What are the best spoonerisms you've heard?

[Hayls]

Unfortunately these came from me:
when trying to remember the names of the 7 dwarves- Doc, Sneezy, DUMPY and GROPEY. Thought my mum would cry laughing

when explaining why we weren't going out on Easter Sunday to my mum- the bunny c*nt's been hancelled...

Have typed shite instead of white a few times.

I'm pmsl laughing at these.
Not really a spoonerism but my mum once sent me for an Iceberg lettuce and couldn't understand why I came back with a normal one uuntil I explained that I'd asked the shop assistant for a 'nice big lettuce'. I still haven't lived it down 20 years later.
My sister (10) asked my other sister (22) on a packed train 'what does prostitute mean?' Older sister ummed and ahhed until younger one said to look at a sign, which said 'blah blah ...will be prosecuted

A few heared by myself include:
It's raining prats and dogs.
Going for a tom tit,

I once laughed a lot when a friend said,

"I don't like papes with grips in"

I'm forever doing this so its just run of the mill for me. Have been racking my brain all nght to try and remember the worst one and not sure if it is a spoonerism or not but I certainly got mixed up .
I was about 16 ice cream van came round with a dishy icecream lad/man. I asked for a 69er instead of a 99er. He replied 'don't you mean a 99er' after realising what i had said I apologised like there was no tomorrow and was the shade of scarlet for weeks after when recalling the incident. I did get my icecream but never went back again just in case

I once asked for a Teasted Toecake in a cafe.

Oh and one I accidentally used that turned out to be a good one -

"Cheggars can't be boosers"

Nicky Campbell was talking about 'Crap Circles' on R5 this morning instead of crop circles. Luckily it was only a few mins to the end of the programme.

lol

Iklboo - PMSL at Cheggers can't be boozers - as he used to be quite well known as one!

Typing??? I'm forever putting "gratefuk". Thank heavens for Spellchecker!

I have to watch for thankfukky Iklboo.
These are brilliant . Best I can come up with is ds' take on Darwin "We're all descended from MONKS mummy".

Describing a stiffy tockee pudding to my grandma.

PS Should have said, never cried laughing at a thread before, this is lovely.

when rhubarb and i were kids she once said " shhhhhhhh the ears have walls......." i think i soiled myself laughing so hard.

Not quite a spoonerism, but my dear old grandma always used to say that she didn't like to use granulated sugar on cakes, because sugar was better when it was castrated.

we used to have some lombardy poplar trees in our garden. my brother was convinced they were called long bloody poplars

My first boyfriend tripped up the kerb and lay there yelling 'Oh god I think I've wisted my twankle'.... and then couldn't understand why I was bent double peeing myself instead of helping him.

and in my first year of teaching all the new teachers had to go to meet the govenors at the end of the year to tell them how we'd got on. My two friends were male PE teachers who'd started with me. The first one wanted to tell the governors that he and John had had great success with the boys' football teams that year. He was so nervous, though, that he said 'John and I have had great sex this year...'

ROFL and PMSL @ these
I still can't say Cradle Cap ... always say Cradle Crap.

DS calls cornflakes "Flay Corns"
Makes me smile every day.

Resurecting this excellent thread

My Ma used to say spoonerisms all the time. My brother was off to collage and she meant to say to him 'When you come home we will kill the fatted calf (biblical reference we were a god fearing family )

What she said was 'When you come home we will fill the cat did fart'.

We all fell about laughing

DP cheerily announced one morning "Your sisters Shatalie & Narlotte are here" instead of 'Natalie & Charlotte'.