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Original poster

Emigrating advice needed.....LONG

71 replies

melissasmummy · 31/07/2005 14:16

Please can anyone offer some advice.

On Friday my DH came home from work & announced that he wants us all to emigrate to Australia. It would be easy for us to do as he lived there for 18 years & his parents, sister & aunts & uncles still live there.

I have some doubts but mainly I can see what a great move it would be for us. Our DD (2 years old) would have a better life & much more family there as.......

My mum hasn't made any effort to see her since she was born (I don't talk to my mum, but she knows that I would not stop her seeing her grandaughter)

I haven't seen my brothers (2 of) for as long as I can remember. They just don't show an interest in the family as a whole.

My sister only lives 30 miles away, but doesn't make the effort to call or visit, although we do chat on a sporadic basis.

My Dad is currently in bad company which sees all sorts dropping into his house at all times of the day & night, smoking puff & drinking etc etc.

This isn't the picture I had in my mind of my "ideal family" when I was carrying DD.

My husband is unhappy in his job and a recent holiday to Australia just proved how much he misses his family.

We are also worried for the current state of the country & not sure if we want to bring our child up here anymore.

On the other hand, we would have to live for a while with his parents. They are both retired & with me being a SAHM I would find the lack of privacy suffocating. The holiday was hard enough & on one occasion I heard them slating me for my mothering skills & his mum constantly tells me I am overweight (which I am, but don't need it shoved in my face).

It get very hot there & I really don't like the heat all that much! I walk alot, but to have to walk in the heat they get there would kill me!

I know the reasons for not going seem trivial next to the reasons to go, but I just can seem to see things that clearly!

I don't think DH understands my doubts, he doesn't really see why I am struggling with this!

Please help? Any advice?

OP posts:
assumedname · 02/08/2005 00:56

Fascinating link.

Funny how you never see the creepy crawlies on Neighbours!

suzywong · 02/08/2005 01:02

no you don't do you!

OMG I hadn't seen that picture with the cup of tea

eidsvold · 02/08/2005 02:18

what would make it easier in regard to children - is for dh to apply for them to get citizenship by descent - very easily done..... dh just has to prove he is an aussie.... and it will be granted - then it is just a spousal visa for you.

Okay - I am an aussie so do perceive that your reasons are a little trivial - but put my opinion in context - I decided in a period of two weeks to quit my job, move to England where I knew no one to live and work..... best thing I ever did - met dh, had dd1, made fab friends.

I really believe you make your life no matter where you live.

Like suzy - my dh thinks it is the best decision we ever made. The lifestyle we have here is sooo much better than we would have had in the UK - for a number of reasons. Our eldest dd has down syndrome and the resources we have access here compared to what we had access to in the UK are superb...... It means also that we can afford for me to stay home with the dds and live quite well on one income. We also agreed that even if it did not work for us - the benefits for the kids far outweighed our desires - but we love it so everyone wins....

Suprisingly it did not take long for us to be acclimatised - no air conditioning and I live in Queensland but our house is built for the warmer weather.... despite going into summer in the last trimester of pregnancy and being as huge as a house - I coped... with the heat.

eidsvold · 02/08/2005 02:25

suzy - you forgot to mention the redback...

my dh had no probs getting his visa - although we applied by mail so it took a little longer than suzy
's.

my dh also was granted permanent residency straight away. you can get this if you have been married more than 5 years OR have children. We had been married only 2 years when we applied but had dd1.

my experience is the same as suzy's with regard to play areas etc - My 2 are 3 and 8 months old. We are never home. Yesterday was dd1's birthday -0 weather was beautiful - 24 degrees and sunny - we spent the day at the zoo - 5 mins drive away..... mid winter's day.....

