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Original poster

Do you ever wonder what you are going to do with your life when your children start school?

93 replies

Fio2 · 05/05/2005 11:21

Long title I know

But after being a sahm for 6 years nearly and I have another year at home, i just feel at a loss what to do. I keep looking through the paper at jobs and looking at college courses and nothing really inspires me. i have done some short courses and I enjoy textile work immensley but I dont know how and if I would carry that on into a prefession. I feel tied to looking after the children (even though I love them!) even when looking at other things to do. i feel as lost now as what to do as when i left school.

Does anyone else feel odd and a bit well useless, lost your identity? or is it just me?

ps. i know this is not a major problem, just want to discuss it......and wouldnt mind being bossed around as what to do

OP posts:
Tinker · 05/05/2005 11:23

Do you need to earn a living though? I mean, if you love textile work, could you not do something involving that which may not be lucrative but enjoyable?

lima · 05/05/2005 11:24

I've been sAHM for 2 yrs and have just decided that I'm never going to work again - too much hassle - even when they are in school there's half-term and holidays to contend with, plus the school day is very short.

WigWamBam · 05/05/2005 11:25

Yes, my dd is off to school in September, and after 4 years of being at home with her, I haven't got a clue who or what I am if I'm not a SAHM. I don't know what kind of work I could look for that would fit in with school hours and holidays, and I think I shall feel a bit like a spare part - not wanted on voyage kind of thing.

I have one year of my OU degree to finish, put on hold since dd was born, so I guess I'll finish that, maybe look for some daytime adult education classes ... sounds really exciting, doesn't it . I can't get it into my head that I won't be a full-time mother anymore, someone else will have my dd for most of the day and I shall have to find a life!

tiffini · 05/05/2005 11:26

i have only been of work for 18 months. Before i had a job in middle management, but am already losing my confidence in my ability to go back to that, and i have another 4 years at home yet.
I feel like i am gonna have to start from scratch when i return to work, maybe do something totally different.

ghosty · 05/05/2005 11:27

That is precisely why I have started a business of my own ... while DD is still a baby ... so that when she does go to school I won't have that dilemma.
If I didn't do something other than look after my children I'd be feeling like you Fio2 ... so I understand your predicament ...
If money isn't a problem, what do you fancy doing? Could you do some volunteer work or something that is 'worthwhile'?

Original poster
Fio2 · 05/05/2005 11:29

Tinker yes I think i will have to work. We have a much higher mortgage than when i gave up work and I did intend to go back into work earlier but with my daughters 'problems' and a few other things that happened it hasnt been possible. I have just lost all my confidence. i dont know what i could do with textiles that could make me any money tbh and yes wigwambam I feel like a spare part too

OP posts:
ssd · 05/05/2005 11:31

Yes Fio2, I feel the same way. I've always worked but very part time and also childminding to fit around the kids. But I'd love to do something different when the ds's start school. I DEFINATELY need to earn money, doing nothing is not an option. But as you said what fits around school hours and all the holidays? Not much! And as much as I said I do need to earn money, even if my dh earned a great salsry I'd still want to work. Spending all day going for coffee with all of the other SAHM's is wearing thin with me and I need more and I think work would fullfil (SP?) me more....

Chandra · 05/05/2005 11:35

Going back to your original question... I guess that I will be so happy spending the money we now devote to pay for nurserie's fees in trips for the family.

beatie · 05/05/2005 13:38

What kind of things do you do with textiles?

What did you work as before you had your children?

nutcracker · 05/05/2005 13:41

Yes i wonder and worry about it all the time, or at least i did. Have now decided to just go back to college like i know i really want to and have a bit of faith in myself that I can actually acheive something for a change.

