I am about to do something rather nasty

[tigermoth]

I will not be inviting one of my son's classmates to ds's 11th birthday party.

Reasons why:
He has been badly behaved at another party - shook up cans of fizzy drink and sprayed all the children and didn't stop when told off.

He can be physically pretty spiteful - dh saw him dragging a child across the playground by their hair.

ds and dh say they are 70% he stole a valuable toy when he last came round here (about a year ago). The party is going to be held in our home, we can't clear the room of all our stuff, so we need to trust the children who come round.

He is very defiant at school (I have talked about this on other threads)and dh and I find it diffucult to control him. Ds1 is afraid to be alone with him as he can be very naughty and ds finds it difficult to distance himself from trouble.

Also, he is not the only child who will not get a party invite, so he won't feel singled out exactly.

Why are we are holding a party at home?

It is ds's last year at the school and he wants to do this for his friends. Hiring a hall and disco and inviting all the class is inconvenient datewise and not good value for money. We have enough party space for about fifteen 11 year olds, so can easily cater for ds's friends.

However, and this is the point I go Ahhhh... the boy's mother does the school pick up for ds1 and 2. No one else offered to do it and if she feels snubbed, gets cross with me and stops the pick up I don't know what I will do.

Also, in the past (ie a year ago) ds and her son used to have the odd playdate, and we have invited him to previous parties ds has had.They boys were sort of friends, and I think the boy's mother still thinks they are. I expect she will be annoyed and hurt to find out that our ds is not inviting her ds to his party.

So should I say anything to the mother about the lack of a party invite? say nothing and cross my fingers? help, this is urgent as I need to get the invites out this week!

I haven't much computer time in the next day or so, so if I don't reply immediately, please bear with me.

Message withdrawn

hi, just an update.

The party went well. A breakaway group, led by ds2, tried to set up camp in the wood at the back of our garden, all the healthy food was uneaten, and the fizzy drinks flowed all afternoon.. but on the whole the children were lovely. The 4 inch graze around my ds1's eye was hardly noticeable.

Last monday, ds1's face collided with the boy's boot in football practice. The teacher said it was an accident. Fair enough, these things happen. But the next day, the boy intentionally punched ds1 on his bad eye, while his mother was watching. According to ds1 she did not say a thing. They were all getting into the car to go home, so she wasn't driving at the time and saw it happen and did nothing!!

That decided me, I'm afraid. No chats with her to smooth oil on troubled water, much as I'd consider this in normal circumstances.

Oh no! I'm glad the party went well though.

So, is thug's ma about to be fired from taxi service ?

How dreadful that this mother did nothing. How does that make you feel about her ability to look after ds when travelling to and from school? She clearly doesn't think her son hitting someone in the face is a problem, so what would she do if her son attacked ds in her car?

Glad the party went OK. At least you had plenty of healthy food for the rest of the week .

TM I am delighted to hear the party went well

roisin, so was I - extremely relieved. It is years since we have held an 'at home' party like this.

As for the ending of the taxi service, we are caught between a rock and a hard place. There are no other parents who would do the pick up. I need someone to pick up ds2 and take him to playclub, so can't end this arrangement easily. If ds1 starts walking home from school the other boy is bound to start walking with him. He's told ds1 thie is what he will do. He lives in the same direction(I've gone into this on another thread) and for the last 10 minutes of the journey, ds1 would have to walk alone with the boy. Ds1 doesn't want to do this (can understand why!).

I am going to have a word with the teacher this week to see if she can suggest anything, as the walking home arrangement came under scrutiny at school, and I did agree with the teacher that ds1 would start walking home from school this term. Recent events make me think not!

Could it be worth advertising the lifts required in a school newsletter or something to spread your requirements to a wider audience base ? Do you have any friends / friends of friends working as taxt / minicab drivers for reuptable companies ?

Tricky one...

hubtodee, thanks for taking an interest in this little predicament I don't mind advertising for a school pick up again, but only if I tell the mother first ( and that means a confrontation about her son really). She will easily find out it's me as the school is small.

As for the taxi service, funny you should suggest that as I have always thought there is a real gap in the market for a throughly police-checked child taxi service.

There are times when my two sons need to get taken to places, and are old enough to behave in a taxi without me being there, but I would never trust the drivers of a normal taxi service - it is a risk. However, if the drivers were also police checked childminder type people, it would be a very useful option. I would happily pay more for a service like this, but to my knowledge, this type of service doesn't exist.

Oh 'Moth, what a rollercoaster1 v pleased the party went well - sounds great fun. I love your 'dry' descriptions.

Think thug and mum ploughed thier own furrow, there, didn't they?

Hi tigermoth, it's the small things like this that irritate in life...

I think your idea for police-vetted drivers is absolutely fantastic. It might be uneconomic to do it in anything but the largest towns as a dedicated USP for a given business, but I could see a scheme where drivers could 'opt in' for additional accreditation... a 1/2 day first aid for children course, a 1/2 day behaviour management / setting boundaries type thing and a police check would make them more 'sellable' as a driver.

There are some women-only cab companies around (not many) but possibly you have one close by.

Hmmm...

You could tell the mum you're going to need more driving services (more clubs / weekends / whatever) and so you need to advertise... I'd even suggest going beyond the school... there must be some grandparents around who wouldn't normally consider a cabbing job but may like to help out in this way...

Don't worry, I'm going to keep looking for that elusive new driver, especially as the present set up will end after this term, as the other boy will be leaving the school.

Hub2dee - I see I've sold you on my idea I've always wonderered why there aren't taxi services like this, It would be so convenient, especailly for one-off coverage if a regular pick up arrangement broke down.

Hope you find your solution or your solution finds you !

One of the issues with the child-friendly taxi service is that it would only take one bad incident (a driver who lends a pass to a mate, or someone decides to take advantage / act inappropriatley with their passengers) for the whole company / concept to come under immense criticism and quite possibly lose large groups of customers...

Hmm.