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Original poster

Spoiling for a fight.........................or are they.

54 replies

happydays · 28/02/2003 10:48

Without mentioning names, I have noticed sometimes that some peoples comments are either a bit harsh, insensitive or argumentative. Is it just me being hyper-sensitive. I mean we all post of here wanting advice, but sometimes it seems as if people do not have anything constructive to say, but post anyway. I mean I have one child and do not want anymore, but wouldn't dream of posting something on the 'feeling broody' thread. Or are we just a lot of women with severe mood swings.

Not meaning to cause offense to anyone, as I think mumsnet is great, just wanted to know if anyone else felt the same as me.

OP posts:
Demented · 28/02/2003 23:42

Well put ScummyMummy.

willow2 · 01/03/2003 00:32

Bullseye for Scummy.

Custardo - are you still up for it or have you chickened out and gone to bed?

Chinchilla · 01/03/2003 18:38

I think that the main offenders only show their faces occasionally. They seem to make a few comments and then disappear for a while. Maybe they change their names? We all say things that make look worse when written than if said face to face, with the accompanying body language.

zebra · 01/03/2003 19:07

Wow, I have no idea if I'm one of the offenders.

Then again, if I were, presumably you all would have told me in no uncertain terms by now.. LOL....

Lindy · 01/03/2003 19:42

This may sound petty but has anyone else noticed some new people seem to post a question and then just disappear - you never know if they have seen other people's comments or not. Quite a few times I have given quite lengthy replies to subjects I am particularly interested in(usually older mums!) or if they seem to be local to where I live - and then ....... nothing. (Or am I being paranoid!). I tend now to stick to threads where I recognise names but then we get accused of being 'cliquey'.

Frieda · 01/03/2003 20:47

Lindy ? I'm afraid I might have been one of those guilty "disappeared" at times. I'm fairly new to mumsnet and on one or two occasions, I've posted, then I haven't been back on line for a while. When I do look in again, the thread's moved on, and I've felt that it might seem a bit primadonna-ish to add my little twopenneth reply and hoik the thread right back to the top of the list. But I do see your point. Now I'm a bit more of an addict, that's less likely to happen with me, but I can see why perhaps it does sometimes.

GillW · 01/03/2003 23:19

Lindy - I wonder how many of those posters who disappear again afterwards are actually regulars who for whatever reason don't want that particular question associated with them. I know for example that my dh sometimes reads these boards and will search on my name to see what I've been saying. If it was something sensitive, or which I didn't want him to know I'd posted, then I might well change my name just for that thread.

susanmt · 02/03/2003 02:21

No probs prufrock - just amazed anyone really wants my advice!!!!

Original poster
happydays · 02/03/2003 09:03

I am suprised that so many of you are concerned that it might be them, the main person I am referring about doesn't appear in this thread (funny that).

OP posts:
musica · 02/03/2003 09:11

Oh no, it could be me then!

hmb · 02/03/2003 09:18

Oh God, Its me! I'm panaoid enough to have gone back over my postings. I hope it isn't me, if so I appologise!

Original poster
happydays · 02/03/2003 10:20

NO, Its not any of you. I feel awful now, but do not want to name and shame. The person isn't a regular poster, just now and again. I am in no doubt that this person will know who they are because it is SO obvious what they are doing.

OP posts:
Batters · 02/03/2003 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

concorde · 02/03/2003 14:03

I hope I haven't offended anybody, I am only new and trying to join in, I noticed I haven't joined in on this thread and read the comment that the person hasn't appeared here. Sorry if I have hurt anybodies feelings.

