Any American mums feeling out of place?

[Foz]

I have been living in the north with DH and DS (20 mnths) and just don't feel like I fit in. I miss my girlfriends in the states and find it so much easier to make friends in the US. I think it is to do with the british culture of privacy. I go to these toddler groups and other mums don't really talk to each other.

So, just feeling a bit lonely and homesick...anyone else?

DC's about to become 'trailer trash'.

:o

oooh expat. i've seriously pissed people off in my chat thread

No DaddyCool I'm not a pikey.

where 'up north' are you anoah? i'm in co. durham.

I thought expat's 2nd reply to Anoah was unnecessarily sharp, too.

I'm also an american ex-pat, Anoah, but I'm far away from north of England.... and I have given up on ever making friends in this country. Keep bumping this up, though, esp. in term-time, hopefully some more people will see it.

'ey up Expat, not like you to be so rude! What's up?

Hi Anoah...where are you in the north? I was looking at a website called netmums the other day and there was an american lady living close to me who was in the same position as you.

We had an american girl in our antenatal group but she didn't keep in touch after the first few meet-ups. Looking back, I wonder whether she felt she didn't fit in? Hard to know how she was feeling really. I saw her when her baby was about three months old but she seemed to deliberately ignore me so I didn't persue it.

She did come to one meet up, a few months later, and we were discussing "noisy electronic toys" and I said something along the lines of "at least it doesn't have an annoying american accent". What I meant to say was "it's good that it has a british accent", but it came out wrong. We hadn't seen her for about six months and I just wasn't used having my guard up in case I said anything out of place.

I apologised profusely and tried to explain myself, but i was too late. Doh!

and FWIW, being british myself, I can totally understand why an American mum might feel that our culture is difficult to break into.

I find Americans stand out a mile in our culture, not that there's anything I can put my finger on, just that as soon as I hear the accent, it conjures something up (same with any strong foreign accent if I'm honest). When I've been in America, immersed in their culture, of course, it's totally different.

I don't know how anyone can say it's not a cultural thing.

I'd love to know more people from different cultures but I suspect our culture, by it's nature, freezes them out a bit.

I also found expat's response to Anoah's post completely OTT. Overly defensive, maybe?

Having lived over there for a bit, I wonder if the main culture shock for North Americans living here is just that they are so hospitable and most Brits just aren't - in terms of welcoming anybody and everybody into their homes that is (IME anyway) - so we can seem cool even when we don't mean to be.

Also, quite apart from the culture thing, our houses are generally so small!

Anoah, I live in Lancs - is that anywhere near you? I'm not American but I do like Americans (honest!

hey Janh I didn't know you were in Lancs

Oooh I know someone called Janet H and she lives in Lancs....is it you? Did you once know a vet????

Um - what do you mean by "know", mogwai? lol!

Don't think it'll be me though

Perhaps its the north - I lived oop north for a while and had a terrible time. I've lived all over- including Japan (where I also has lot of American friends) - but the only place I struggled in was the north. I suspect however it has more to do with the particular crowd you are in/people you are mixing with at any time.

I'm miles from you, if you were closer I'd say pop in.

I'm also in Lancs...perhaps we should have a Lancs meet-up? (slinks away meekly - have I been bit forward??!)

There are quite a few MNers in Lancs, cs, maybe we should!

There are a lot more in the NW as a whole and we tend to join in the Manc ones instead (or even cross the Pennines sometimes ).

Well I think its about time we had a Lancs meet-up. I'm jelous of all the other meet-ups I keep seeing threads about!

I've got quite a few American friends and one of them summed us Brits up quite well. She said, you meet someone you like and get on with, but there's something you can't put your finger on that makes you feel uncomfortable, for about seven times you meet, then all of a sudden on the eighth meeting the ice breaks and you get told some really quite shockingly intimate stuff that perhaps you didn't want to know, but it means you're friends now anyway.

I think we are quite a bit more laid back (in general, obviously) especially in terms of socialising. Things tend to happen among British people without a lot of effort being put in. I'm always struck when I visit my American friends how much extra they've done (eg you go round for a coffee and they've made cake and hand ground the beans and laid the table, that sort of thing). I suppose we look pathologically miserable, mean and stand-offish in comparison. (We aren't, though.)

Our new neighbour in NY told DH some quite astonishingly intimate family stuff within about 5 minutes of meeting him for the first time so yes, that is quite a big difference, lol!