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Original poster

Rude comments on child physical appearance

63 replies

tiffah · 16/03/2005 02:05

hello there,

does anyone out there have this problem where people questions whether your child is a girl or a boy? My 32-month- old looked exactly like her daddy and has really curly hair..as the result her hair does not get long. People question me all the time whether she is a boy or a girl. When I told them that she is a girl, they will have this puzzled look like they don`t believe me or something. And many times they would say..Oh, she look like a boy. Even when she is wearing girlie cloths people would still ask me this stupid question . Quite frankly I am tired of this. I feel like I have to prove that she is indeed a girl to people.How do you respond to this rude uninvited comments.

Umi

OP posts:
Blackduck · 16/03/2005 10:03

ds is frequently mistaken for a girl (can't see it myself - think he is obviously a boy - but I would, wouldn't I....) Doesn't overly bother me, I just point out he is a he and not a she....think it's more of an issue as you get older....I was frequently mistaken for a boy as a child (short hair....) and it used to upset me no end...

paolosgirl · 16/03/2005 10:04

I was in the bank yesterday, and there was a child further up the queue dressed head to toe in boys clothes - navy boots, grey trousers, navy jacket, very short blond curly hair, but big hoop earrings in each ear (the gypsy kind, probably a name for them). The child must have been about 2. A girl, judging by the earrings? A boy, judging by the clothes and shoes?

lockets · 16/03/2005 10:05

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aloha · 16/03/2005 10:16

But girl and boy babies DO look the same! I really cannot see this as an insult at all. And they certainly don't care. Of course it depends how they respond to your comment of 'actually s/he's a girl/boy' as to how polite they are but I don't see a mistake over gender as an insult. My ds, 3, constantly mistakes girls for boys and vice versa, depending in whether they are wearing trousers or have long hair. I honestly don't think he's trying to be rude!

RnB · 16/03/2005 10:25

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HappyDaddy · 16/03/2005 10:28

Lockets my comment was in reply to the "isn't she a porker" comment made about the original posters dd.

lockets · 16/03/2005 10:31

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handlemecarefully · 16/03/2005 10:36

Poor old happydaddy - you've got your threads mixed up. That explains it

Have a lie down love

HappyDaddy · 16/03/2005 10:36

My mistake. My comment was therefore in response to the boy/girl confusion being rude. If someone is rude about my child, RUDE not genuinely mistaken and in good cheer, then they get short shrift. I won't apologise for that.

Cod · 16/03/2005 10:37

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lockets · 16/03/2005 10:39

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marialuisa · 16/03/2005 10:49

This thread has reminded me of an incident we had with DD at the hospital last week. DD playing happily with toys when a younger child toddles up. Child has shoulder length hair (no obvious "style", just left to grow IYKWIM), navy boots and cargo trousers, faded t-shirt that has some pink on it, red and navy anorak. DD asks "what's your name?" child replies "Bailey". DD looks hard at the child and asks "are you a boy or a girl? You've got girls' hair and a girls' top but Bailey's a boy's name and the rest of your clothes are for boys".

I was so relieved DD had asked as I genuinely couldn't tell and was dreading DD asking me!

HappyDaddy · 16/03/2005 10:52

No cod, im not joking. If you read my recent post, you'll see that's in response to people being rude and not friendly when they ask.

Pinotmum · 16/03/2005 10:54

When my brother was 3 yo my mum took him to get fitted for new shoes. The shop assistant brought out girls shoes and my mum had to say he's a boy. My brother was upset and for the rest of the day my mum reassured him that he was a boy and the lady was silly. She took him into a sweet shop and gave him the 5p or whatever to pay the shop owner who said "oh, what a good girl you are". My mum said are you f88king blind (no made that bit up) . Brother had a hair cut after that I think but we still remind him of that to this day and he's now a butch PE Teacher. grrrr!

SeaShells · 16/03/2005 10:55

Who would purposefully ask if it's a boy or girl if they knew otherwise!?!

handlemecarefully · 16/03/2005 10:56

Lol Pinotmum

HappyDaddy · 16/03/2005 10:59

SS sometimes the tone of their voice shows they think it's your fault that they can't tell. Looks they give too.

TinyGang · 16/03/2005 11:00

Some girls are really pretty at around 11. I was more the 'ahem' gangly type. Was mortified to be told by a miserable old park-keeper 'Hey sonny, get off that skateboard!' Of course I'm gorgeous now

zubb · 16/03/2005 11:01

I had this when I was 19!! I was at university and walked into a shop with two male friends, and the shop keeper addressed us all as 'lads'!! I did have very short hair!!

Both ds1 and ds2 have had this up to about 1, and it didn't bother me at all, just politely corrected them, and agreed that they were very pretty babies!

Freckle · 16/03/2005 11:04

DS3 has the most lovely hair, very blond and, when left to grow, gorgeous curls. He was always being mistaken for my daughter (I don't have one - only do boys) even when dressed in the most boyish, butch clothes and running around playing shooting games. I eventually gave in and had his hair cut, but it never really bothered me that he was mistaken for a girl. It's not as if he's going to grow up gay as a result (not that there's anything wrong with being gay before I get shot) .

PiccadillyCircus · 16/03/2005 11:07

I thought this would bother me but yesterday DS was referred to as a girl (she said boy then corrected herself ). He's 15 months and looks fairly boy like I think, but I just made some remark about him and all was well .

marialuisa · 16/03/2005 11:08

Sorry but sometimes it is the parents' "fault" that you can't tell a child's gender (although I'd say it's the parents' choice). If you want your DS to have long hair, your dD to be head-to-toe in camo gear or whatever, that's absolutely fine. Just don't be surprised/offended when people genuinely can't tell. I'm sure I've given kids "looks" when I'm trying to figure out gender but it's bemusement not malice behind them!

TBH if someone's strong minded enough to buck trends in dressing your kids then I'm amazed they're not big enough to deal with people's comments without resorting to rudeness.

As for the old dears in the street, i've come to accept they are a law unto themselves and leave it at that.

Cod · 16/03/2005 11:10

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bundle · 16/03/2005 11:11

dd1 ranted about not wearing trousers for school the other day, even though it was freezing: But my hair is short and it's Mother's Day Assembly! oh, wear the skirt then...

PuffTheMagicDragon · 16/03/2005 11:11

Ds2 is always mistaken for a girl. I don't care. I refuse to cut his shoulder length golden curls until he is 2.