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Original poster

All you CLEVER and FUNNY mumsnetters - pls help Count Dracula with his speech for 50th wedding anniv.

26 replies

CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 13:43

right
dh has to do speech for his parents 50th wedding anniversary. He does great speeches

Time has conspired against him - it is on saturday and he hasn't really started yet.

I told him you lot would come up with some good ideas or one liners or whatever

SO

It is going to be a bit olympics related
We have ordered bouquets in the style of the olympics and medals which dd and their other granddaughter can present at the end. He has a few ideas for this but any possible funny events that you can think of would be good. They are very sociable, very golf, tennis, bridge, holiday of a lifetime on a yearly basis types.

Also any general funnies you have heard at these things before or can think of related to being married forever.

I know you are all geniuses and won't let me down

OP posts:
VinegARGHHHTits · 09/10/2008 13:46

Oh gosh, i cant help, i am not clever or funny

Original poster
CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 13:46

well bog off then

OP posts:
Original poster
CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 13:47

come on I am going to send him this thread
so you must excel yourselves

OP posts:
VinegARGHHHTits · 09/10/2008 13:50

I'm going hang around and steal some wit, and bump for you

Original poster
CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 13:54

MI i know you are there

OP posts:
motherinferior · 09/10/2008 13:56

Is it speech or stunts you need help with?

motherinferior · 09/10/2008 13:57

Any mileage in Olympics that have been held during their tenure (50, omg) of marriage?

RubySlippers · 09/10/2008 13:58

you deffo need to mention something about marriage not being a sprint but a marathon with bits where you feel tired and worn, but bits where you feel elated and happy and that the journey is wonderful run together

50 years is AWESEOME

as an aside google other world events from 50 years ago as well - i know you want an olympics theme but may be interesting

Original poster
CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 13:59

I think certain events are to be mentioned

Obv the marathon
The triathlon (golf, tennis, bridge)
etc

any more of those would be good

And one liners or funny things

OP posts:
motherinferior · 09/10/2008 13:59

As in, a little family vignette from each year there's been an Olympics? 'That was the year our car broke down halfway up a hillside in Snowdonia'...that kind of thing? It would mean you could chart the years with some sort of structure to it.

Original poster
CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 14:00

He did consider opening with

Hands up who's seen Festen

OP posts:
Original poster
CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 14:00

Yes good one
How did you know about snowdonia??

OP posts:
motherinferior · 09/10/2008 14:02

Everyone's car broke down on a childhood holiday in Wales. Our mini did, repeatedly.

FabioCatello · 09/10/2008 14:13

Who was it - famous Hollywood couple - where they were interviewed after 800 years of marriage and wife was asked if she had ever considered divorce.

"Divorce? No. Murder? Yes"

That has nothing to do with the Olypmpics. Apart from the one where the Israelis were bombed. Which isn't funny.

In conclusion, do a gag about murder, but leave the terrorism out of it.

Where was the OLympics 50 years ago?

Original poster
CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 14:16

err
thanks fabio

there was no olympics 50 years ago (50 not being divisble by 4)

OP posts:
FabioCatello · 09/10/2008 14:21

lol at Festen

am maths dunce

Do a gag about doping. There's no way of getting through 50 years of marriage without performance enhancing liquor etc.

Original poster
CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 14:21

right I have to go out
have emailed to dh so he will be watching you

OP posts:
Original poster
CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 14:22

oh yes that's a good one
FIL does have a big wine habit

OP posts:
Original poster
CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 14:22

and MIL on steriods
must be some mileage in that
(not that it is funny)

OP posts:
edam · 09/10/2008 14:25

Could you point out that the Olympic symbol is five rings, hence FIL owes MIL another three and had better start saving (or two, if she's got an eternity ring)?

Gag about Boris Johnston not being able to make it and thought you'd spare them his video message?

squeaver · 09/10/2008 14:42

Well obviously this marriage has been a marathon not a sprint! And just like a real Marathon as they've got towards the finish line they've had to take on more fluids, their legs have given way and they've needed to take more toilet breaks (ho ho)

They compete daily in the pentathlon/heptathlon/decathlon - however many you can string together - where events include tennis, bridge, golf, having a nap in the afternoon (insert more quirky habits here)
(boom boom)

Thank you, I'm here all week. Tip your waiter

Original poster
CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 14:48

pmsl yes

OK I have found a number of institutions that also celebrate their 50th anniversary in 2008

NASA
The Lego Brick
The peace symbol (that used by CND not the backwards V sign)
The Keeling Curve here must be some mileage in that
The Beulah speckled face sheep society (really)
Paddington Bear
the Chanel Handbag

wiki on 1958

OP posts:
edam · 09/10/2008 14:53

ooh, can you get a lego FIL and MIL to put on top of a wedding stylie cake?

EachPeachPearMum · 09/10/2008 19:52

I read that as his 50th... was wondering how you'd managed to be blessed by a DD after 40-odd years of marriage!

EachPeachPearMum · 09/10/2008 19:53

Lego good analogy- building the marriage/relationship etc?