i'm so daft

[misdee]

i decided to look up the stages of heart failure, and have found out what stage peter is in.

misdee

(((misdee)))

i am hoping that another herat comes up, but feel so guilty as i know someone has to die to give him a chance.

why cant life be easy?

Oh Misdee

i can ask, and nowi think i need it. but its finding time atm.

I went to see him yesterday, he is so skinny, its unbearable. he is just wasting away.

a fair bit, but sometimes dont want to depress them. their lives could be like this at some point and its scary as hell.

thanks.

do u ever worry about the future sally?

Glad its not just me then.

i had to go to dd3 hearing check alone whereas usually dh comes with me to appointments for the kids. Was being daft and wondering if every appointment in the future i'll be doing them alone.

yes, was making a cuppa.

some days ifeel a icant carryon with this, and just dh was better or even worse, gone, as i know he is suffering a lot atm. he is getting increasingly frustrated and depressed. It has really hit me this week how ill he has gotton (sounds silly i've known he has been ill for 3years). when that call came sunday evening, i honestly thought all of this would be over, he'd either survive and be extremely well and able to come home with minimumal hospital visits after recovery period, or we'd lose him sometime sundaynight/monday morning.
And now its friday and we are still no closer to knowing anything. we are still playing the waiting game, and it could carry on for months, if he can hold on that long.

i really hope in the future there is more than they can do for DCM patients. transplant is all they can do at this stage, and its scary. do it and he may die, dont do it and he will die.

he was stable after initial diagnosis (april 02) till oct 04. he had a few bouts of illness and weakness early in 2004, but generally seemed very well. Before he was hospitalised in dec with suspected pneumonia (which his cardio states she doesnt feel he had) he had a check up with cardio and raise that he wasnt as well as he had been and they said he was detoriating and referred him to harefield. but he was in hospital when that appointment was meant to be, so he was seen as an in patient in feb at harefield.

Shit Misdee, properly fighting through tears to post here and don't know what I'm going to say.......... I'm just so sorry and will pray for Peter tonight. Lots of love, TC x

we were hoping for another 5-10years of plodding along before this stage would happen.