This is very serious and I am very sad

[janh]

When DS1 (14) came home from school today he told me that there had been an "incident" on the railway line, 200 yds away - someone had stepped in front of a train. This was about 4pm. We talked about it and thought it was sad but that was all.

About 7pm, next-door-neighbour's son asked if we had seen his dad, Tom. He had gone out for a walk about 3.30. Tom has been suffering from cyclical depression - 6-7 years - he just went into the current cycle about 6 weeks ago and was due to start ECT today.

You can see where I'm going, can't you? The body on the railway line was Tom. We are all totally devastated. Both my DS's are gutted and it is hard to esplain to them - when Tom's son asked, in all innocence, if we had seen his dad, we just gaped at each other, having put 2 + 2 together in about 2 seconds. Apparently he had twice tried to take an overdose in the last couple of weeks so he was feeling pretty desperate.

Oh Jan, that's awful. I can't imagine how you are all feeling. The poor lad wondering where his Dad was...it's just too awful.

My love to you all

Sending love and thinking of you all.

Oh JanH I am so sorry - anything I can say seems so empty. What a terrible, terrible tragedy for that family. And I guess the ripples affect so many. I can't imagine.

You must have to be incredibly desperate. I don't know what to say.

Its so sad to know how desparate he was and that he couldn't go / talk to anybody for help.

A couple of years ago I was waiting for a train and it came along the platform and somebody fell under it, totally freaked me out, but to know the person is so sad.

It does make me think though when I feel I am having a rough time I am lucky enough that I can talk to people about it, some people feel they don't have that option and the only escape is doing something like this - sad fact but soo true.

Really don't know what to say but how awful for everyone involved. Thinking of you all.

Janh Thinking of you all at this very sad time.

That's terrible, Janh. So sorry to hear about it.

It is a measure of how depressed he must have been to leave his son fatherless. I knew someone who set light to herself in her car, and left her two children behind. She was also pregnant at the time. Having been at the stage myself where I actually thought that the world would be a better place without me there, I can totally sympathise with Tom, but also with his devastated family. What a sad posting Janh. I hope that your ds is not too affected by this. How old was Tom's son?

Oh Jan, how dreadful. So sorry to hear this happened - hope you and your son are coping OK too.

Janh - my thoughts and prayers are with you all at this very sad time.

so sorry janh. What a sad and unexpected thing to happen. I am so sorry for the son and the rest of Tom's family who are left behind. And what a sad situation to be in for you and your sons and you. Your youngest son is only 9 or 10 isn't he? Still innocent of so much in life. How do you explain something like this.

Oh my god, how awful, I totally agree with exactly what chinchilla has said,

Janh ... what an awful thing to have happened ... thinking of you at this time ...

Such terrible news, Jan, and my heart goes out to all the family and friends (and also the train driver, for whom it must be devastating). My friend's sister did the same thing a number of years ago. She'd even arranged for my friend to collect her dd from nursery that day, because she knew she would no longer be around. It's just awful.

Jan - so sorry to hear such awful news. I wondered if the organisation called Cruse(who deal with bereavement) have any guidance on how to explain such a situation to young ones ( I know you have already done it - but perhaps there may be ongoing areas?)
Thinking of you

i`m really sorry janh

How tragic!? Be strong.

Just echoing what everyone else has said really. you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Don't really know what to say but like everyone else sending you and the poor young lads family lots of love.

Do knock on her door and have a cuppa with her, it really helps to know people care in situations like this even if you don't know her that well.

Sorry to hear this terrible news.

Such sad news. Thinking of you all and Tom's family as well. I hope your sons are coping OK. I assume this may have a bigger effect on your son who was there than initially thought because he can now relate the accident to someone he knows. Investigate some councelling for your family as it may help. Watch out for nightmares too. I'm sure you know all this anyway though.

I know in times of crisis people do appreciate knowing that others are thinking of them and there for them. Even if they may not show it they look back and remember the kindness and support shown to them.

Janh, I've only just read this, presumably your next door neighbours son knows by know about his father, did he get the news from someone else? I'm sure you will be a great strength to him as he goes through all the emotions of grief and comes to terms with his fathers death and the end point of his depression. My brother is a manic depressive so we get cycles of mania and depression (though he is very stable now). Last time he was depressed he tried to kill himself and although I know about this my mother doesn't, which is difficult. I'm sure just being there for your neighbur even with practical stuff like taking food over will help in the initial stages. I am thinking of you and your neighbour, what a horrible time for them.