is about 33mph in a 30 zone so it won't go off until you are going over this. You would have seen it flash too, they are very bright!

Thank you, Guachita and SugarMouse. It still feels very weird, and I hardly slept for a second night as I just kept thinking about it all. Actually it feels like a bit of a let down now, not sure what to do with myself, because it was more a project to see if I could get over the panic and learn to do it, not because I needed to drive. I will miss having the lessons now I think, though I'm going to have a few more first still.

I worry about breaking the rules now too. If you get six points in two years you start all over again, and that seems quite strict! One speeding fine is 3 points, isn't it. And there are several places I've looked down and found I was 2 or 3 miles over. I've always realised very quickly, but still, could easily have been caught there. And if that happened just twice in two years, it's all over. I hope it's true about the margin of errors.

I'm quite nervous about driving on my own now, in a real car. Going to look up street car now though. Go out very early Sunday mornings or something for a while perhaps.

I joined StreetCar today and I think I will try them out one very very early morning or something, when there's no-one on the road. Then I can work out all the controls and get used to a new car and everything first. I hate being watched, so in some ways being on my own is ok, but I liked having my instructor with me now because I'm used to her and I don't get nervous with her now. I might just drive around the same roads that we've been doing before the test in the car, and see how it goes. I'm going to have some more lessons with her too I think, and maybe she can even come in it with me and help me learn to park it and things.

The thought of buying a car is terrifying. I have no-one to come with me to help find one, or test drive it, I hate talking and the thought of going into a dealership on my own, having no idea what to say or do just freezes me, especially when it's a subject I feel totally incompetent about. And I don't know what to look for in a second hand car, what makes one ok and another not. Let alone what kind I'd be looking for! So I don't think I'll be getting one very soon. But everyone tells me I should, because it would improve my confidence so much more. I hardly have any places I need to drive to though.

Is it weird to give my instructor a card now? Or gift even? I've had her for ages and she's been really good at getting me through it. But it also seems a bit odd, not really sure what to say.

Hello

I'm not usually backwards in coming forwards on MN but I have have been reading this for a few weeks now and I've just had my fourth lesson and think that I might stick with it after all...

Clouds, you are a bloody inspiration I have yet to let my instructor take me up the A-road (my greatest fear even when I wasn't learning) but I'm much more confident now thanks to the last posts about it.

good luck!! Believe me, it took forever for me to even get moving in the car, let alone going on a road that might have traffic. We have to do A roads on the test here, or at least they are on some of the routes.

I just couldn't do the streetcar thing yet; I joined, and the totally wobbled when I started looking at them online, no idea how I'd reverse park them into the bay, as the lessons showed me how to park the learner car only - all to do with when the line was at a certain point on the door handle, etc, which you can't generalise from at all. And there are slopes in the car park that it's in, and I never really had to do them, and I think what if I have to stop on one to put a ticket in or something, and I dont know how to do hill starts. Or just reading the road layout for getting in and out of the car park. Total wobble last night, and regretted the whole thing. Might see if my instructor will come with me. Or might just go and sit in it for half an hour and get used to controls and stuff.

That's for the link, sugar mouse! I will read that through. The thought of my own car that I'm not so terrified of scraping or whatever is a bit more appealing now in fact..

Hi all.
Pleased I just spotted this in active.
Hopefully you can all give me tips, hints and lots of support.
I am a SAHM but have started working here and there with an agency and currently travel for 2 hours on a bus to work!!
My plan is to learn to drive but due to finances, it might take me a while!
First thing's first though, I do have a provisional 9somewhere) but have lost the photo-card, so tomorrow I will call the dvla and see about getting a replacement.
When that comes through, I want to pay for a few lessonsw and then a friend said she'd take me out in her car (dp won't even hear of me sitting at the wheel of his car)
so will see how it goes.
Please help keep me motivated for this.
I had a course of 11 lessons about 12 years ago and the driving instructor told me never to sit behind the wheel of a car ever again, even if the keys were not in the ignition and there was no chance of it ever moving
Sure I'll be better now that I am a bit older and I actually need to drive IYSWIM