South African AIDS orphans

[bunny2]

Did anypne see the news at 10, BBC1 tonight? 3 million AIDS orphans in SA by the end of the decade. It's an almost unbelievable statistic and it has really upset me (my dads' SOuth AFrican so perhaps I feel an allegiance). Does anyone know anything about adopting from overseas? It is something I think about but know absolutely nothing.

I saw it too, and just felt terribly, terribly sad. I'm sure there must be charities out there one could support ? actionaid? Save the Children? I'd really like to help, but it just seems such an insurmountable problem.

There is a project called TLC (think it stands for The Love of Christ) ministries and my mum knows the woman who runs it in Johannesburg. When she lived there for a while she helped out, bathing babies and so on. Thea Jarvis, the woman who started and runs TLC, rescues abandoned babies, a lot of them left because they're HIV+. They are abandoned in hospitals, in the bush etc and she really deserves help and funding. I'll see if I can find a website if anyone's interested.

I would be interested.

Bunny2, do a search for adoption. Many agencies deal with adoption from overseas, so you may find something there.

The subject of adoption does come up, especially as I seem to be having trouble conceiving No2. Perhaps I will look into it (MIL would have a fit, the racist old bat).I'd love to do somethinng practical to help those poor babies. I am not brave enough to pack up and move to SA, it's a nightmare there.

That programme broke my heart too. Good on you, bunny2 for thinking about this. Don't know anything practical about it though - I think the red tape can be a nightmare, but that's all.

BTW how is Britain? We're in Granada now and I'm getting seriously homesick.

bunny2, I don't know if you are really serious about adoption (you'd need a big house for all of them) but World Vision do a lot of work with AIDS children - maybe not in SA though, Malawi is what I remember from the most recent newsletter. Grandparents or big brothers/sisters are the only family many of them have now.

secure.worldvision.org.uk/waystodonate/sponsorachild/default.asp

You could sponsor a couple while you think and find out about it?

Hi Jahn, maybe a sponsorship is the way to go, its not going to break the bank at £5 or £10 a month, aat least I would be doing a tiny bit while we make bigger decisions (I always sponsored animals until ds was born, funny how priorities change).
Hi Lucy, poor you being homesick, I was terribly homesick in Spain and love being back here in UK. I'll send you a mail.

I spoke to my mum this morning as she's raising money for TLC, the organisation in South Africa which rescues abandoned babies as I mentioned below. My mum adopted a TLC baby (mum is 59) who is now a happy, gorgeous 5 year old (my sister, technically!) who lives with them in the UK.

Anyway, TLC's website is here and ways of helping are listed. You can do things like donating a birthday present for one of the children who live there or sending unwanted clothes etc. One of their major corporate sponsors has apparently just pulled out so they are in dire need of help. From everything I know about them, they're a really worthwhile cause. I can probably ask my mum if anyone has any questions. If anyone has any good fundraising ideas let me know, because I'd really like to help them too.

That's a very interesting site, WWW. Did your mum have any problems with adopting from abroad and because of her age? Someone I know in the UK adopted from Thailand about four years ago and was thinking of adopting another but she said the rules have been tightened since then and it's much more difficult, now.

There are loads of 'unwanted' babies here in Indonesia, too. The situation is different to SA, though, as HIV hasn't got such a grip, thus far, and most babies/children are not technically orphans. They have at least one parent who, for whatever reason, isn't able to look after them so they are put into homes as an act of desperation. Sometimes they are sold for adoption by couples elsewhere in SE Asia, because the husband doesn't wish his wife to be pg and give birth. It's all so, so sad, heartbreaking.

