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Original poster

hatwoman is moving - any tips for settling into a new village and new school?

78 replies

hatwoman · 03/01/2009 16:18

I can't quite believe it's happening...on Monday we are moving from SW London to a small village in the north of England. I grew up in the area and my family is still there but I don;t know anyone in the actual village. The school is tiny - less than 60 kids. I'm feeling quite nervous - I'd really like to make some friends but I'm conscious that it's a difficult to navigate the complexities of being sociable but not over-bearing, of being open and hospitable but not flashy or ott or coming across as ingratiating or needy etc etc. I work from home and sometimes in London - dh does the same. any tips on how to get off to a good start with neighbours and with parents at the school?

OP posts:
Heifer · 03/01/2009 21:11

I moved up Norf from Wiltshire to the Wirral (on ON the Wirral as they seem to say here).

I had lived in Wilts my whole life so was very apprehensive re moving.

But have to say, I love it up here. Have made quite a few friends since being up here, mostly through school and then friends of new friends.

We joined the local sports club (DH plays hockey) and it is somewhere where the 3 of us can go together and chat to folk..

I would agree with others, smile a lot (without looking insane though).

How old are you children (sorry can't remember), do any of them have a birthday coming up? At DDs school they invite the whole class (16) so it was a really nice way to get to meet the mums (or dads), also I made sure I stayed after school and let DD play in the playground with the other stray children, again a good way of meeting new mums (whilst we stood around watching our DDs play).

Our local shops were very friendly, I made a point of buying our meat and veg in the village.

Do you go to church? another good way in a small village.

Any local groups?

Good luck with your move, and I am sure it will all work out in time, you seem nice enough on here so should have no problem making new friends..

Dottoressa · 03/01/2009 21:12

Ah! I do have a tip. Look in the Peak Advertiser for all kinds of activities you could get involved in (they often need judges for allotment shows. My mum was given a jar of marmalade as payment for performing such duties). I believe they even show films in one of the village halls. Who needs a multiplex?

The main thing is that John Lewis is still reasonably accessible. It isn't where we live. Grr.

TWINSETinapeartree · 03/01/2009 21:12

should work now, off to have a nosy at hatwomans

Ingles2 · 03/01/2009 21:13

and wellies hatwoman
and if anyone offers you a brace of pheasants accept graciously even if they are dripping blood.

Ingles2 · 03/01/2009 21:13

still not there twinset... have you set it to public?

ahundredtimes · 03/01/2009 21:14

Dottoressa's positive spin is making me even more nervous now.

That was a JOKE.

Sort of.

Come back hatwoman. There is much to discuss.

ahundredtimes · 03/01/2009 21:16

I am going to round my children up the stairs to bed - but my last thought on this is you know when you said you thought your lifestyle wouldn't be that different? It will be. Accept this - it will be better in lots and lots of ways, and worse in a few. A very few, of course, very few. But if you accept this at the start, then it'll be easier.

NotanOtter · 03/01/2009 21:18

hatwoman wow how exciting

Heifer has good advice i too was wondering how old your children are as this could influence things a lot

was oddly discussing this exact thing with friends on new years day...My friends were saying it was easy for me to make new friends all the time as i not only still had primary aged children - you do a lot of talking in the playground but BOY it can take time - but also babies

I think the playground thing is true and as your school is so tiny it may well be your best starting point.

The dog will help though. my friends whose children are secondary school age - said they had met a few really good friends though their dogs - just o the moor - every day at the same time sort of thing soon leads to more than just a casual acknowledgment

am desperate to know where you are going - what fun!

TWINSETinapeartree · 03/01/2009 21:19

should work now

Original poster
hatwoman · 03/01/2009 21:23

will be back after dinner. but totally agree re the "north" thing. I hesitated but put it anyway.

OP posts:
NotanOtter · 03/01/2009 21:23

just seen your picture hatwoman

BEAUTIFUL

NotanOtter · 03/01/2009 21:26

Quattrocento I am loving the delightful description of your sil winning people over with her cupcakes!

TWINSETinapeartree · 03/01/2009 21:29

wow hatwoman

smugmumofboys · 03/01/2009 21:34

Am so jealous Hatwoman. My aunty is in Monyash so Chatsworth is her local corner shop too. It's soooo beautiful over there. Thw WI is quite active in her area. I don't know how wrinkly/frumpy it is but as a farmer's wife, she's found it a great way to meet up with other women. Good luck with the move.

