feel so ashamed

[uselessmummy]

to say this but lately I just dont like my baby at the moment although I love him with all my heart.

I feel sick to see the words typing out in front of me.

Nothing I do seems to make my boy happy (he is 13mths old) I take him to classes and to activities and he just whines and moans and clings to me. If we are alone at home he does the same. If I take him for a nice walk, he does the same. I feel like my life is impossible at the moment. All of the other 'mums' that I made friends with have made it clear they are not interested, one girl even said that my ds makes her stressed so much she can't cope with his bawling, as she put it. Why can't I have a chille dout content baby like they all seem to?

I can't shop(groceries, which for a while was my most exciting thing to do) can't visit friends with him as he cries so loudly he upsets everyone.It's a daily occurance to have people tut and whisper things like...aaaah poor thing, pick him up etc, it just is so tiring and stressful.

I saw a group of mothers today having a picnic and chatting with each other while their babies crawled around and there was me with my ds screaming until we got home.

I always dreamed of the day I could have my own baby and sing to him,soothe him, play with him, learn with him, instead I just feel like he gives me nothing in return. I have to keep happy and not let the way I'm feeling show but after 10 months of this I feel like I am going to crack.

What on earth is wrong with me?

Hi there
Haven't much to add except my friends ds was just like your until he started to walk. She always says that 'he just hated being a baby'. He's always been fiercely independent and just wanted to get on with things himself, full of energy. he changed almost overnight at about 14 months. Before then she could barely sit down with him - held him all the time and kept on the move so he didn't have a meltdown.

I would definitely have him checked out though - my ds had cranial osteopathy and it really settled him. he had a difficult birth. A lot of places do free initial assessments. If your in London I really recommend the Harley Street Children's osteopathy place - it's a charity so you make a donation - wonderful people there.

Of course he's at his worst with you. He is totally secure in your company and can show you exactly how he's feeling. It's a backhanded compliment children give their parents!

PLease change your name now. If you are going to be positive towards your child, you should also be positive to yourself.

If you keep posting as useless, that is how you will feel.

yes absolutely. change your name. you are not useless. all mummies are great!

I just meant all babies are people firstly and babies secondly. Some people don't enjoy the baby stage of life whereas some thrive in it.

There is a lot of pressure nowadays to be a perfect mum. And all the parents tv shows go on about how it is all down to the parent. But in reality it must be a combination.

there you go, not too creative, but I am tired and it's a start.

Positivemummy .... that is much better

it is a start and it made me smile.

now where is your little boy now.

is he with you?

toddle off and sing heads and shoulders, knees and toes to him, with actions. and let me know if you raise a smile.

snigger

he is having a nap, just going to wake him now. Then we'll have a session with The Wiggles Cd I think.
xx

I have a terribly whiney nearly - 13 month old, (you could come join us on the April 2004 babies thread if you want we have a few March and May mums too!)

He gets bored of me really easily (not surprising... he sees me nearly all day every day.) and it does break my heart when he's spent the day grizzling and whining and the minute his dad comes home he's all smiles and laughter! Then tears when daddy leaves!

If he likes singing then perhaps try a baby music class - I take ds to monkey music as well which he likes. Other than that I'm waiting out for him walking too!

Maybe he is just teething? All mine got clingy and tearful when they were teething. DS2 who is 14 months old has been "off form" and drooling constantly for weeks and weeks but no teeth have appeared yet. I would also get his ears checked again - I know someone who's baby had no obvious signs of earache apart from constant fussiness and when she took her to the doctor found she had quite a bad ear infection.

BTW, my sister was visiting for the weekend, baby was very moany and clingy to me. She took him out for a walk yesterday as I had to take dd to the doctors, I was delayed getting back and thought he would be giving her loads of grief but he was totally fine and didn't seem to notice I wasn't there! So I think it is very common for them to play up to mum but be fine if she's not there.

the heads and shoulders knees and toes thing - you may laugh but I sang it to my dd (15 months now) every day or so for a few weeks with actions.

now whenever she is whinging and moaning . I say where is your ear. and she stops and points to her ear. where is your nose? etc etc/ now am teaching her more body parts. it just seems to stop her in her tracks and make her think about something else.

its a bit different as I only see her for one hour or so a day as I commute to London so am out from 7 am to 7pm. But I did that song with her each night for a bit - not long and she really has learnt something. v. satisfying and it is like magic in getting her to focus on something other than whinging (having said that she is a pretty place person and v. contented). Still it might work

Well, what can I say.

A big heartfelt thanks to all of you who posted on this site and made me feel ever so slightly better about myself and my baby. Giving me that glimmer of hope certainly made things that much easier and I am thrilled, no,overjoyed to be able to say that I don't know where my "challenging" or "high maintenance" child went, he has gone!

Since DS started to walk he is a different baby. Smiley, confident, sometimes cocky, contented, the list could go on.

I am able to take him out socially or even to the park and he just runs around like a little lunatic, giggling and astonished at his new found skill.

I have revived this thread to give any other distressed mums some hope. I know we spend our days wishing they could achieve milestones etc but this has truly been such a huge step for both of us. I can honestly say I adore and love my baby, as I did before, but it just feels so much more relaxed and natural - and not like a duty which is how it felt before.

Right I have finished my little speech and hope not to have sounded too smug.

hugs
xx

Message withdrawn

Fantastic! Now change your name to smileymummy

And be smug all you like - you deserve it!

That's great UMummy, so billiejo was right then!!!

Now change your name