The "To leave London or not?" dilemma? - been through it? how did you solve it?

[notanickname]

So boring for non-(ex)Londoners, but...

-We would like a bigger house (4 beds), bigger garden, more green space.

• bit worried about state secondary schools in area and private not choice/option.
• bit worried about kids having their teenage years in London.

-think it's better to make a move while kids still primary age and younger.

• not sure I see myself being in London forever.

Realistically, we need to be commutable to London which makes "where?" a real issue.

Apologies about this next bit - genuinely don't mean to cause offence: but DH suspects that the commutable areas are very Daily Telegraph/Daily Mail! If you look at the political map of the country, it is a sea of blue surrounding London -apart from Brighton and Oxford! But surely there must be places where you'd have a good smattering of leftie/liberal neighbours!! (Where??) Of course we know it takes all sorts, but would hate to be the "only leftie in the village"!! Anyone else in this boat?

So we're struggling with: how do you decide if it's the right thing to move out of London? Is it better to move to a cheaper (but less nice) area of London to get the bigger house/bigger garden ? (but that means starting again in new area anyway and still worrying about schools/general London lifestyle)?
Where could we move to out of London with budget of £550-600k max (suggestions very gratefully received)? Probably another town/city or large village near big town/city would suit us better than completely rural.

We had thought of Brighton, but now wonder if it's a younger family place that you want to move out of in your 40s (like us)?

I know we'll have to compromise on something! I would love to hear other people's experiences - did you decide to stay - why? Did you leave and regret it - why? Where did you go? Was the move out of London "the best thing you ever did"?

thanks for all of these great replies - good stuff and food for thought.
I'll be bombarding my other half with: "what about xxx " for days!!
keep it coming!

Just to add my experience into the pot - we moved out of London about 20 months ago, for all the same reasons: space, greenery, schools. We moved to Surrey as there was a very good train link into London and we are close to major roads to get out to see family in other parts of the country. To us it felt like the right compromise at the time. I say compromise because we are not typical Surrey residents and didn't see ourselves living there, but it ticked all the boxes.
BUT we are now moving again as we have really not settled here and realise that the 'fit' with the place we live is more important to us than we anticipated. We are actually moving much much further away to find a town that offers more in the way of community and like minded people as this feels to us important with a young family.
So my advice would be to think very carefully about what your priorities are and don't ignore gut feeling. I don't at all regret leaving London - that was definitely a good thing for us but I do regret compromising on location for the sake of convenience.
Good luck with whatever you decide! And I wouldn't recommend Surrey for liberal neighbours, but then you would probably deduce that for yourself

beanstalk, that is exactly the scenario we are frightened of.
if it's not too nosey which area of surrey are you leaving?
and more importantly - have you figured out what sort of place might be that "better fit"?
If it's much much further are you giving up on the commute to London?

Renting can be a good option when you're getting to know an area (although not so perfect from the school point of view). We used to live in a village which was not that friendly, and where we are now is only 10 miles away but completely different and very welcoming, but there's just no way to check that without living there! Mind you, a look at local websites etc should give you a good sense of what's going on / how many activities there are etc.

notanickname - we're in Weybridge at the moment. Fantastic transport links but not our kind of place long term. I don't think I'm posh enough - that and not married to a footballer!
We haven't finally settled on a location, somewhere in Wiltshire to be closer to friends and family. We are only just putting our house on the market and researching new towns! But I think I want somewhere that is a town, with a centre, activities, a community feel, and a mix of people. Weybridge doesn't have a sense of community at all and seems quite cliquey, all gated properties and private roads.
I am giving up work when DC2 arrives (due October) and DH is going to look for another job long term closer to the new home, but will endure long commutes in the meantime.
Hope that helps!

I can second Winchester (I live about 25 mins away in a nice market town)- or indeed where I live..we moved out of West London almost 4 years ago and have no regrets...excellent schools, easy to get into central London if you need,or to nip back down the M3, is near enough to the coast for days out,and New Forest...friendly and not imo DM/ Telegraphy - lots of nice people like me !

We moved out to the St Albans area - great fast train links (especially if your dh is commuting to North side of London) fab schools and nice environment. Our town is rather Tory but I haven't come across any raving bigots or people ranting about immigrants/benefit scroungers or anything like that (our MP, who was a minister under Thatcher, is actually quite good on helping immigrants who are mistreated by the authorities).

