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Original poster

If your two month old baby was in hospital with a serious chest infection...

42 replies

emkana · 22/04/2005 23:55

... would you, after you had spent the first night by his side, spend the second night in a separate room so that you could get a good night's sleep? And would you go out the next day, leaving the baby in the care of the nurses, while you go for a run, a coffee, and then out for a meal with your dh?

OP posts:

SeaShells · 23/04/2005 10:53

My dd was in hospital with bronchiolitis when she was about 6wks old, me or dp were there constantly, last thing on our minds would have been going off together for a coffee or a meal, we barely left to go to the cafeteria downstairs!

lailag · 23/04/2005 11:00

I agree with you Blu, after reading the story I changed my mind (but dh always says I'm a heartless mum....)

AngelCakeUmm · 23/04/2005 11:01

Well my answer is no my ds spent a week in hospital with suspected menengitis (sp)? and my myself and dp spent every night in his room by his side! Yes we were tired, emotionally and phisically drained, but at the end of the day that was our son who was very very poorly and he needed us! To give up a X amount of your time for yor child when you have a whole life time to sleep, shop, run go out what ever is not alot to ask in my opinion!

nutcracker · 23/04/2005 11:03

Erm no. I was actually in that position once with dd2, although she was nearly 2 yrs. I spent the first night with her but she wouldn't settle and so i had no sleep at all. Luckily me and dp swapped the next night, but i came straight back after a kip and spent the rest of the week there.

Certainly wouldn't be going out for a meal or anywhere else.

ghosty · 23/04/2005 11:04

Like marthamoo I laughed and laughed at that translation ....

But, back to the actual story ... I will confess that when DS was 6 weeks old I left him in hospital under the care of the nurses and DH.
You may think that terrible but you don't know the circumstances ... so I will explain ... the lady in the story may have had a similar situation ....

When DS was 4 weeks he was really sick and needed an operation. We were in hospital for 5 days. I was already traumatised by a terrible birth experience and a very sick baby and this was a scary time for me.
2 weeks after his op he got really ill again and was rushed to hospital with suspected meningitis ... he was 6 weeks old and had a lumbar puncture and the full works of iv antibiotics. He was in hospital for 6 nights. I was with him for 5 of those nights ...
I was, at this point, on the verge of losing the plot completely ... after all the previous events I was pretty much a basket case. On the last day DH insisted I went home and he stayed the last night with DS (by this time we knew that he didn't have meningitis and was pretty much better) ... my sister took me home, poured me a large glass of wine, ran me a bath and sat with me until I cried myself to sleep. I slept for 12 straight hours and was up and ready to greet DS with a cuddle and smile when DH brought him home.
I was put on anti depressants 2 weeks later and was on them until DS was 18 months old.

Am I a terrible mother? ... I hope you don't think so ...
Gxx

lailag · 23/04/2005 11:06

I was going to say that the child wasn't really so ill anymore
But then, wouw, looked at the previous page, she had 9 hours uninterupted sleep in this separate room???, haven't had this since ds was born 4 1/5 y ago

stitch · 23/04/2005 11:09

i think i would definitly take advantage of the sleeping thing. maybe even go for a coffee in the canteen if baby was asleep and dh was with her. but i would never go for a meal out of to tge gym or anything like that.
we all have our own priorities.
my sis, who is a doctor, once had a sick baby patient, and a very anxious mother. she was told by her registrar that even though the baby wasnt sick enough to require overnight care, she should admit the baby anyways so the mom could get a rest and some sleep.

tamum · 23/04/2005 11:11

I particularly liked her agonising over wheteher she'd done something wrong: "Did I drag it too much by the area?"

stitch · 23/04/2005 11:11

ghosty, how awful for you. but i am glad that things have worked out well. i think you are also lucky to have a lovley sister and husband.
taking care of the baby also means taking care of the mummy, and thats what they did.

