The "To leave London or not?" dilemma? - been through it? how did you solve it?

[notanickname]

So boring for non-(ex)Londoners, but...

-We would like a bigger house (4 beds), bigger garden, more green space.

• bit worried about state secondary schools in area and private not choice/option.
• bit worried about kids having their teenage years in London.

-think it's better to make a move while kids still primary age and younger.

• not sure I see myself being in London forever.

Realistically, we need to be commutable to London which makes "where?" a real issue.

Apologies about this next bit - genuinely don't mean to cause offence: but DH suspects that the commutable areas are very Daily Telegraph/Daily Mail! If you look at the political map of the country, it is a sea of blue surrounding London -apart from Brighton and Oxford! But surely there must be places where you'd have a good smattering of leftie/liberal neighbours!! (Where??) Of course we know it takes all sorts, but would hate to be the "only leftie in the village"!! Anyone else in this boat?

So we're struggling with: how do you decide if it's the right thing to move out of London? Is it better to move to a cheaper (but less nice) area of London to get the bigger house/bigger garden ? (but that means starting again in new area anyway and still worrying about schools/general London lifestyle)?
Where could we move to out of London with budget of £550-600k max (suggestions very gratefully received)? Probably another town/city or large village near big town/city would suit us better than completely rural.

We had thought of Brighton, but now wonder if it's a younger family place that you want to move out of in your 40s (like us)?

I know we'll have to compromise on something! I would love to hear other people's experiences - did you decide to stay - why? Did you leave and regret it - why? Where did you go? Was the move out of London "the best thing you ever did"?

I've got friends who moved to Chesham - on the Metroplitan line, so commutable.

I always thought if we ever left London we'd like Brighton, too.

Where do you live?

We decided against leaving London when our first child was small, but we did move out to the 'burbs - Barnet - and don't regret it at all. Good schools, more for your money house-wise and a nice, community vibe in our area. Not cheap, though. Just cheaper than where we used to live.

p.s. we are a mixed race family, so were also very concerned about the Daily Mail vibe elsewhere

i am in my 40s in Brighton and its great The only place I would move to is London! ds is 14 great school great social life can't fault it for teenagers.Lots to do if you aren't a lazy arse like me.

I don't think this is quite what you're after but anyway...

Me and DH both worked in London for a few years. We were very far from our families and wanted to be closer, we wanted to be able to drive the car down the road without being in massive traffic jams for ages, we wanted a bigger place to live etc etc, I'm sure you know what I mean.

We've moved 150 miles from where we were and yes, it was the best thing we ever did. We got much more space and we are near lots of family. If DH needs to go to London occasionally, it isn't a problem on the train.

This next lot of comments might be out of line, so please ignore if you want to!

So...do you both really have to work in London? Is there no way out for either of your jobs? My DH said for years that he MUST work in London, can't work anywhere else, but after a huge amount of effort etc we did manage to solve this problem (I had to quit my job, but I was on maternity leave anyway so it wasn't such a problem, DH kept his job but relocated). Commuting into London is quite soul destroying (just my personal opinion).

Also, re the private education - is it that you don't want private education? Because I would have thought that with quite a big budget like that for a house, you would be able to afford it if it was necessary. [I will not talk about money anymore ]

Anyway, it was quite an massive task moving everybody and everything like that but I am in absolutely no doubt that it was the right thing to do.

Hi thanks for replies - so quick!!

For now, DH would have to do bit of a career change - not impossible for longer term but not immediately likely.
We wouldn't want to go private and in any case couldn't afford it - (our house budget just reflects equity from 15 years on the property ladder -if we were starting out today we'd have a tiny budget!).
Commuting really doesn't appeal but realising it might be the most likely option.
I suppose the 'burbs is another option...

notanickname - Brighton has the school random lottery system of allocating school places which I believe has caused huge upset in recent years as parents cannot guarantee which school their kids will go to. I think it is just secondary schools that are affected. Buying a nice house in a nice catchment area is no longer an option. The policy may get reversed but noddyholder will know more.

Brighton Lottery

That said, I have friends who sent kids to private school in Brighton - they liked the place a lot but have moved to Bristol because of work.

Brighton has an excellent rail link to London Victoria station.

thanks - the brighton lottery thing does sound a bit weird! Hope it doesn't catch on.
Was thinking there must be some nice villages just outside Brighton?
Anyone have views on Oxford or small towns/big villages near oxford? Does the town feel dominated by the Uni? Schools good?