Most people are just, you know, normal escapees from London! Much less diverse here, however and terribly suburban. But I quite like that after London, is so restful.

Oddly, despite the solid Tory majority at each election, the paper that always sells out first at the newsagents is the Guardian. So there must be plenty of lefties here.

I actually agree with beanstalk on the Weybridge thing. I do like living here but there is no sense of community at all. We are looking at moving out of the area too but not until ds1 leaves school, so another 5 years.

There are some places not too far from here that do have community spirit though- Claygate is one, but the house prices are high there too.

If you fancy Brighton but worry that it is too full on then what about Lewes? Brighton is just down the road with easy train/bus access, and Lewes is just crawling with cuddly liberal/lefty/quaker/academic-y types. I think that the 2ndary school is good too, and lots of community spirit. (I don't live there, but M/FiL do, DH grew up there, and we have considered moving back and probably would do if we wanted to move back into town from the countryside)

So I'll cross Weybridge off the list as:

• I'm not posh

-I'm not married to footballer -don't want to live behing a gate! Thanks for sharing!!

Lewes sounds interesting? I'm not sure if I've actually been there - any locals prepared to vouch for Lewes?

I'm thinking mumsnet should compile a big list of favourite places to live for family life! I flicked through a book called "idyllic places to live" but it didn't give any hint at all about what sort of community life each area offers. It's so important!

I have friends in Lewes and they love it

watford

"the only leftie in the village" ?? you're probably the only leftie in the country! labour are not the party they were...so i wouldn't worry...(no one can tell the difference anymore)

Don't have any experience of making such a move, but just wanted to add don't under-estimate the length of commute. One poster mentioned Southampton at one hour 15 mins - that's assuming you live right next to Southampton station and work at Waterloo otherwise you need to add on the time it takes you to get to the station and how long on the tube when you arrive in London. Personally I think that sort of commute makes for a miserable existence - even if it is slightly nicer when you get home.

daftpunk - true!!
But I think you can tell the difference if you're surrounded by generally Tory/conservative views??

I think that's what Beanstalk was also partly saying??

oh yeah..i'm from the brixton area of london...we moved out a few years ago..(surrey)..ouch!..lol

very daily mail territory, but we survive!

Okay so in case it's useful I'll name names too!! We were previously near Haslemere and I found it quite like the description of Weybridge someone posted previously. Now we are near Alton, which although it's only 10 miles away, has SUCH a different feel to it!

We are leaving london in 3 weeks! We are moving into rented (our house purchase fell through . Whilst we are worried that we shouls have held out for more money on our house, at least renting should give us the chance to move back if we hate it.

I'm terrified of leaving London, especially as I will probably have to change career when I end my maternity leave, but I'm glad so many of you don't regret making the move.

What about Reading? It's pretty leftie. Horrendous office blocks in the town centre and pretty bad traffic but everything else here is pretty good- perhaps apart from secondary schools in reading council areas - surrounding wokingham and west berkshire council schools are a lot better I hear. DH commutes to London and it's not bad as long as you work in west london nearish to paddington.

where are you off to fruitstick? my work opportunities are very london based too but I'm open to career change for better quality of life.

we're off to Warwickshire, so could still commute into London at a push but we couldn't both do it.

No idea what I'll do though. but I'll think about it next year!

Bramshott- where are you ? I am in the town which you mentioned

Notanickname, I could have written your first post! have exactly the same dilemma (except I could see myself a Londoner forever - am already planning to move back when the DCs leave home ).

We live very central at the mo', the DCs' state primary school is rated outstanding on every level but the secondary schools are beyond awful and I really worry about them being teenagers in central London. Plus having two boys I really want them to have a big garden and to get loads of opportunities to run about, ride bikes etc and just do what boys do best!

Have you considered Kent borders? Good schools, house prices reasonable compared to London, 30 mins commute to victoria/cannon st. No advice really but I'm watching this hoping it'll be useful for me too!!

My DH always said London proper or completely out of London - which is fine except if in reality your job prospects are 99% in London!! I suppose it's why so many people end up compromising on Kent/surrey/sussex/essex borders!