Shocked and upset by this... and I don't think I handled it very well

[emkana]

I took the dd's (4 and 2) to a nearby field today. There's a little hill there with a track going down. We were playing there with a ball when two boys on their bikes turned up - they were about 10. They said "Come on, we'll go down that track!" and seemed to want to go down there regardless of my dd's still playing there. So I said, quite unfriendly admittedly, "No, you can't yet, my dd's were here first!" to which they said "So? It's not your field" blahblah.
So I took the dd's to go and play somewhere else. Suddenly the one boy went down the hill on his bike even though my two year old was still standing there. I said "Watch out where you're going, she's only 2!" and he said "So?" really provocatively, which upset me so much that I said quite loudly "If you knock her over you won't have a life to live anymore!" which was not a great response I'm afraid . I walked away with the girls, but I could hear them shouting after us "you f*ing bitch" and things like that. We played at the other end then, and they were still cycling etc. They then came over to our side and I actually felt scared . I was wondering what I would do if they attacked one of my girls or if they tried to damage my pushchair or something. So I was just looking at them and the more aggressive one said "What are you looking at? I'll shove some grass up your arse in a minute!" I said, feebly, "I can look at whatever I like." but after that they left and we went home soon, too. Unfortunately it rather spoilt the morning. I can't believe that a/ boys this small can be this aggressive to a complete stranger b/I feel scared of two ten year olds c/I'm not capable of handling such a situation better. I used to be a teacher FFS!

What would you have done?

I think you were wrong to start off being aggressive, but I hope no-one on this thread truly believes that 10 year olds effing and blinding in front of younger children is an acceptable response to an adult not behaving well.

And I also think that it's very easy to say "you are the adult, you should be in control", but if you feel vulnerable and scared for your children, you're not going to be able to do the textbook adult thing are you? After all, positive parenting techniques are based on the assumption that you're dealing with a child who isn't actually going to physically harm you (or your children).

I haven't read the whole thread (about half)
I agree with those who said maybe you shouldn't have been so agressive to start, but there behaviour was OOO.
ScummyMummy I read your post about the sand.... I would have kicked some in there face, horrible little toads.

just seen this emkana.
You poor thing sounds really horrible. Can totally see why you reacted as you did - easy to say in hindsight that your tone or choice of words may have not helped but at the time, as a mum with two little children, your response was completely understandable.
As a fellow ex teacher, I can understand how frustrating it feels when out with your own children and feeling threatened by other children. I used to wade in and break up fights with 6 foot lads in their late teens, talk down gangs of stroppy girls hanging around loos smoking, and not bat an eyelid. So, why is it that confronted by a gang of smirking fourteen year olds hanging around outside our local shop I feel uneasy, avoid eye contact and worry about what they might say when with my two little girls?? Crazy, but I guess fairly human.

couple of things - althoguht the kids could have been pissed off at the way you spoke to them, they had no right to respond to you the way they did

number two and most importantly. these children are of an age where they can be prosecuted - next time get on your moby and phone the police and tell then you are being threatened.

if their parents are even half interested they woudl get what for after a copper comes a knocking.

i recently had the brother of a friend of my son waiting outside the garden whilst my son and the brother played - when i was in mid " sod off..what you doing in the garden" mode they told me "j" had a steel bar - i went to j and told him that i was sending my son out to play - and if he hit him with a bar i would call the police...........he grinned and said " but he's older than me!"
i too grinned and said " ahh but your bigger than him and who you think a mr policeman is going to believe - you or me?"
then i told my son to sod off our the garden - jeez can't even have a fag in peace round here!

phone the police

I don't blame you for reacting the way you did, but think the best policy is to walk away and avoid confrontations to be honest.
I certainly think the police have better things to do with their times......

i really dont think that they do - if i feel threatened - i dont care whether its by a 10 year old or a 40 year old - as a woman in emkhanas situation i too would have felt threatened. this is what the police are for - to protect our peaceful way of life.

besides a crime isn't a crime unless its reported these days is it - reported crimes give extra resources to the police

being threatened is a crime

I would have reacted the same way I am afraid-I absolutely HATE the way youngish kids,(ie 10 and under),speak to others with little or no respect anymore.I get very angry but also hurt and ashamed to be bringing kids up in this very lawless society that surrounds us all.
Emkana-I know EXACTLY how you feel and am sorry!

but custardo - emkana was the one who threatened first ... so perhaps the boys should be calling the police ...

