Anyone else take in foreign language students? How to deal with a lazy one?.......

[DrNortherner]

...or do I just shut up and put up?

She is 21 and from South Korea.

She is lovely, polite and well mannered. But, she can not get her arse out of bed on a morning so it falls to me to shout her 2/3 times to make sure she is awake and not late fro college. I have a dog to walk, a child to get to school and a job to get to so do not want to also be responsible for getting her up.

She has not yet made herself 1 cup of tea/coffee in 4 weeks, yet if I offer to make to happily accepts.

She clears her plates after dinner then leaves the kitchen. Not once has she offerred to help/wash up etc etc.

I know I am her host family, but if my daughter was 21 she would help clear and wash up after dinner and at leats make her own bloody coffee.

Should I leave it or have a discussion with her? She is here for another 5 months btw....

I wouldn't be calling her in the morning - if she's late, she's late.

Would probably sit down with her though and say that you expect her help ie setting the table, possibly cooking, washing up - maybe do a rota? but if it doesn't work I would just do my life around her - and let her make her own meals etc.

Stop doing things for her - if she is late for college, that is her look-out...
but explain everything very clearly - tell her that if she wants tea/coffee, then she has to make it herself (and she should offer to make it for anyone else in the house too!)
Ask her to help with washing up etc.
You are going to have to spell it out, and I am sure she will be fine with that..

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It is hard! All the other students I have had have thrown themselves into helping, got up on a morning, got their own breakfast, made tea/coffee etc etc.

This one comes down late for brekkie(if at all) and sits at the table looking at me, so I find myself saying 'what would you like fro breakfast' then delievring her cereal to her

She is paying me for Dinner, bed and breakfast but it only equates to £16 a night. I am not a hotel!!

She is also using my shower gels, shampoos and conditioners....Grr...

Next breakfast time, say "The cereals are over there, please help yourself to whatever you want."

Put an alarm clock in her room.

Every time you'd like her to do something just ask her - "would you mind helping me do X" and hopefully she'll get the hint.

She might feel that it would be rude to just rake in the cupboards for the coffee. Perhaps you should say to her that she is welcome to help herself, coffee is here, tea there, biscuits in the biccy barrel etc.

I had a conversation about the perfect guest recently and a friend said that she hated it when guests just opened her fridge and helped themselves. I was so amazed because my perfect guest makes their own damned coffee.

Agree with telling her you will shout on her once but no more and if she is late for college, tough.

My mum sometimes took in college until the last lot were so cheeky, they used to take 2 apples, sandwiches and a liter bottle of water with them every day to college.

Hi soupy, she has a bloomin alarm clock. I hear it from downstairs (she is in the converted attic). She sleeps through it or switches it off and goes back to sleep. She emerged at 2.45pm on Sunday asking when lunch would be ready.....

Similarly, point her in the direction of the tea/coffee and make it clear that she's welcome to help herself.

Get one of those alarms where the little helicopter flies off the top of the clock and you can't switch it off til you find the helicopter and put it back on the clock

I've done the 'help yourself to stuff' line on many ocassion with her.

A friend of mine says it sounds like she is from a V wealthy family. She even has her own housekeeper in her student digs back home!

Lol at helicopter alarm - do they actually exist?!

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Of course they exist

She has NO iniative Pruners - you hit the nail on the head. She just kind of loiters around the place. She is very smily and polite but that;s about it really.

She took a whole page of A4 notes when I explained how the wahsing machine worked then it took her 20 minutes before she admitted she could not open the clothes airer I had put in her room....she can't open a bag of crisps, and if she has had a snack in the evening (whilst we are in bed) she leaves her crockery in the sink for me to wash in the morning.....

She is tired all of the time and has had 4 days off sick in 4 weeks (once cause of the snow , then she had a cold, then beacuse she had sore feet due to too much sightseeing...)

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'I had a conversation about the perfect guest recently and a friend said that she hated it when guests just opened her fridge and helped themselves. I was so amazed because my perfect guest makes their own damned coffee. ' ah yes i hatepeople in my cupboards even when birthing ds4 in the living room I had halfan eye on the kitchen in case someone triedit (drinkswereout for jofeb & mw's: am awkward but not mean!)

talk to her, she could well just be confused about your norms,but I reckon you've got a spoiled- by - Mum one there

Could be worse LOL; my friend was allcated a Uni flat with 6 of the type- they left all their washing up for himand became upset when he didnt cook for them. he moved sharpish!

Thanks pruners, I will try discussing those issues and see what happens. Don't think a call to the language academy is required just yet, but will keep that thought up my sleeve....

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I'm with Pruners - I used to be the accommodation officer at an English college and we would have this kind of 'boundaries' conversation all the time. They'll be used to students needing a bit of a talking to.

MIL does this and has found that students from different cultures do/expect different things

Some are very helpful around the house, give her gifts etc and some don't do anything for themselves - one dropped a towel at MIL's feet, looked at her and walked off. He didn't stay for very long

We usually leave a welcome note in the room for students (with a town centre map and bus timetable), as someone said below they will often read English better than they understand it spoken, along the lines of -

"Hello and welcome, our phone nos are XXXXX
Please help yourself to breakfast and lunch, we will have dinner between 6.30-7.00pm each night (please let us know if you will not be back for dinner)
Here are your keys, please look after them and make sure the door is locked when you leave the house....blah blah"

Just a bit of a gentle 'house rules' hint I guess.

We also end up with the odd note around the house, such as "please only flush tissues down the toilet" (after one student blocked it with sanitary towels - bleurgh).

It wouldn't hurt to have a chat with her in a 'now-that-you've-settled-in" kind of way, and reiterate with a little note, just pointing out what you will and won't do for her. Personally I'm happy to cook dinner and clean up as I think that's what they're paying for, but I wouldn't be waking them up and serving them breakfast/lunch.

Don't make a rod for your own back, 6 months is a loooooooong time to be annoyed......

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