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Original poster

Spoiling for a fight.........................or are they.

54 replies

happydays · 28/02/2003 10:48

Without mentioning names, I have noticed sometimes that some peoples comments are either a bit harsh, insensitive or argumentative. Is it just me being hyper-sensitive. I mean we all post of here wanting advice, but sometimes it seems as if people do not have anything constructive to say, but post anyway. I mean I have one child and do not want anymore, but wouldn't dream of posting something on the 'feeling broody' thread. Or are we just a lot of women with severe mood swings.

Not meaning to cause offense to anyone, as I think mumsnet is great, just wanted to know if anyone else felt the same as me.

OP posts:
Chiccadum · 28/02/2003 10:52

Yes, I do agree sometimes that postings can come across as harsh and how they are read can sometimes depend on how I'm feeling that day, but the difference to reading what someone thinks and actually seeing someone say things is that there is no tone of voice, hand gestures or suchlike.

PS. If I've ever come across as harsh or insensitive sorry

Scatterbrain · 28/02/2003 11:04

Yes totally agree !! There is the problem about writing being one dimensional of course, but personally I suspect some of the people on here are confrontational in real life too. Some of the worst offenders have extremely strong views on some subjects and take every opportunity to get their point of view across.

I am frequently offended - and often decide not to come back, but I am truly addicted !!

Interestingly some of the most confrontational people I've had run ins with have now vanished again after quite short lives on the boards. Makes me wonder whether they have troll like tendencies and just like stirring things up ?

After a while you can spot them !!!

Frieda · 28/02/2003 11:04

Oh, God ? I think I sometimes fall into the category of not having anything constructive to say but posting anyway ? sometimes it's a bit quiet at work and I just want to join in.
But I really hope I don't come across as harsh or insensitive ? if I've upset anyone, please accept my apologies.

breeze · 28/02/2003 11:10

I think most of us at some point have said something and then re-read their post and though...I didn't mean to say it like that, but saying that I too have noticed comments from people and thought that what/how it was put is a bit out of order. I know with periods and things we can all do/say things in the heat of the moment, but sometimes the same name(s) keep popping up. I always try to be helpful, and would be most upset if I feel I have upset anyone in anyway.

jac34 · 28/02/2003 11:20

I'm another one, who has not got alot to say but like to join in anyway, but then I'm a bit like that in "real life", just can't keep my mouth shut.
However, I have often thought on reading some postings,"Oh, that person should do this,or that", but have not commented, as I've thought my advise too harsh.
It's a shame some other people don't show restraint, as people posting are often already upset, and don't need someone making them feel worse.

Original poster
happydays · 28/02/2003 11:33

I meant with the comment about people posting without anything constructive to say, is that some people do not have anything constructive to say, but post something that only can make the person feel bad about themselves, ie my son can't talk, and someone pipes up, well cant help you as my son spoke 12 languages by the time he was 2, that sort of thing.

Glad I am not the only one

OP posts:
Scatterbrain · 28/02/2003 12:50

Ah Happydays - I hate the boasters too !!!

SofiaAmes · 28/02/2003 13:26

Well, I know that wasn't me as my son is 2 and speaks at least 40 languages ....:0
Speaking for myself, I enjoy a good "argument" somtimes, but I try to limit my arguing to threads designed for that. You'd be hard pressed to turn "how do i get lice out of my kids hair" into an argument, but "who do you really want to slap" is just asking for controversy. I think also that some comments that some people find harsh etc. may not have necessarily been meant to convey that effect. As a "brash" American, I find myself constantly offending people both on mumsnet and in real life with things that would not even be blinked at by my friends in the usa. So just in case, sorry in advance and retrospect if I've offended anyone...I didn't mean to.

SofiaAmes · 28/02/2003 13:27

well that was supposed to be a grin...I think so far all i've mastered is a wink...

lucy123 · 28/02/2003 13:31

I'm with Frieda - sometimes I just like to join in. Maybe it's because I was a lonely child or something.

I have been mildly offended on occasion though, but in some ways that's why I like mumsnet - you get views from all sides.

