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Original poster

How many times have life-disturbingly bad things happened to you in the last couple of years?

38 replies

Nighbynight · 08/02/2009 08:20

I mean things like being burgled, being in a car accident, child in hospital, someone close to you dying, being mugged etc.

Because they seem to be happening to us on average every 2 months (7 in the last 14 months), and I am curious to know if it's the same for others, or if we are doing something wrong.

Most of ours do seem to fall into 2 categories: trouble from ex h, and problems arising from living abroad. But do other people have long quiet periods where nothing bad happens, or is our experience typical?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nighbynight · 08/02/2009 08:22

hmm, just read my previous post. I dont mean to suggest that a spouse or child dying is on a par with being mugged, obviously it's far worse in most cases.
Am just pondering on misfortune generally, whether any of it is preventable.

OP posts:
choosyfloosy · 08/02/2009 08:26

nighbynight that sounds awful.

nothing THAT bad has happened in last two years, though something very difficult just over two years ago. i hope you have a quiet time for the next two years

alicecrail · 08/02/2009 08:29

My dh has had 4 people in his family die in 18months (mother, grandmother,grandfather and aunt). While i was pregnant (and dh mother in hospital) i got trampled by someone's loose horse and broke my leg in 4 places, had to have on op, lost a lot of blood and have been struggling with anemia ever since. I think my dh has coped amazingly, but i think things do tend to come at once and you cope because you have to. I am conviced that people have runs of good luck as well, so hopefully it will be your turn soon

Wallace · 08/02/2009 08:44

None at all. Sorry to hear about your runs of bad luck.

HeadFairy · 08/02/2009 08:47

Gosh, poor things. Alice I hope you're recovering well, what a terrible thing to happen. I'm very lucky, nothing terrible has ever happened to me directly. We've lost family members but all were old so while sad it's not unexpected. I do count my blessings every day.

compo · 08/02/2009 08:49

some famiies do seem to have a constant run of bad luck which makes me count my blessings, but you never know what's round the corner so hopefully your bad luck is about to finish

Original poster
Nighbynight · 08/02/2009 10:40

thank you for your replies. Sorry about your luck, alice - hope this year will be better for you.

Our run has gone on for 3 years now, and I think a lot of it can be put down to emigrating to another country. Eg, I drove for 20 years without an accident in teh UK, and have now had 2 in 1 year in germany, both due to rules and weather conditions that Im not used to.
Am trying to put our life on a more positive track.

OP posts:
LaTrucha · 08/02/2009 10:59

DH and I have had a mad two years, for both good and bad. There seems to be very little in between.

For example, within on two-week period my grandmother and my cousin died, and we got married and I got pregnant.

In the last three months, my mother died, my brother has been in intensive care for three weeks after a mental and pysical breakdown. SO I am hoping for a quiet spell. However, we are also trying for another baby, so maybe we'll have the same kind of good luck too.

It just has not stopped.

I'm just trying to roll with it, good and bad, really.

alicecrail · 08/02/2009 11:37

Thanks all. What i was meaning nbn was that while somethings that are really bad happen and can seem like someone is out to get you, good things do nearly always balance that out. We have an amazing dd who we have been very fortunate with. She has always been a good sleeper, eats well and is such a cheery little thing. My biggest worry is that it will all balance out and she will be a nightmare teenager!! But i would say that its probably about time for your run of good luck

cocolepew · 08/02/2009 11:39

The last few years have been ok, but about 5 years ago we had a really bad spell. that lasted about 2 years.

MaplePecanPlait · 08/02/2009 11:48

We are going through a rubbish 2 year spell.

Mostly financial though, so not so terrible as health problems, just a PITA type of problems.

I think alot of people are in the same boat as us though.....

I do wonder if bad luck does happen to certain people though. You know the ones who always break legs and have other awful accidents and mishaps but seem to cope with all that is thrown at them.Character building?? I generally feel fairly 'lucky' on that front I suppose.

PlumBumMum · 08/02/2009 12:00

We're hoping 2009 is going to be a good year for us

Original poster
Nighbynight · 08/02/2009 12:16

yes, lets hope better luck in 2009.

maple, thats what I was sort of thinking, that we are becoming one of "those" families - not all that's happened to us is chance, some of it is, and some is just stuff that's beyond my ability to do anything about (eg ex h's behaviour). I'm just wondering if I should change some strategies to try and avoid bad things happening. I am going to reduce the ridiculous number of hours I spend on the motorway, by taking the train more, for one thing.

OP posts:
MaplePecanPlait · 08/02/2009 16:41

I do think that things are sent to try us. Perhaps that is what you are up against, however I don't want to be one of those people with a bit of a chip on my shoulder.

As I say I do feel generally lucky but stuff does happen and I think you are stronger for it. You have to be or else you would climb into a hole and never appear again.

