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Original poster

hatwoman is moving - any tips for settling into a new village and new school?

78 replies

hatwoman · 03/01/2009 16:18

I can't quite believe it's happening...on Monday we are moving from SW London to a small village in the north of England. I grew up in the area and my family is still there but I don;t know anyone in the actual village. The school is tiny - less than 60 kids. I'm feeling quite nervous - I'd really like to make some friends but I'm conscious that it's a difficult to navigate the complexities of being sociable but not over-bearing, of being open and hospitable but not flashy or ott or coming across as ingratiating or needy etc etc. I work from home and sometimes in London - dh does the same. any tips on how to get off to a good start with neighbours and with parents at the school?

OP posts:
BBBee · 03/01/2009 16:21

wife in the north is quite brilliant if you haven't read it already.

Join school / preschool commitees and be prepared to do lots of small talk with lots of people you won;t have much in common until you find your soul mates.

TWINSETinapeartree · 03/01/2009 16:27

We have just moved from a Lancashire suburb to a market down in Dorset, the change in culture has been huge but I think we have settled well.

i did the following:

  1. baked a little hello basket to give to my neighbours
  2. Dp had a week off to cover dd first week at school
  3. We threw a kids party to help dd settle
  4. We have joined clubs/ groups 5)Made a point of smiling saying hello
  5. Used mumsnet to make new freinds
Original poster
hatwoman · 03/01/2009 16:32

I remember seeing your thread twinset about the invite to tea from the neighbours.

when you say you;ve joined clubs/groups - what have you joined? (if you don;t mind me asking) and have you joined as a couple, a family, or individually? and have you just turned up without knowing anyone?

OP posts:
skidaddle · 03/01/2009 16:36

huge sweeping generalisation but IME people oop north are so friendly it is almost impossible not to make friends. Everywhere I go someone starts chatting to me, especially with DC in tow.

We are moving next week from the north down south - now that is scary!

Scootergrrrl · 03/01/2009 16:40

We move every couple of years - that's the Army for you! - and the best advice is to just be brave and go to everything you can for the first few weeks - toddler groups, if applicable, coffee mornings, PTA meetings, the park, ANYTHING that's going and don't be afraid to buttonhole people if they look friendly. Ask advice about the area, especially if they've lived there a while, as most people like to show their town off if they can. How far north are you going? Are there any MNers up there?

TWINSETinapeartree · 03/01/2009 16:55

I always thoought that skidaddle but we have found people here in Dorset to be much friendlier.

TWINSETinapeartree · 03/01/2009 17:02

But maybe I am happier here so make friends easier

CatMandu · 03/01/2009 17:04

When I was in this position I got involved with some of the village committees - trust me they will have them and they will want you. I now know a lot of people and dc's are very settled.

ChasingSquirrels · 03/01/2009 17:05

no idea - but good luck with the move, hope everything goes well for you all.

Grammaticus · 03/01/2009 17:09

I think you stick to the simple things - smile and say hello to everyone you meet, invite a friend from school round for each DC in the second week and take it from there.

Don't worry, it's not rocket science, you'll be absolutely fine

ahundredtimes · 03/01/2009 17:12

I am nervous for you too. Really nervous.

But you've got a dog! You can walk your dog and chat to people. And you'd better join things I think. Am sure you will make friends through your dc's at school, and erm, it'll be great.

Also maybe think about the nearest big town, and join things there too. There will be more choice of people.

[ex village dweller emoticon]

TWINSETinapeartree · 03/01/2009 17:13

Yes a dog helps we have found that.

ahundredtimes · 03/01/2009 17:14

Yes, except she didn't get a cocker spaniel. Now if she'd got a cocker spaniel she'd have made LOADS of friends, but the Lab will provide one or two I expect.

ahundredtimes · 03/01/2009 17:18

You need to smile a lot too. I think smiling is under-estimated. Smile at the school gates, smile walking down the lane.

I think people in villages can be a bit suspicious, because if they jump in too quick, what if it's a mistake? So persist, because they WANT new blood in truth.

It'll be fine.

Not nervous at all now. No.

ahundredtimes · 03/01/2009 17:18

under-rated, but you might under estimate how under-rated it is.

ahundredtimes · 03/01/2009 17:19

Are you excited? Do you like the house?

I'm OBSESSED by your house move.

Grammaticus · 03/01/2009 17:22

I think the lab will make people see her as sensible and dependable. Now a cocker spaniel on the other hand, they are dizzy dogs. Cute, but dizzy

ahundredtimes · 03/01/2009 17:23

She could be dizzy, cute AND dependable? [hopeful]

Yes, Lab probably safest bet until she's well established in village life. Then she can break out.

foxinsocks · 03/01/2009 17:23

Bushy Park will mourn your loss hat!

Good luck for the move

ahundredtimes · 03/01/2009 17:24

[excited!]

What do you think to this move then Foxy?

ahundredtimes · 03/01/2009 17:26

I have to go to the cinema with dcs. We are going to walk there Hat.

When I come back, I want the full run down. I am going to expect updates and everything.

foxinsocks · 03/01/2009 17:28

I had a very confusing 5 minutes trying to figure out where she had said she had a Lab and then realised you had inside info

I am excited about this move. I know very little about The North but I do know you get very good chip butties and that is reason enough to move I think.

I also reckon this dog thing is a good point. You have an immediate focus for conversation.

Original poster
hatwoman · 03/01/2009 18:29

oh pmsl. and delighted to have two mners bringing up previous on me (dog and bushy park). It's almost as if I've arrived.

back to rl...

house is gorgeous (we haven't bought it...we're renting...will see how things go). it's old. has stone floors and quirks (eg internal windows and an old oven door...it used to be a bakery)

we won't be able to walk to the cinema any more. nor to a choice of semi-decent family friendly restaurants. nor to a really good grown up restaurant. but, as has been my mantra of the last few weeks, we're not exactly moving to Shetland. cinema is 25 mins in car. village pub is fab. next village has a restaurant with a michellin star. nearest nice town (8 mins drive - timed it last time we were there) is v. pretty and full of poncey delis and cake shops, as well as having some useful things like a library and a swimming pool. nearest city is, well, a city, with everything you could wish for. 25 mins drive to John Lewis. (currently it's a 15m walk). so all in all I'm not convinced our lifetsyle is going to change that much. biggest difference is I'll open my door to this and, on days I walk up there I'll see this and this. natch.

OP posts:
Original poster
hatwoman · 03/01/2009 18:32

and this is the corner shop. (well, not really, but near enough)

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 03/01/2009 18:36

oh hat how beautiful

and you're moving at just the right time because only a few months to go (optimistic) and it'll be all Spring like and fabulous

at farm shops

do the children start new school on Monday?