do you think that it's possible to have a sensible conversation about awareness re falling fertility in the light of the other thread....

[Heathcliffscathy]

sorry about the humungous thread title...

but do you think we could talk about the question of putting off career to have babies/being aware of falling fertility as you age without resort to handbags at dawn?

i know it is a terribly emotional thing for all of us (me included massively). but is there room for discussing whether there should be a cultural seachange back to having your children younger...to avoid the pain and heartache of waiting til you're in your forties to start and struggling?

are we not just all victims of the 'you can have it all' age and this is another example of this? '

Don't like your boobs, teeth, lips....change em...get stumped in the eyelash/nails department, thats ok just stick em on....'.

The truth of having children is that they kind of change your body, more so for some than others, and they don't usually enhance it if you know what i am mean ha...do you think that we are sold this idea that we should be able to have what we want when we want it and that this attitude has just filtered over into childbearing....you can see how there is an element of fear fed to us by the 'because you're worth it' media....why not put off the figure changing and freedom restricting child rearing process and revel in looking YOUNG YOUNG YOUNG cos if you don't look good you are nothing....???

A childless friend of mine who has remarked that if she doesn't meet the right man and have children {she is 37} then at least she won't have the 'awful wrinkled belly, stretchmarks and will still look good in my bikini....'
{ah bikini's... i remember them....

I think telling more mature mothers they have done women a disservice is a bit much!

One problem is that people don't really understand how risk, works or statistics.

People have often said to me 'oh, well you give me hope' and I ppint out that one woman's experuience has no baring whatsoever on another's.

But for many women 43 is still a childbearing, fertile age.

For many it is not, and once it's not, it's not - no matter how many others are doing it.

Older mothers have always existed. It isn't a new thing. Lots of women in countries where contraception is not acceptable continue to have babies into their 40s - BUT they have also maybe had their first children much earlier.

I think also a lot of women have a very nice life without children. So there is a sort of torpor around thinking if I try and don't have them it's allright. And therefore the sense of urgency is not there. Actually once I had them I realised this is fabulous and so much more rewarding a life (for me that is, before anyone jumps on me). And if I'd started earlier I could have had a bigger gap between them (had 3 under 3.5 at one point and that was hard).
And in fairness it hasn't all been plain sailing. My youngest is somewhere on the autistic spectrum, Maybe that wouldn't have happened if we had them younger., Who knows and totally useless to speculate.
Do know though that at this point in time I am a very good parent to my children and my age is not an issue for them. Indeed there are 2 mums in my oldest child's class who are older than me. And most of the parents are in their late 30s.

In terms of what I would recommend to my daughter I would say train for a well paid career which is possible to work part time in and still earn good money e.g GP, vet, accountant, teacher. Get a few good years experience in before you have children, then go part time for a while and resume career when children are older. If I could turn back the clock I would have chosen a definite profession. Much easier to specialise and keep up to date through part time working.

Yes, I beleive it is very widely known that fertility drops off sharply at 35. I am 'well educated' and I have known this for years. But like many women, from the age of 20 I tried and tried and tried to find a vaguely stable man prepared to commit himslef to a life of bliss with me (I am a nice person! ). Finally happened at age 35.

This is an incredibly common problem, and women like me get blamed for being career bitches! So unfair, when it is the dearth of mature men that is the problem. We only do the career thing as we realise this may be all there is if Mr Right never turns up. I tried everything, and finally met my wonderful DH through a blind date set up! Now we have one lovely DD born literally days before my 40th.

This thread is breaking my heart as we desperately want DD to have a sibling, but don't know if we can achieve this or whether we should risk it given the terrible pregnancy complications I had first time around. I would give just about anything to have met DH ten years earlier, but I realise this issue is not uncommon these days. I sincerely hope the tide is turning and that men are becoming responsible and mature earlier. It is so sad that women get blamed.

I am apparently so 'well educated' that I can't even spell 'believe'! Forgive me, it is late.