My Mum watches the kids 2 days a week, but has just applyed for F/T Job!!

[Toothache]

Am I being unreasonable?? She offered to watch dd on a Thursday (ds is in preschool nursery) and dd & ds on a Friday, when I was deciding to come back to work after Mat Leave. This means ds in only in 2 days ( gets a discount coz he's 3.5) and dd is only in 1 day. That was paramount in deciding what hours I had to work. I now work a 4 day week.

My Mum has fallen out with her coleagues (petty argument about a night out) and has had an interview for a job. She didn't even mention that if she took it she wouldn't be able towatch the kids!!! I aksed her yesterday and she said that if she got the job then she would be fulltime.

She didn't even think about the fact that not only can I not afford to put the kids in an extra 2 days (extra £300 a month), but dd is already on a loooooooong waiting list for more days coz the babyroom only takes 5, so I probably will have to give up work!!

As I am the main earner, this will be devastating finacially for us.

All because she has fallen out with a few women for going on a night out without her.
I am so scared and angry but have no idea what I can do. Am I being selfish to expect my Mum to watch them when she said she would? She has never mentioned anything about it being a temporary arrangement.

...also it looks like from what I've heard today, that she will be offered the job and start in 2 weeks time.

OOOOOOOoooooohhhhh Toothache. I'm torn up between anger at your parents and commiserations for you . I hope it gets better, hon, honestly.

Two practical suggestions: firstly, if your mum is really making overtures about helping you out of the sh1t she has dropped you in, perhaps you could suggest that she pays for a childminder for 'her' day? If she doesn't need the money that the new job brings and yet she still wants to feel responsibility of looking after your DC that might work. It rather depends on her/your dad's attitude to money, though, which is always sensitive.

The other thing - and please don't take this the wrong way - is about the credit card debt. If you go over to the Motley Fool website and have a look on their discussion boards they have a couple of boards: 'Dealing with Debt' and 'Living below your means' which are stuffed with good ideas for making money go further and getting rid of debt. The general attitude of the boards is a bit 'tough love' - it's not as supportive as Mumsnet - but the information is really helpful.

I hope that helps and I hope this is only temporary for you. Roll on September, eh?

Thanks Shimmy21. I really do need to give myself a shake right now!! It just seems to happen all at once. Marriage counselling, my Mums job, my parents attitude to me and then the tax credits stopping. I know I won't let it beat me, but I can feel a struggle ahead of me and need to see a light at the of the tunnel..... which is very faint at the moment.

Gizmo - I did think about asking my Mum about that. But at the moment I just want to never see my Mum or Dad again (extreme I know.... and a spur of the moment reaction).

I'll have a look at that website, thanks.

toothache - im truly horrified at your parents' reaction to this esp your dad (sorry). Yes your kids are your responsibility but that doesnt mean you cant EVER rely on anyone to help. We have fallen foul of this before and so now dh works full time and all the overtime he can muster and i have been working around hte kids (although they are at school so no cost as such) until my redundancy in January but we do acknowledge that i wont be able to work unless i can work round school times/term time as I dont like to rely on anyone now.

Let's put it this way Toothache. In years to come (when you can look back on this and laugh ) and your dd comes to you needing help with her kids, what are you going to say?

Is it going to be: 'well, you shouldn't have had them if you can't look after them'? Of course it isn't. You're a bigger person than your dad, I think. Which may not be much consolation to you now, but does mean you should ignore his nonsense

And Toothache, just to add... i know it all feels really scary at the moment. (We went through very lean times trying to juggle budgets with 2 preschoolers so I've been there) but it does get better. As soon as school starts your costs start dropping and believe me it comes faster than you think. At that stage you'll be really pleased that you stuck out being a working mum because you'll be in your job and will finally start making some money. We spent the first year or 2 of ds's school-life paying off debts that we incurred when we were paying childcare (and not making ends meet) but now we are at last better off than we would have been if I'd stopped work. The phase you're in at the moment is the worst it gets but with any luck your incomes will go up and costs go down (and when financial pressures ease we found that relationship stresses did too). You'll make it!

Just a quick update: Mum is handing her notice in today. She says she will be able to get a Friday off to watch the kids..... but since she hasn't actually asked I'm not holding out much hope. Dd will have to go to a childminder. The poor wee lamb is being shunted from pillar to post. She had just settled into the nursery and now I'm going to have to remove her from it entirely as I don't want her there one day and at a childminder for the other 2 days. I'll probably have to send ds to the childminder as well, due to finances. Which means he'll leave the first friends he's ever made.

I hope my Mums job is worth it, I really do.

what a bloody upheavel for you all
so people just dont consider others do they, especially people who your supposed to be able to count on

I went round yesterday to drop off a Mothers Day card. DH watched the Everton game with my Dad and I sat in the Dining room with my Mum. She was happily chatting about her new job and how fantstic it would be, then asked me if I thought she should take it!!! I said you already have though. And she said yeah, but I'm wondering if I'd be better staying where I am after all! I could have actually caused her physical harm at that point, but said through gritted teeth that she should take the job.

Toothache, I'd second the idea of asking your mum to pay for the extra costs more childcare will entail for you hun. It sounds like she doesn't need the money, so if she can't be there for your children in person, she can pay for someone else to be.

Sounds simple written down, but I do know that it may well not be in RL. Hugs to you, hun - not a nice situation to find yourself in

She would have to hide it from my Dad (very controlling!) as he thinks that I'm being irresponsible and selfish.

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I wish Oops! My Dad wouldn't even 'lend' me money to get through Uni when I was 17! I had to borrow borrow borrow, which is one of the reasons I'm in debt now 10 yrs on. Dad, again, just thinks I was irresponsible and stupid to borrow money from Student loans.... student overdraft etc.

It's a mess, and its really getting me down. I know we'll manage, I'm just so angry that I'm having to do this.