am posting and hoping i wont kill this thread,think the problem is when kids are that age they can say things in a hurtful way sometimes that can wind you up if you let it,i used to let it wind me up but i try and ignore it now,last saturday i was feeding my son in the lounge and 2 boys about 10/11yrs old threw an egg right at my lounge window,my house is the last in a row which is why i think they targeted me as they can easily run around the corner,so i ran to my back door and saw them laughing and one said "enjoy your scrambled eggs!",i said "r u going to clean it off now" and he just said "no,f**k off!" and then threw another egg at an old persons home behind my house,anyway i just said "its ok,i've managed to get a good look at you",and left it there,then i went into the local one stop shop where you report incidences like this in the community and told them there and they know who it is cos they were doing it all day that day so thats them sorted!!!i was appalled though they could do someting like that,more to the old persons home really cos at least i am in a position to be able to clean it off!thought i'd share that,hope i've not killed the thread.......

yep looks like i've killed yet another thread

i think you will find the actions of the boyswere threatening to her young children before she actually said anything - its how i gather it from the post.

oh i thought they just wanted to ride past them,must have missed that bit,but i posted to tell my egg story really,and to just say that i find they can be rude sometimes at that age,couldnt read the whole thread cos my son was trying to put the remote in the video player.

I disagree that the police have better things to do with their time. Keeping social control is what the police are supposed to do. And as Custardo says, if the boys have any half way decent parents, they'll be in big trouble if the police turn up at the door. Plus, it teaches them that there are actually consequences to their actions.

I don't believe kids of that age should necessarily be prosecuted (unless they have done something very extreme) but a fright without the full weight of the law can be quite a useful lesson for a child who thinks that bad behaviour has no consequences.

thats why i went to the one stop shop,there is a policeman who drops in and picks up and deals with any complaints made in the community,my mum said ring the police and i said pretty much the same,that i will feel a bit daft mithering them with info on a egg throwing gang,but this community policeman is there to do things like go round to the boys house to speak to their parents.

looks like i have definately killed the thread this time,oh well...

The first actually threatening words were emkana's. Threatening behaviour - difficult to tell - obviously at some point emkana felt threatened but who's to say the boys didn't as well. Admittedly they were badly brought up boys and didn't need to barge on to that particular track by the sound of it - but on the other hand they may have been perfectly willingly to ride round the dd's if not provoked.

Not saying at all that emkana's reactions were not understandable but it's not surprising, with boys such as these two, that it escalated, and I do think if the conversation is exactly as emkana tells it, then unfortunately it is her words that are the more threatening.

Robinia, I really doubt those boys felt remotely threatened. They probably just felt a bit narked at being snapped at.

It's not that big a deal, really.

The egg-throwing is a lot worse IMHO.

Interesting to see more responses. I had forgotten my mobile and I really regretted it at the time when I was worried that they might go for one of the dd's.

I don't think I made myself very clear at the beginning - when the boys arrived my dd's were playing on the track rolling the ball, and the boys made moves to go down that track regardless of my girls still being there. They weren't going to wait for us to move or anything like that. So I felt that my dd's safety was threatened from the start.

I dont think you reacted that badly at all. You were looking out for your dds and were wary. Of course heinsight is a wonderful thing and there are lots of different ways you could have handled the situation but when we're worried we dont think as sensibly as we might otherwise and you can only do what you think is right at the time.

I expect the two boys are quite rude like that a lot of the time so it was all water off a duck's back to them anyway. They wont be stressing about it as you are so give yourself a break.

Gosh I wish I were as perfect as some who responded to this thread!

emkana, what you experienced is what I call the mother tigress syndrome. Basically when your dds were being threatened the mother tigress in you came out and you reacted first without thinking it through (and yes, I believe the way the boys were acting was threatening in that they would probably not have noticed your dds until they ran over them. Boys on bikes tend not to notice or really bother about others, I speak from painful experience!)

You admitted on the thread title you acted wrongly and I feel sorry that some came on here to berate you further. There is nothing like getting a kick when you are already down. There have been tons of times I have walked away from a situation and then thought what would have been the best way of handling it.

I had a recent incident in a park where dst2 came down a slide just as an older girl (about 12/13) jumped on the bottom part to climb up it. He hit her full on and bit his bottom lip, she wasn't injured. Now normal me would have said for her to be careful and not to do that again, mother tigress me grabbed dst2 who was crying and bleeding and said to him "stupid girl shouldn't have been there!"

I felt like a right s**t as the girl obviously didn't mean it but I spoke straight away before thinking properly. She wasn't a ned and her mother came up and hurried her away giving me a look as she did. Totally mishandled it and knew that but at no point would someone snipping at me for threatening her helped. Broke one of my rules of never calling a child stupid too. Well done me - not!

I'd have offered to breastfeed them.

Emkana - much the same as you dd - prob "My dd/ds's daddy will rip your heads of, you little f**kers."

Hunkermunker - if I had got my breasts out they really would have been scared!

hunkermunker - you are priceless!!!

Emkana, have to say, I think the boys opening remarks were deliberately provocative - i.e. come on we'll go down that track - when they could clearly see that your children were playing directly in the path of their bikes. grrrr!