suzywong · 02/08/2005 02:27

It's great isn't it eids!!!!!!!!
we have "bad" weather today - 16 degrees and showery

eidsvold · 02/08/2005 02:28

I appreciate it is hard - I asked dh to give up a fab job, we loved the village we lived in, wonderful friends, brilliant family BUT everyone was so supportive of us - including hi family who were losing their only grandchildren and nieces to the other side of the world!!

eidsvold · 02/08/2005 02:29

bad day for us too - overcast but still 20 degrees and light!!

suzywong · 02/08/2005 02:34

oh eids, why did you ever leave?
Well you wouldn't have met dh would you? Same here for my dh
And the other great things is that even though most of us live suburban lives a vast majority have travelled and had cosmopolitan experience which does enrich things somewhat, I mean it's not like living (apologies in advance) the mid-west of the US in terms of homogenity IYKWIM. Does that make sense?

I did worry at first that leaving Highgate and London where there were lots of interesting people and culture and history everywhere would mean plunging my kids in to a bland and monotone cultural and historical environment (let's fact it the indigenous culture and history of Australia is shamefully marginalised - as someone said earlier it's Australia's dirty little secret but thta's a whol other thread) but most people can bring experience of other cultures and histories and ways of living so there is openmindedness and diversity almost everywhere to some extent.

eidsvold · 02/08/2005 02:38

felt like a chang e- who would have thought within a year of being in the UK I would have met dh and be engaged within 18 months was married and dd1 on the way!!!

am glad I had the experience..... but love it here.

hijack - did you see my baby all grown up in the members profiles!!)

eidsvold · 02/08/2005 02:39

oh yeh agree - I think it is almost becoming a rite of passage for young aussies to travel and see a lot of the world....

suzywong · 02/08/2005 02:43

yes yes I did, she was looking contemplative and very pretty

wow, you were a fast worker

I know my boys will be living in a squat in Shepherd's Bush as soon as they are old enough but I shall follow them at a safe distance. I was chatting, as I do, to the young men serving in the bottle shop here (well there's so much new wine to get through I need some guidance) and they done the world travelling thing for a year but always knew they would come back here, "why wouldn't you, just look at it" is what one said. So there's hope

Original poster
melissasmummy · 02/08/2005 13:17

Thank You again for your posts. last night we talked & talked & well, we have decided to go ahead & (try to) emigrate to Australia.

I have been downloading booklets & forms from the immigration website, what a minefield of forms!

My husband moved there when he was 3 & live there for 18 years. He has been here for 17 years & is just disillusioned with UK now & missing his family.

We will go thru all the books & forms & see what we need to do from here, what forms etc etc.

We are speaking to his mum & dad on saturday so will ask them all the ins & outs!

Wish me luck!

OP posts:
acnebride · 02/08/2005 13:34

best of luck mm, it sounds like you will have a wonderful time.

suzywong · 02/08/2005 13:44

hurrah! best of luck and see you round like a rissole, as they say over here

Fernbeth · 02/08/2005 15:17

Good on you for making such a brave decision. I moved here with my two daughters and hubby 3 weeks ago from Wollongong which is an hour south of Sydney. We have no family or friends here. So far I have not met anyone to have a coffee with and my 3 year old hasn't found a playmate. Fortunately our 1 yr old has no clue what is happening. When my husband comes home from work I gnaw his ear of with all my talking as I am so desperate to have an adult conversation. Despite this, I am very optimistic that things will work out once we rent a house and get settled in. I miss Australia terribly already but I know that the folk over here must be just as nice because many of my friends at home are from the UK. At home no-one cares about your accent, they may just be curious and openly ask about where you are from. There are heaps of great playgrounds and an outdoor life for your kids. My advice is to ring the Play Group Association and ask for their local groups for wherever you are based. Once you have met up with one group you will keep meeting more and more people. It is a great network of Mums helping eachother. Also, try not to rely on your inlaws too much. Start out as early as you can with making your own home and friends. It is more challenging than I thought but I know what it is like as I am going through it right now so all the best. ps. It is such a wonderful life for kids in Australia that we anticipate going back to our old neighbourhood in 3 years so the kiddies can grow up there.