Original poster
happydays · 02/03/2003 14:19

I feel really guilty, I feel I have opened a can of worms. I just wanted to know if people felt the way I did. I mean I have started another thread on how to keep my temper with my Ds and therefore be a better mother, I appreciate anyone views on wether they can help me, its the people who would post "Well I can't help because I myself am a natural mother and find what you are saying is horrible" that sort of thing, I think anyone concerned that it might be them, obviously has feelings and I do not feel that would post negative comments. The person who I am referring to, it wasn't even on my thread, it was someone elses thread. I wasn't offended, I just made a mental note that it wasn't really on. Now I apologise if I have made anyone doubt their postings because 99% of the advice here is helpful and appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:
lucy123 · 02/03/2003 14:27

happydays - I think everyone feels a bit paranoid on here sometimes. Especially after the grammar thread!

But I am dying to know now - can you give us a hint as to which thread?

Original poster
happydays · 02/03/2003 14:54

I don't want to name or hint as it will be then obvious to everyone who it is, and I do not want the person to find out and be upset, just on the slim chance that they really didn't mean any offence.

OP posts:
robinw · 02/03/2003 15:27

message withdrawn

ScummyMummy · 02/03/2003 17:15

I agree, robinw. There's a fine line between informed debate or opinion and misjudged rudeness and personally I've crossed it a few times, particularly when I first started posting on mumsnet. Actually, I think getting to know some of the regular posters over time has been good for my manners. In the early days I was spoiling for a fight to a certain extent and loved the thrill of the argumentative chase; stopping to consider the affect of my posts on others wasn't my top priority sometimes, unless people were clearly seeking support over issues for which I felt clear cut sympathy. I remember a couple of posters asking me whether it was really necessary to be quite so abrasive and feeling extremely offended! Nowadays, I like so many people on here and would hate to hurt their feelings, so my abrasive edge has been blunted a bit, I think. Still, getting too het up about what other people may be making of our posts can be a problem too, IMO- I can't believe how many nice folks have posted on this thread worrying that they are offending the rest of us! I still think that controversial, tightly argued threads can spice up the board and add a different, exciting counterpoint to the equally necessary and useful threads asking for advice on specific issues.

Jimjams · 02/03/2003 18:54

Hmm I've been considering starting a thread on immunisations today Actually becasue I found something really interesting in an old (80's) medical book and I have a genuine question that I'd like answered- but I'm not sure I dare. Those threads usually seem to end up with too many casualties :-) Also as I'm new to this thread so I may be the stroppy one! (althought I certainly don't post "my son can do this and I'm a great mother" tyoe threads because my son can't and I spend half my time too stressed to be great!!)

Jimjams · 02/03/2003 19:17

happydays- think I may have sussed out who it is. I think it was perhaps worded a bit strongly but I don't think she meant to be offensive......Unless it's me when I must be really thick skinned!! I have posted before that I am a bitter and twisted old crone these days.....

CAM · 02/03/2003 19:56

Agree with ScummyMummy and Batters, but also must say happydays I think its a teensy bit mean to say that you are offended by someone's post and not either say it directly to them or ignore it completely. This feels a little bit like gossiping behind someone's back but worse because everyone is now worriedly wondering if you are referring to them. (God, hope its not me)

Original poster
happydays · 02/03/2003 20:06

I have already said that I only wished to see if anyone else felt the same about some peoples comments or if I was over-reacting. I DO NOT feel as though I am gossiping behind someone's back, by not mentioning their name. I could of changed my name and posted the person's name, which I did not do. I have mentioned before at least a few times that it was not ment to get people concerned thinking it was them. I just started a thread and it kind of ran away. I am sure that this is not the first time that this has happened.

OP posts:
CAM · 02/03/2003 20:32

I haven't said you are gossiping by not mentioning their name. My view is that you should deal with the person direct, ie. say what you want to them on the thread you are concerned about, or not mention it at all.

Original poster
happydays · 02/03/2003 20:39

Ok, once again, it wasn't on my thread I was referring to, it was someone elses. If you look at my original posting, it mentions various comments made and does not mention anyone in particular, and for the record it was addressed in the thread (by someone else) and it wasn't replied.

I just wanted to know if it was just me reading things this way, and from various replies that I have had, I am not the only one.

OP posts:
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