Does anyone else worry themselves stupid?

[Angiel]

Perhaps I am a total lunatic, but does anyone else worry constantly?

Everytime I go out without my kids, I worry about whether I will see them again. After a long drive, I breathe a huge sigh of relief that we've made it in one piece. If someone rings me early in the morning or late at night, I panic because I think it must be bad news.

I'm going to visit a friend in a few weeks and I am flying with my dd. I'm scared stiff about getting on the plane and leaving my other 2 at home.

Tell me I'm not the only one like this, pleaseeeee!

You are NOT the only one like this. I am terrible and thought I was the only one. I walk along the road and such thoughts cross my mind that I can't even be brave enought to admit it here where no-one knows me! I think I could go mad with worry sometimes. I am always worrying and end up thinking it will happen when I least expect it.

So, you also imagine hideous scenarios and plan what you will do then?

Ang, when my DH was really late home from night shift one morning I had got as far as planning the funeral..! How sad is that?!

Seriously, worrying about things you can't control is a sign of depression. Might be worth a word with your GP.

I am the world worst worrier, & in my case it was made much much worse when I was badly depressed. Prozac, then Counselling made me much more together... I'm sure I'm still not "normal", but I'm getting there.

I remember going thru whole scenario of how I would look after family when my dad was a few minutes late home from work, & still am like that now, especially as have only one child, can't imagine what I would do without her but having her makes me worry more. If that makes sense. Still feel panic if she makes a noise in the night etc.
I wonder if I am properly depressed as am easily very down, but have tended to be this way for a long time, think having the responsibility for someone else's life intensifies everything.

Me too, me too! I am terrile and can totally relate to the planning stages - who I would ring first, what I would say, who would look after DD while i go to the hospital etc. etc. - nice to see i am not the only loopy one around here!

Mine's about me at the moment. I was in tears last night thinking I have throat cancer and what my poor little darlings would do without a mummy just when they need one most. (I've been to 2 doctors and they say I haven't but this time I just don't believe them -it's awful - and i hate admitting this because it seems SO pathetic)

I'm sorry to hear that mmm. Why do you think you've got throat cancer? It must be very upsetting for you.

I've also gone through the worries about what will happen to my kids if something happens to me. Especially with my flight imminent I'm terrified I'll never see them again.

Ang as you know I am a real worrier as well, I think its all part and parcel of being a parent! Given some of the things you have been through I'm not surprised you get a little paranoid. As for the flying....I'll be waiting with a strong drink at the other end for you!

The only thing I worry about( even then only slightly if at all) is the fact I don't worry about my kids at all .
I don't worry or even remember their milestones.
I only know the birthweight of my third ( 9.11) because it's the name of a porsche. The other two I can't remember and couldn't care less!

My daughter was a late talker and I posted about it here because people kept asking me if I was concerned. I find my kids' quirks interesting rather than worrying.

Should I be worried ?

mmm just read your message. Please do tell us more if you feel comfortable doing so.
Why do you think you have throat cancer?
I am a dentist and it is one of my pfofessional interests.
The fear of having throat cancer (while not having it) is not uncommon and I have come across it many times in my working life.

I am terrible, I don't ever close my dd or ds's doors unless they have a window open - just in case they suuffocate. I mean I ask you. Also I try to hear them breathing from outside the door but if I can't I usually go in and usually wake them by accident.
Yesterday dh took the kids out and wasn't back when I expected him so I phoned one of my friend who I thought might have seen him at the group to find out if he had stayed for coffee.
Sometimes he goes to the loo in the night and if he's a REALLY long time I chack on him (that's because I saw Kilroy once about all these dh's dropping dead for no reason and my dh is not the healthiest person IMO.

