When I was pregnant and spoke to friends and family who were mums, no-one gave me the impression it was going to be easy. Quite the opposite. I remember going to dinner the eve I began my maternity leave at 16 weeks pregnant and these two women going on and on about the negatives. I actually had to stop them with some curt comment about how I should slit my wrists now.
I think there is no conspiracy. Everyone has different lives and different experiences. Everyone has different expectations. Sometimes, those who find it the hardest, are those who have the greatest expectations. When my SIL had a newborn, some years before I had my first, I remember being horrified when she told me some days she was still in her PJs until the afternoon. I could not understand how a little person could take up so much time.
Luckily, by the time I had my own, my expectations were more realistic and I understood already how difficult it is to give your life over to caring for a baby. I expected my life to be some black hole for the first few months of life with a newborn. Some days it was but most days it wasn't. I grabbed all the support I could. I always knew on bad days that things would get better.
When people are pregnant with their first child, I say two things to them. 1. There is no way you can imagine how tired you are going to be and how much the baby is going to take over your life. AND 2. There is no way you can imagine how much love you are going to feel for your baby and quite how it is going to change your life.
I would hate women who are suffering not to speak out about their postnatal trauma or difficulties. People need to feel safe to say, I am not coping, it's nothing like I thought it would be, I am bored, I am unhappy. But at the same time, as far as newspaper reports go haven't we seen it many times before? So what is this conspiracy of silence they keep talking about.
It also has to be OK for people to say I love being at home with a newborn.