Perhaps I should keep quiet about dd sleeping in til 9/10am though O) (oops, there it goes again!).
I'm sure I'm due a rude awakening when she gets older anyway.

lucy123 · 28/02/2003 13:32

SofiaAmes - looks like the grins have disappeared today! I'll try a smiley instead

lucy123 · 28/02/2003 13:32

No, perhaps it's this

Lindy · 28/02/2003 14:09

It is sometimes hard to write a really tactful & politically correcte message but I would hate anyone to think I am rude. I think one of the main problems is that people can get so passionate about the whole pregnancy/parenting thing that there are a lot of strongly held views around. Whilst I certainly disagree with some, I always find it interesting to read all view points.

I have been described as a 'cruel mother' when I posted my views on controlled crying - I know that not everyone agrees with cc - but whether I disagreed with something or not, I wouldn't describe a fellow mumsnetter as cruel!!

Have to agree that most of the rudest people do seem to disappear quite quickly.

Clarinet60 · 28/02/2003 16:19

lucy123, my DS1 always slept in till past 9am too, so you're not the only one. Even now, he's rarely up before 8. (He's 3). Great, innit?!!!!!!!
DS2 looks like a slightly earlier riser though. I can't get him past 7:30 at present, although 'his' room doesn't yet have backout blinds.....Hmm........

Gizmo · 28/02/2003 16:23

It seems to me that 'confrontational' posters fall into a few separate camps:

  1. outright trolls - normally fairly easily identified if you frequent mumsnet regularly

  2. people who are just used to expressing themselves in a 'no-s**t' sort of way and perhaps don't take the care to preview their messages that others do

  3. people who have really strong views about something and who feel threatened by anyone else holding alternative views

Although I can understand why they do this, I find the last group hardest to deal with, as there is no element of debate there, just a general restating of the same opinion, which can make those on the receiving end feel pretty horrible.

Generally, though, I really enjoy the debates on mumsnet - they very rarely get personal and often turn up points that I had never thought of (wow, that sounds arrogant - how about, always turn up points I had never thought of). Keep posting guys, keep holding those opinions - they've got to be useful to someone, somewhere!

susanmt · 28/02/2003 16:37

I know that I am often quite outspoken on a couple of subjects, but I do hope that I don't offend people unneccesarily. I'm sorry if I have, but I quite find that most 'offence' is taken when it wasn't meant - I've found myself fuming at things people have said and then when I have gone back to it later have discovered it isn't anything like as offensive as I had at first thought.
I do try to remember to preview, and have made myself a rule never to reply to something that makes me mad straight away, but only when I have had a chance to cool down.
So sorry if I've offended anyone - I genuinely dont mean it, I'm just a bit of a hothead.

prufrock · 28/02/2003 16:40

susanmt - I want to get your advice on something offboard - would you mind if I asked Tech to forward an e-mail?

bossykate · 28/02/2003 19:06

gizmo, an excellent analysis

Tortington · 28/02/2003 21:41

am blasted desperate for a fight - if theres a thread am missing will someone point it out?

anais · 28/02/2003 22:24

I know I'm guilty of having offended people in the past. I do have very strongly held and passionate views about certain things. The problem I have is getting the tone right on here, and there have been occasions I have said things which have been taken completely differently to how they were intended.

I also post when I probably shouldn't because I'm feeling very emotional - often about totally unrelated things.

It's never my intention to upset people, so if I've ever upset anyone here then I'm sorry

PamT · 28/02/2003 22:27

I'm just a dozy moo who often forgets to engage brain before fingers I can be so incredibly dopey at times that it's frightening. I'm terribly nosey too and just can't keep my nose out of all these threads.

lucy123 · 28/02/2003 22:40

custardo, a fight would cheer me up no end. What's it to be?

Clarinet60 · 28/02/2003 22:41

I'm nosy too, that's about the size of it. No offence intended.

custardo, I'll give you one.......outside now.

ScummyMummy · 28/02/2003 22:55

I rarely have anything constructive to say but usually post anyway because it's a message board and it's fun and I like it! Is that so wrong?

Obviously it's not desirable for people to set out to deeply wound each other or to do so thoughtlessly but IME people are, rightly, quick enough to jump on that and snuff it out. I don't think mumsnet always has to be about support, though obviously that's one of the lovely things that stands out about it as a forum. It can be about expressing and defending strong opinions, having a laugh, testing out new ideas etc too.

ks · 28/02/2003 22:56

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