mrsflowerpot · 23/04/2005 11:14

I can understand the sleep absolutely. I could also see going for a coffee in the hospital coffee shop or something if you were desperately stressed out by the whole situation and needed to get your head together for twenty minutes. But it just doesn't read like that - she sounds like she viewed it as an enormous treat to have this free childcare, not that she was at breaking point and just couldn't carry on.

geekgrrl · 23/04/2005 11:56

well I don't think it's so criminal either. Dd2 was in hospital for 6 weeks from 7-13 weeks old and we frequently went out for meals (to take our minds off a rather dire situation - dd was very sick), had to take turns sleeping in parents' accomodation anyway and one night a week we'd both leave the hospital together and be home with dd1 . We really needed those nights of 'normality' to stop us from totally falling apart.

Reading the article (in German, I am German) the baby was getting much better and was being cared for well by the nurses. I really don't think it's fair to judge.

SoupDragon · 23/04/2005 13:05

Actually, do you know what? I think I might well do that. I am not medically trained, I could do nothing for my child and the hospital could contact me immediately if needed. I could be far more use keeping myself together than cluttering up his bedside.

We left DS1 in hospital with pneumonia (aged 5, admittedly) without a second thought. He was in the right place, they knew what was wrong, he was stable and receiving the right treatment.

PeachyClaire · 23/04/2005 13:28

No.

When ds2 was in hospital with gastro, we left him long enough to get Brekkie at AmcDonalds coz we'd rushed there with nocash and had to get some (therefore could not use hospital canteen) but hate it and felt so guilty.

SenoraPostrophe · 23/04/2005 13:44

I'm with geekgrrl and soupie.

Having a baby/small child in hospital is horrific, but actually it's probably a lot worse for the parents than it would be for a 2 month old baby, who would sleep most of the time anyway.

When dd was in hospital she couldn't be left because Spanish nurses don't do looking after children (except when she was in intensive care, when they wouldn't let me see her). God i wish we'd been in Germany.

Original poster

emkana · 23/04/2005 14:56

geekgrrl - I think your situation is very different. I totally understand that you would need a break when it's such a long hospital stay. You can't be by their side every minute for six weeks, you need a break, and, as you say, some normality.

This woman's baby had only been in hospital for two days! I think that's a bit different.
I also think it makes a difference if the child is five years old, or if your dh stays with him/her. But to me the way this particular woman came across was difficult to understand.

OP posts:

misdee · 23/04/2005 15:12

TBH yes i would.

the baby would be in the care of trained nurses, and i think even a short illness in hospital u need some time away from the damn place.

not the same, but when dh is in hospital, we go and visit, then i pop off for a coffee, take the kids to the park(if they come with me), maybe get a meal as well, then go bacdk to see him. you cant spend a whole day in the hospital just sitting there with a baby or a grown up. with an older child u can do more, but again i feel that u'd need a break.

when dd3 was taken to special care, ididnt spend every minute down there. i went down there every 2 hours, helped with her feeds, gave her a cuddle etc and settled her back down to sleep. the nigth she was taken down, i went with her initially, went over what was happening, and then went back to the ward to get some sleep. i got about 6 hours sleep.

psychomum5 · 23/04/2005 15:13

I have been in hospital with my children many times, but my DD3 has been our poorlyist(?). She was born with chicken pox which made her so sleepy from day one that she just wouldn't feed, so lost a lot of weight. She was admitted back into hospital at 7dys because of that, and stayed for two weeks. I was so very very tired and had had a traumatic birth with her and was desperately in need of sleep and a break. Not for one moment did I contemplate leaving her, and we were well known on the ward as DD2 has an immune deficiancy and had been in herself lots (was even in just two weeks before DD3 was born with chicken pox too[hence who passed it on, as I had never had it and hence had no immunity!])
I ended up being made to go for a proper meal in the canteen, sobbing because I couldn't bear leaving her. She also has an immune deficiancy and has since been in with pnuemonia 3 times among many other illnesses to many to mention, and yet I still will not leave her for longer than 20mins, which is how long it takes me to go to grab some food from the shop.
Only once have I left her overnght, and that was because she was in high dependancy, and even then I was on site because I refused to go home!

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