suzywong · 02/08/2005 15:20

oh Fernbeth, that's what Mumsnet is here for, to have adult conversation during the day

Playgroup inc is great, it was my lifeline when I moved from London to Perth 12 months ago, the other mums really helped me out and it gave the kdis some stability, although like your kids my youngest was one and too littel to remember

Take what you can from England and then go home and make sure your children grow up Australian

Fernbeth · 02/08/2005 15:30

Yes Suzywong, I am so glad I found this site today. This was the first chat I read and responded to. I will be on it all night...bum, the baby just woke up. Glad to hear how much you love my homeland. I hope Melissa's Mum likes it just as much.

lewislewis · 02/08/2005 19:02

We are moving to Oz within 2 years but I am adamant that I will return to the UK, we are now house hunting in London because I intend to have a house to come back to, as opposed to a tiny flat. My main worry about moving to OZ is that I will miss the culture and the history that London provides, the theatre, foreign movies, weekends to Europe. True to say that I hardly do these things since having a child, except I drag ds to see exhibitions at least once a week. My dp says that once in Oz I will not want to come back, but I really wonder.....

Fernbeth · 02/08/2005 20:08

Lewislewis, home might always be where the heart it when it comes down to it. My friends in Australia who are expats all experience the issues I currently am and they all miss home to some degree. I believe you need to be in a very strong relationship to be able to support eachother through the change as it will be stressful. Nowhere in Australia has nearly as much theatre culture as London but Melbourne and Sydney are the obvious choices if that is what is important to you. We don't have the modern history either but we have great wildlife, beaches and deserts!

stripey · 02/08/2005 20:57

Fernbeth where are you in the UK? Are you in London - if so which part?

bobbybob · 02/08/2005 22:49

I went with the technique used by a tribe (which I can't remember) who when they landed on an island the first thing they did was burn their boats - then they had to make a go of it.

We sold everything, brought everything we couldn't bear to sell, sold our house. We have been here 6 years and I am never going back - the fact that I can't afford a house in the UK ever again isn't relevant because I just don't want to.

Honestly there comes a point where you stop working out what the price is in pounds, stop converting kilos to lbs and get used to the different weather - for us here in Chch that's getting used to every day being windy.

bobbybob · 02/08/2005 22:50

Oh and just to add that although dh was keenest to come back he ended up going back to UK for a holiday the next year because he missed it!

eidsvold · 02/08/2005 23:32

bobbybob we did that - although we had a house to come to here in Aus - I never sold my house - kind of doing what suzy said - experience and take what you can from England and then return home to raise your kids. Once dh and I got together - I can distinctly remember telling him I did not intend to live in England forever, nor did I intend to raise children there so if he was interested in me then he needed to consider that... poor man never stood a chance.

You know - culture, galleries etc - can be found here too. We are not some cultural wasteland. As well as amazing landscape and lifestyle.

We sent three boxes of stuff that we could not bear to part with and brought three suitcases with us.... and went from there. Sold our apartment in the UK too - we could not afford the lifestyle we have here in the UK.

melissasmummy - if you dh has aussie citizenship - easy to claim aussie citizenship for the kids and then do your spousal visa.... Rather than trying to do spousal visa and have the kids attached to that......

lewislewis - I am inclined to agree with your dp. We miss our friends and family back in the UK but figurew we can visit - and they can visit... we have our third lot of visitors arriving in a couple of weeks.

bobbybob · 03/08/2005 02:13

How much culture can you go to once you have kids?

As long as you in a largish town and take advantage of everything going. I think Christchurch City Council has brought more culture to 300,000 people than Oldham Council ever did.

suzywong · 03/08/2005 02:14

good point bobbybob
and if you really are desparate for you little ones to be au fait with German Expressionism and Burundi drumming there is always....the interweb