My youngest doesn't start school until 2007 but by that time I will hopefully be going to uni.

pleaserewind · 05/05/2005 13:42

mine started school 2 years ago and i still stay at home.
i would like to do something just for my own self esteem but with school holidays, and drop offs/pick ups i feel it may not be worth the stress.
i often feel that people think i am lazy but in all honesty i am usually pretty busy and the school have a lot of oppurtunities to come in so i am lucky that i can always be there

SoupDragon · 05/05/2005 13:43

The tricky thing is finding something that is school hours, term time only. Or forking out for childcare to take up the slack.

bundle · 05/05/2005 13:44

colleague of mine works part time, term time, though has a cm for school pick ups too.

lima · 05/05/2005 13:45

I don't want to put my 2 in childcare and I want to be there for Harvest Festival, school play etc etc

beatie · 05/05/2005 13:48

Are you able to work part time? Then you could spend the rest of your time either filling your time with your hobby or try to make things and sell them to make money (I'm not sure what you do so just throwing that in there)Or perhaps you could make stuff for a local youth theatre or Am Dram society.

OR

Work part time and go to Uni part time and get a degree in textiles.

OR If you're really good at your textile stuff, perhaps you could become an Adult Education Teacher at your local college. That way you'd be working term time only and could run a mixture of day classes and one or two evening classes. It's possible to gain an Adult Education teaching qualification from your local college.

whymummy · 05/05/2005 13:52

i'm the same fio,dd started school in september and i've still haven't found out what i want to do,i got really excited about a book illustrator course and it got cancelled,i want to paint murals but i haven't passed my driving test yet so travelling would be hard.do you have "in touch" learning and work,where you live?is free and they give you lots of advice i'm going to make another appointment with them

bundle · 05/05/2005 13:53

i am there for dd1's special assemblies etc and pick her up the two days a week which i don't work, she goes to afterschool club 3 days. for me, this was the best kind of compromise as i love my job and cannot imagine not working. but i am lucky and have v understanding and flexible boss

Marina · 05/05/2005 13:57

I work full-time outside the home and save my flexi-time for the holidays and for Harvest Festival, plays etc. I haven't missed a single event at ds' school.

Enid · 05/05/2005 13:58

this is why I am working hard to juggle a part time job and 2 small children - didn't want to feel useless once they go to school (and I'm not saying people should feel useless, but I am not a woman who can get excited about cleaning house or doing the garden).

puddle · 05/05/2005 14:08

I agree with Enid - I have juggled too for this very reason. And I think I would feel the same in your situation Fio. I think it must be extremely hard to get back into work having been out for 6 years. What about getting some career counselling? What did you do before kids? Maye think about the kinds of things you did before and what you enjoyed about each would be a start - you could begin to think aout the kind of thing you might like to do and also be qualified for.

NomDePlume · 05/05/2005 14:13

I felt a bit like this too, Fio. In fact it's the major reason for me doing my Radiography degree, it'll take me 4 years (including the Access year), but I know I'm not qualified enough to get anything other than dull office work for a pittance. Going into re-training works for me because I get to do a job that I find interesting and challenging, work in front-line public service, feel like I'm 'making a difference' (corny I know, but hey-ho) and be able to earn a decent wage.

QueenEagle · 05/05/2005 14:14

I have been a SAHM for 13 years with the exception of the occasional part time temping work here and there. Plus I was a professional foster carer up until about 18mths ago.

I am about to embark on some extremely challenging voluntary work which will hopefully lead on to the possibility of a part time paid job when my youngest starts school in 4 and a half years time.

I agree with whoever said to talk to a careers advisor, you could thrash out with them what really appeals to you as well as what you know you would be good at, then go from there.

Enid · 05/05/2005 14:16

Yes, I'm with Marina, I know lots of working mums at dd's school and none of us have ever missed an event.

Enid · 05/05/2005 14:16

What do you want to do Fio?

pabla · 05/05/2005 14:19

I've got until Sept 2008 before the youngest starts school but I'm already wondering what I will do - hopefully something part-time during school hours, which definitely rules out what I did before I became a sahm. Whymummy, where was the book illustrator course being run? I would love to do something like that....

Fio2 I know what you mean about losing your identity - it usually only strikes me when I am in a social situation where I am the only sahm. Dh and I went out for a meal with a friend of his and his girlfriend at the weekend and when they all started talking about work I just felt like shrinking into a corner.