What do you think about "not doing anything" when children are at school/nursery?

[morningpaper]

My daughter's peers are starting nurseries ... and I'm finding myself really SHOCKED at the fact that my mummy-friends aren't doing anything with their time while their children are out of the home. I asked a friend last week what she did and she said "Oh I just get home, tidy up a bit, have a coffee - and then I have to pick him up again!"

As I work from home there is ALWAYS some work I can do. I also do voluntary work and could always do with more time to get stuff done.

I also don't understand why their partners are happy with them just taking 'mornings off' to themselves - aren't they a bit miffed?

I'm probably just jealous but I can't help but think that they are just plain lazy! What do other people feel about this?!

kr - she wasn't only surprised, she called them 'plain lazy'!!!

But who, apart from MP, knows anyone who does that? I don't, they're all doing stuff in schools, studying, going to the gym, other voluntary work etc. I don't know anyone who does nothing apart from housework.

exactly flashingnose - and in the original post MP only says one person said she does that

Fairymum, you just said "I do it all" and then "I have a cleaner". Isn't this contradictory? Apart from anything else, not everyone can get a job where the cost of childcare and a cleaner is less than what they would bring home - one of my reasons for being a sahm at the moment (and I have also worked full time as a mother btw so I am not biased in one direction.)

TBH if I was put on the spot (not that I have 2 school age children yet, but they're getting there) I'd probably feel defensive, but wouldn't list what I did to someone who demanded to know what I do all day.

I'm looking forward to when ds2 goes to nursery next year. I have plans for the time. No, it's not paid, it might be eventually but I'm not doing it for that, but neither am I going to necessarily go into great depth of my plans to someone I had just met at the school gate who is implying I'm being lazy.

What bloody difference is it to you how I fill my days as long as I feel fulfilled, and why should I have to justify what my interests outside of my family are?

I hate hate HATE how everyone is fucking defined by what job they do. Why is our whole status in life defined by "so what do you do?"

PollyFiller - ipso facto, good SAHMS bring up good SAHPS? (altho that might contradict the experience of many previous generations) - and then masochists like yourself can carry on doing your good paid work that runs our blessed economy while he is a SAHP engaged in spending time with his children and - and pourquoi pas?

This is good fun this thread .

couldn't agree more GoerginaA - this thread has got me so cross!!

I too was brought up with a good protestant work ethic, and it has taken years of dh's influence to convince me that I don't actually have to fill every moment of every day with worthy, productive or income-generating activities. And do you know what? As a result I believe I, dh, and the kids have been happier.

Why not accept that some people want to slow down a bit, take time to enjoy life, instead of filling their lives with busy-ness.

pabla: no, we have a cleaner now, but only got while our third child was born under a year ago. but I know what you mean. In some cases it can just get too much. we are lucky because we both work flexi and have achieved the work/life-balance.

It just makes me laugh my head off that some posters imply that just because they live a certain way and it suits them, other mothers should be living a similar life.

An interesting suggestion there that only "masochists" go out to work! But, y'know, somebody has to...

So why do SAHMs moan so much?

I didn't notice me moaning

I haven't noticed any of us moaning either. I've seen a lot of moaning about us though.

FM are you seriously suggesting that SAHM's are so out of touch with their partners that they're more likely to get divorced. That's hilarious. And that they live in "parallel universes". Puuurleease (I'm a full time SAHM who also woorks from home and is a carer and certainly over-educated) so not sure whether I should be divorcing my husband (or he should be having an affair as I'm so dull) or should I be a power dressing business woman looking down my nose at SAHMs.

People do a mixture of what they want to and what they have to and its no-one else's business!

PollyFiller - so naive of you ! And I always thought your column so well-informed: the fact is, some people LOVE moaning .... some also love judging people for not doing what they are doing / think they ought to be ... as for masochists, well I have no comment on those who work through choice AND complain!

I for one couldn't imagine anyone else wanting to do what I do, as why should they have the same family circs / research interests / desire to plump cushions as me?

Anyway, must dash, the occasional tables and doilies are gathering dust as I type ...

agree with georgina a

You go sort the antimacassers, PHDmum .

I KNOW I'm jealous, ambrosia!

Marvellous. So as well as waste your educations, why don't we just roll back the whole womens' liberation movement, and get us ALL back in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant. Great.

how is it undermining women's liberation, polly? my HUSBAND is the one having a coffee and catching a little daytime telly whilst dd is napping.

pollyfiller you are obviously very transparent