Writing this down, I think perhaps I'm nuts, this is only some of the things I worry about but I am the most reasonable non neurotic person in the world! Bizzarre

OMG! Thankyou Ang for posting that, you have just made me feel so much better. Sorry your'e worrying yourself like that tho i know it can drive you mad! I never really worried until i became a parent and when i was on prozac i never worried at all so it probably is a symptom of depression. I think i am still mildly depressed but don't want the pills. I worry sooo much about health issues and it's been made worse by the stuff going on with my youngest and the immune system problem. At the moment my uncle is dying with a brain tumour and my nanna(his mother) has just found out she also has cancer so i keep worrying that someone else might get it! I also didn't send my youngest on his school trip because i felt too anxious about it.
At least were not alone and we can all worry together!

You'll probably hate me for admitting this ,but I used to smoke loads of dope and snort loads of drugs - I stopped about 15 years ago - and I guess I think I have cancer because you can't abuse your body so much and not pay for it and since I have become pure and a mother I want to be around for my gorgeous children. There - it's so embarrassing to admit to a sleazy past. ( I have had a sore throat for about 2 months, my voice seems to be changing and I have a sore bit under my tongue and I seem to have a constriction in my throat). So thankyou for your concern but as it is all self inflicted I probably don't deserve it !

mmm,please dont be so hard on yourself-if your concerns have been investigated thoroughly then im sure it may well be psychosomatic,which is not said to belittle your fears and feelings,i have had similar fears recurring since becoming a mother ,also due to my "wild" past,to be honest with you suitable counselling may help,it did me,contact me privately if you wish as i may have no's etc which may be of use.and be assured there are plenty of people with far worst pasts which have not affected their health,but,pls dont worry about reseeking medical advice if you are not satisfied.take care and try not to upset yourself.

mmmm I am sure there are things we all regret doing but to worry as much as you are is destructive. Go to your doctors and get yourself checked over, if only to put your mind at rest. You wont enjoy your life with this hanging over your head and the only thing you will regret is not seeing a doctor sooner. Take Care.

Oh mmm, it must be horrible feeling like this. I think I know what you mean a bit as I recently gave up smoking, having smoked on and off (but more on) for 19 years (17 if you take off the 2 years of not smoking) and I still worry that lung cancer will get me, which of course it could (I'm 36). I keep a lid on my anxiety by telling myself that my dad didn't get lung cancer until he was 59 despite never giving up smoking and that worrying isn't going to help me not get it but I may well have stopped soon enough and that is. Maybe that doesn't help you but the principle sounds similar to your worry. If you gave up drugs 15 years ago I should think you're Ok (and your doctor has checked it and said you are too!) but like I said, I know the feeling. Our bodies are good at recovery you know if we treat them well - look at how many people survived the sixties and reassure yourself with that. Even Timothy Leary only popped off fairly recently! I suspect the effect of taking a load of drugs is much less than the effect of smoking and plenty of smokers give up and live long and happy lives. I do think that worrying excessively can be a sign of depression - when I was depressed it was certainly one of my major symptoms - but I also think it's natural to worry to an extent if you're a parent and certainly it's normal to worry more than you did when you were young (and therefore thought you were immortal) and childless. When it's getting in the way of your enjoyment of life, then it's tipping into depression and neurosis IMO but if you think this is the case there is help out there if you want it, as yoko says.

I too used to worry about not being around for my ds. I also used to worry about getting attacked when with ds, and how it would affect him. I have since gone back on ADs, and all these worries havevanished. I knew that these thoughts were not rational, even while having them, and that made me worry even more!