Ingles2 · 03/01/2009 21:34

well he is gorgeous Twinset... but not as gorgeous as Pippa
(according to DS1 and he's not even slightly biased.. )
anyway never mind the dogs,...did you make that cake????? cos it's fantastic!!!

sorry for the hijack Hatwoman but I wouldn't worry about the north aspect. I'm a northerner, down south and it's never been a problem.

TWINSETinapeartree · 03/01/2009 21:52

My mum made it, I am sorry I have never met a dog as cute as mine.

Ingles2 · 03/01/2009 21:59

your mum is a very clever, talented lady... am extremely jealous.
as for the dogs...we could put it to a mumsnet vote!!!????

TWINSETinapeartree · 03/01/2009 22:01

would one of us end up a hun and the other royalty

Original poster
hatwoman · 03/01/2009 22:01

oh ladies you have made me smile. thank the lord I'll be taking mn with me.

one thing that I think will be good is that dd2 (in infants) finishes school 20 minutes before dd1. and parents are welcome to wait in school. so I have a 20 minute chat window built in to the day. and it's not like my current school where you could lurk unseen and un-noticed in a corner of the playground.

although I've not lived there for nigh on 20 years I grew up in the area and my mum, db and sil live in the next village in one direction, my uncle lives in the next village in another direction and I have a second cousin in the next village in a third direction. and family^ connections count at least double . I also have a distinctive surname that people will recognise (but which may cause people to speculate that I am - gasp - unmarried. which I'm not. might have to dig my wedding ring out).

ingles - you're so right about the speculation. when my newly single mum moved to teh area she sat back and let them say what they wanted. I always thought that might not have been the best. her argument was that if she declared herself newly single people might think - shock - she was looking for a man...

100x - will you stop trying to freak me out with stories of babies and crypts and giving them to Jesus.

dotty - did you grow up there too? if so we could concievably know each other. I have a friend whose kids are at the B school. she has a rocking social life. I fear we are too staid for it.

OP posts:
CALItwoFRAUsandAndNine · 03/01/2009 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ingles2 · 03/01/2009 22:14

a recognisable village surname is good Hatwoman.. but even more reason to tell them everything from the off... village life positively thrives on gossip. you should see the old biddies at the P.O and if they can't find out an interesting nugget, they'll make one up
our v.hall has some quite good stuff, yoga, tumbletots, badminton, WI, watercolour painting, karate so I'm sure you'll find something to interest you. I do gardening and it's always been good to swap plants etc,..no one under the age of 80 though

< can I be the hun twinset...please...????... always thought I was deep down >

Dottoressa · 03/01/2009 22:29

Hat - no, but my parents defected there after we'd left school (you and I have bumped into one another on MN before, I seem to recall, and shared fond memories of hairy-legged headmistresses). They live a few houses down the road from another old schoolmate of ours, whose family own some particularly nice pigs.

We did sort of try to move to the B village ourselves, but were a bit put off by the house prices and by the very long waiting list for the school. The school in my parents' neighbouring village is also supposed to be very good, though. It is twinned with a school in Bethnal Green, which is an interesting idea.

I think - and hope - you will all have a marvellous time!

(PS: put me out of my misery, and give me the first letter of your village's name!!)

ahundredtimes · 03/01/2009 22:36

Oh sorry, I'm not trying to freak you out. Honest. I just had a challenging time there, and I probably had a very, very bad attitude and let everyone down and was possibly a bit difficult and didn't like to wear fleece.

My feeling is that some people reading 'join the WI, nice people to meet in the pub, do lots of groups and societies, chat at the gates, enter the local farming competition and the pub quiz'

and think - Oh that'll be marvellous.

And other people read that and think dark, shuddery unhelpful thoughts. I am the latter, you, I am confident, are the former.

Also you have family there! You are well away. family and a lab. You MUST tell us what it's like. I'm excited for you actually, I like adventures.

Original poster
hatwoman · 03/01/2009 22:53

sorry dot - I hadn;t registered it was you. I have no idea who these pig owning people are though. although I have a vague idea that it was a childhood ambition of a school friend of ours to own one...and I know she went to agricultural college.

hundred - I was pulling your leg! fwiw WI and to an extent committees make me shudder too. hence keeping my London links through work. trying to have my cake and eat it

OP posts:
BBBee · 03/01/2009 22:57

yes, the family is the trump card isn't it - someone to pop in for a cup of tea and not have to do pretend smiling. That will good.

If you grew up there is there any chance you will bump into any old friends with children? That is what you need.

The playground thing sounds really good too - and you have to be yourself.

Oh and the views - when you get low go and look at those views and then picture the tube in rush hour.

The views are lovely adn your dog will love it.