If I were you I would try not to put any meaning to any of it. Be a little more optomisitic and fight your way out of stuff like ex husbands rubbish! Easier said than done I know

NAB09 · 08/02/2009 16:44

Dh and I are always wondering when are going to get a break. Recently we have had

2 miscarriages
5 deaths
medical worries with the children
several appliances going wrong
illness - me
illness - cat
friend had an op and it was a very worrying time
3 friends have got divorced
loss of 3 pets
car problems

Original poster
Nighbynight · 08/02/2009 17:28

NAB, thats awful. I do hope you get some peace soon.

I have just had a conversation on this subject with someone else, and she focuses strongly on getting over bad things, accepting that they will happen, and not letting them influence future decisions. that's my problem maple - I feel that Ive made some bad decisions under pressure, that then resulted in more misfortune.

New resolution: try to clear mind of worries about things that have already happened.

OP posts:
dizzyTHETARTANARMYdixies · 08/02/2009 17:30

thank god its not just me, was beginning to think I'd been a right shite in a previous life

too many to start counting as I don't want to go over it all in my head again

nannyL · 08/02/2009 20:11

i had loads of major disasters in the space of a month (May) last year... the whole year was pretty rubbish

within a month

my dad had a stroke
days later my bosses father died (and being their nanny i would do everything to help my nanny family at this time)
BUT then i was also in a pretty major car crash too and my 1st day back at work i only went in as it was the funeral and there was no one else to look after them (rest of family AT funeral too)

alsoin May; my pet died
another family member died
another family member became seriously ill

AND at work, something went and water poured through the ceiling of the brand new kitchen (so new we hadnt even used it yet)... and the toilet broke

a few weeks later my step dad violently attacked me and i had to go to the police etc

2008 was pretty crap really

curlygal · 08/02/2009 20:22

sorry to hear that so many other mumsnetters have been having a share of the bad luck, when lots of crap happens to you it's difficult to put it into perspective - some people just seem to glide throught life with no problems, I;ve had a pretty shitty 2007 and 2008 and I too am hoping that 2009 will bring better luck!

Split up with Ex due to his unreasonable behviour

Had handbag stolen containing the money I had just got for selling a pram (£170) plus phone photos etc

Started what I thought was a great new job and ended up being living hell trying to line manage someone who made my life a misery

Made the decison to cut my mother out of my life after years of manipulative and destructive behaviour

not to mention on going battles with ex over his constant uselessness, and general family crap!

ProfYaffle · 08/02/2009 20:29

Hmmm, a lot of it is down to attitude I think.

dh was diagnosed with a brain tumour 5 years ago and had surgery to remove it when dd1 was 6 weeks old (and exclusively bf so I couldn't leave her with anyone). A year ago we found out it had re-grown, loads of messing about and fuck ups from the hospital followed by another brain op in summer this year.

We're still waiting to find out if he needs radiotherapy. If he does that's 6 weeks treatment at a hospital away from home, staying in a hostel on his own and coming home just at weekends.

He doesn't get sick pay from work and each op/recovery period has meant 2 months off work. We've been unable to afford or plan for a holiday either last year or this year.

But!

We consider ourselves incredibly lucky. His tumour's benign, it's in an easily accessible place, he's had no side effects from the op. Critical illness insurance paid out and paid off our mortgage, which means subsequent periods off work haven't been disasterous financially.

The consequences could be a whole lot worse.

trixymalixy · 10/02/2009 13:18

Since Ds was born 2 years ago we seem to have had a run of bad luck.

5 deaths (4 grandparents, one a 16 month old baby)
1 burglary
Car broken into
DS turned out to have severe allergies
DH may have liver problems, being tested at the moment
I have been made redundant
DH is also likely to be made redundant

I hope things turn around soon

trixymalixy · 10/02/2009 13:21

On the other hand, I am incredibly lucky to be pregnant again .

trixymalixy · 10/02/2009 13:22

Also

cat got attacked and required her tail to be amputated
DS is allergic to the cats and we had to find a new home for them

GentleOtter · 10/02/2009 13:24

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles, nightbynight and truly hope that your luck and the luck of the others turns for the better.
We too have been hit by a barrage of awful things from bereavement through the gamut to our crop failing, major legal battles (three separate ones), etc and I have been praying for a change in fortune as it can wear you down.

MrsMattie · 10/02/2009 13:27

Wow. A lot of unhappiness here . We have been really lucky recent;y. The only terrible thing to happen to us has been my miscarriage in late 2007, and being very poorly throughout my last pregnancy (although it wasn't life threatening, so wasn't the end of the world).

I found out recently that a friend's 11 yr old daughter, who had cancer that was in remission, is going to die - probably within weeks - after the cancer returned and spread rapidily. I cry my eyes out just thinking about the utter grimness of this situation. It is hard to comprehend just how harsh life can be sometimes .

I wish lots of positive energy and good luck to you all.

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