mmm .... I don't know what to say to reassure you but I think WWW has said it all very well ...
I smoked from the age of 13 until I was pregnant with DS and then started again afterwards and stopped recently .... so I understand why you worry about it all. My dad smoked 60 a day for 30 years ... he stopped 17 years ago and is healthier now at the age of 66 than he was at the age of 48 .... the fact that you stopped so long ago when you were young is all in you favour.
If you are so worried could you keep going to the doctor to have more tests?? Have they given you a good enough reason as to why you have had a sore throat for so long??
On the worrying front I am as bad as the rest of you .... I am always worrying about what I would do if something happened to DH ... how would I cope? What would I do? Who would I call? Like tallulah I have even planned his funeral before ... Recently I was coming home and heard on the radio about a fatal car smash on the motorway ... my DH drives a lot and I was convinced that he was involved ... I sat in the car worrying about it all the way home thinking that he didn't know I was pregnant yet and how would I deal with the fact that he died and never knew he was going to be a dad again. I was a wreck by the time I got home ... and all I needed to do was pull over and ring him on the mobile but I didn't think of it.
I am terrible ... just like you Angie ... I flew on my own to South Africa when I was pregnant with DS and hated my whole holiday because I was convinced that DH or I were going to die before we saw eachother again ... I always dream up awful scenarios which have the worst things happen in them ....
I have loads more examples but I won't bore you with them .... it is nice to know I am not the only one!!!

Thankyou all of you for being so unjudgemental. I feel like bursting into tears for your caring replies.
I will go again and get it checked out. It's certainly not helping my life to feel so afraid. But I don't think I'm depressed ( I've had that too !) And good on you WWW for stopping smoking the horrid fags. I smoked for 23 years and was so pleased to stop when I was pregnant with my daughter who's 8 (with acupuncture and homeopathy)and I think cigarettes are harder to stop than heroin from my experience.They're all around, they're legal etc.

mmm- just found this thread and so pleased to her that the eloquent and caring posts have helped convince you that it is worth getting yourself checked out. Please stick to this and phone first thing on Monday to make that appointment to help prevent you from "backing out". You will feel so much better for doing something about it, I promise.

As for people judging you - sure, there are always prejudiced unkind idiots out there with nothing better to do than ciriticise others but there are also far more people will praise you for having such caring feelings towards your family and your desire to be around to look after everyone. What is more important is that you stop being so hard on yourself and judging your past as if your present doesn?t count! You are who you are now and your past is just that - in the past. Rather than viewing it all as negative experiences, look on it as a way of marking how far you have come and how much you have learnt - turn it into the positive. Also, think how much better informed you are now and what a better position you are in to guide and watch out for your children as a result of it all. I am not justifying drugs etc. just saying that there is always a positive outcome of every situation and experience if we look hard enough and are prepared to learn and forgive ourselves. That might sound like a load of old tripe but it comes from the heart and helps me cope with the knowledge that there is an awful lot of things in my past that I am thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed of. Trying to find strategies to cope and live with myself has been important in moving on and dealing with my insecurities - not 100% there yet and still have terrible pangs of guilt etc. but getting there and feel more grounded than I used to be.

I think going to the doctors and taking that next responsible step to look after your health could be a real turning point for you if you want it to be and help put a line under all of your past that you wish to leave behind you. Good Luck.

Yes, Angiel, you are not the only one. I don't think it is that uncommon but there is such a big taboo about talking freely about it. I regularly see doomsday scenarios involving me and/or family members unfurling in my mind. I really worry a lot and I know just how you feel. Cyberhugs to you and mmm - please make your appointment mmm, and let us know how you get on. Nicotine, the substance in tobacco which causes the addiction, is indeed much more addictive than heroin. Well done you for kicking the habit.

I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one, iykwim.

Hope you do make that appointment mmm, you obviously need a bit more reassurance. Once you know everything is ok, hopefully you will be able to put the past behind you.

I don't know whether excessive worrying is a sign of depression, I've been like it for years. But then maybe I've always been a miserable cow.

I am on prozac at the moment though so maybe that will help with some of my more unreasonable fears.

Soupdragon - you talking about writing a letter has reminded me of something. I remember watching an episode of the rugrats ages ago, when chucky's dad read a poem from chucky's mum that had died. Even now I think that if I ever find out I'm really ill, I want to get a copy of that poem for my kids.

OMG Ang...can't believe you just admitted to that..lol...Rugrats