Need to correct the posts on Brighton there. There is a lottery in Brighton, but in practical terms, it only affects the two good schools there, and crucially, only if there more applicants than places. The council expanded the number of school places in one of the good schools to accommodate this, and so far, there has been little impact. Parents who live in the catchment have got their children into one of the two good schools. It is a misconception that there is a random lottery going on. Instead, there are fixed catchments. House prices in the catchment for the two good schools are still much higher than everywhere else (in terms of the suburbs). You would definitely get a nice place with notanickname's budget though

The press have really not got their heads round the system in Brighton, but the lottery aspect of the allocation system has largely remained an irrelevance so far. The bigger issue is the huge disparity between the good schools and the bad.

are you from london notanickname? are your family here? that is what puts me off leaving, i probably couldn't come back and i grew up here without being too destroyed.

We have friends who have moved out to Orpington, Kent (good schools I believe), another who commutes on the fast train from Rugby (again good schools) and also there are some lovely villages in Bucks which has excellent schools although I'm out of touch with house prices in that area now. Which station would your dh need to come into if he commuted? Or are there other regions entirely your dh could work in?

Oh, that's interesting about the lottery system, doesn't sound so scary put like that. I suppose if you use the word lottery it makes people think random, unfair...

the north/northeast rail stations woudl be better for dh job, but the areas we are more drawn to would be west, or sussex, oxfordshire etc - all wrong!

But we won't have 550-600 if our house price keeps falling!

any other thoughts??

Do you want to drive/park/train/tube every day?
How much is the train/parking cost?
Will you get a seat every morning?

We decided against moving out for now. We looked at some places in Essex but DH didn't like the area and ideally he wants a shorter commute.

We thought about leaving London a few years ago, to return North. (mainly because some very good friends of ours were trying to persuade us!) But we decided not to, mainly because we love where we live, and all the opportunities in London.

The friends who moved took a very long time to settle (in a nice place), and TBH their hearts still belong to London.

Have you got any ideas of what you would want out of the place you might move to, and so why it would be better?

will post experience later when back from collecting ds
just getting into 'threads i'm on'!

How long are you willing to commute for each day? Southampton is 1hr15 from London on the train and definitely not Daily Telegraph/Daily Mail. If you choose to live in an area around the University then it is full of liberal minded people.
Primary schools are great. Secondary schools are mixed, but far better than you would get in London.
My sis made the move there a few years ago and loves it. The quality of life for her family has improved dramatically.

notanickname - I know Oxford very well. It is incredibly expensive. The best part of town is North Oxford and for the sort of house you describe you are looking at £1.5 million asking prices. There are cheaper houses but not as large and not as nice. My view is Oxford is now more expensive than certain parts of London.

Good state (and private schools) in but to get into the state schools you tend to need to do the whole church going thing or buy a hugely expensive house in the catchment area.

University etc is not a problem but it does tend to dominate the place a bit.

You could live in a village nearer Didcot (south of Oxford) which give reasonable access to the railway and slightly cheaper housing but good village schools are still difficult to get into.

Oh, and the sort of house you are describign you could pick up in Southampton for under 400k, even in the best areas. My sis was so surprised at how cheap the housing was. Meant that although she does commute to London she has the option of taking a local job if she wants, as they no longer need the level of income they needed in London.

We left. We're much happier mostly!
Brighton lovely, know it's a bit 'young' but still worth a look.

Daily Mail/Telegraph is not actually that bad. Better than moving to a Sun/Daily Sport area in London....(what am I saying here.. crikey?!)

Off to work. Will post later if I have any brilliant ideas about locations.

How about Winchester/surrounding area? 55mins on the train to Waterloo, lovely countryside, good schools, and Winchester itself is Lib Dem so maybe not too 'blue' for you?

It is expensive but with your budget you could easily find a nice house, I would have thought.

Mind you, I am biased because that's where I grew up

Berkhamsted, St Albans, Tring?

Berkhamsted. It's such a lovely place. 40 mins on train to Euston - very commutable.

What you'd get for your money in terms of houses?

This rather lovely house or This is lovely too

Hi, I'm in Brighton and can highly recommend it - great with small kids and my oldest has just started at secondary. We went through the lottery with that and he got the school we wanted. Those of his friends who didn't have settled well at the other school in catchment and are happy. There are a good selection of Infant and Junior schools.

There is masses to do for the kids and for you - its not all clubbing! There are loads of good restaurants/ bars/ shows/ comedy.

Almost everyone who works at the univerities lives here and most of the students stay on so it is very liberal and cosmopolitan.

We moved out of London nearly 8 years ago now (pre-kids) and I can't believe now that we used to live there! I have never regretted it, except after the theatre when it's 11pm and I know it's going to take me 2 hrs to get home!!!

We're in North Hampshire (near Basingstoke), and while it can be a bit Daily Telegraph, we're certainly not the only woolly-liberals around! You will get more of a range of views in a town rather than a village, and also look at the spread of local councillors, not just the MP. I have become more assertive over the years in talking about my political views (!), and of course there's always Mumsnet!

Cambridge - possibly slightly cheaper than Oxford. Some very good state schools and full of lefties/lentil weavers! Plenty going on and fast train service to Kings X/slower service to Liverpool St.