My neighbour goes to play with the children at an orphanage but I haven't brought myself to do that yet and don't know that I ever will.

suedonim, no-one seemed that bothered about my mum's age (or stepfather's age, the same) but it wasn't easy since they're white and the SA authorities aren't keen generally on inter-racial adoption (even though the baby's parents had left her). My mum looked after this baby from when she was 4 days old until she was about 2-ish which is when they started adoption proceedings. It's been a long and expensive legal haul and although the SA courts agreed it years ago, the UK courts only finally approved it last year. That 4 day old baby was 5 years old by then! But she's been with my mum and stepfather in the UK since she was about 3. I can imagine why you can't face the orphanage, I cried just reading TLCs site and I'd heard quite a lot of the tragic stories before, from my mum. It is all very sad, I agree.
What a horrible thought, that some men can't face their wives being pregnant and giving birth, so buy ready made babies

I spent last night trawling internet sites about overseas adoption. Profiles of all these children aged from a few days old right up to 17 years, that nobody wants. It's heartbreaking.

I know my future lies with adoption and then later, fostering, and plan to start with the adoption process soon.

Hi Anais, I was wondedering if anyone else was considering adoption. We are only just thinking about it now and it seems a harder decision than the decision to get pregnant (we are trying but no luck so far since a mc18 months ago). It is such a lengthy and involved process, where do we start?

WWW, just visited the TLC website, I could only read a few stories, its so upsetting and moving isnt it? What a wonderful thing those people are doing.

Hi Bunny2, I'm only just at the stage of finding out about adoption too. I have 2 beautiful children, but desperately want more, and as a single mum, the chances are pretty slim atm.

I've got as far as contacting a local agency, but not taken it any further yet. I want to move house and be a little more settled before I start the proceedings.

Try this site where you can register interest and a local agency will contact you. I started by doing a lot of searching on the internet, and getting some books out of the library.

It is a huge decision, the difference with having a baby being that you don't need anyone to give you permission in the way you do with adoption. Anyone can just go out and get pg, but you have to be approved as a good enough parent to adopt. It's daunting, isn't it? I probably can't offer much in the way of advice as I'm not really any further on than you, but it will be nice to know there's someone else out there to talk to about it

Hi Anais, you are braver than me, I cannot make that first step just yet. Also, I am not sure my husband is committed yet, he desperately wants more children but I dont think he ever considered adoption an option. I feel like I have let him down in my failure to conceive No 2. I shall give him time to think about and consider adoption further, he needs to be sure as do I. What makes the decision so hard for me is that deep down I dont think I could ever love another child like I love my own.

I have one DS and waited and waited for the next one to come along, I always wanted 2 children close together, after 3-4years of trying and my age creeping towards 40 we decided rather than investigate infertility which would not necessarily lead us to increasing our family we would look into adopting. In Oct.1999 asocial worker came to see us from our local social services dept. she felt we would be the sort of people they would be interested in , fortunately a course was due to start at the end of Nov. We were approved in the April and found out about a little boy 2 months later, he joined our family in the Sept. So not much different time wise to a pregnancy.I must admit I am a softie and fell in love with him immediately , when someone looks up to you ,calls you mummy and desparately needs you, Well I could not fail!!
We have been reassessed to adopt again, approved in Oct. and are currently waiting so this time it is not all falling into place, but hopefully that phone call is only around the corner.
I would encourage anyone interested in adopting to find out more info and take it from there, you will either be put off or feel greatly excited and want to get on with it.I have no regrets and feel we should all think about it , there are so many children out there needing someone to be their mummy and daddy forever.

Oh Bunny2 I don't feel brave. I know that part of my reason for hestitaing is because I feel that they won't take me seriously. Mostly because of my age, I still feel like a child, all intimidated by the world.

But I want this so badly. I want to spend my life with children around me, and I know I can give a loving home to some of those children who are waiting for homes.

I've been looking into the option of adopting from overseas - mainly because of the increased chances of adopting younger children, but because of the costs involved I'm not sure this will be a feasible option.

Giraffe, how old was your little boy when you adopted him? From what I've seen so far, (although there seems to be much more limited info about adoption in the uk than elsewhere)so many of the children - having ruled out the ones of differing ethnic origin - seem to be either much older or 'damaged' in one way or another - mental or physical. I wouldn't rule out a child with 'problems' but I don't want it to be to the detriment of my existing family. It's all so difficult this, isn't it?

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Anais and Robin2, I don,t know your ages but some info , I am 38 and DH is 48 , we have a 7 year old , we have been approved to adopt a child up to the age of 5 years. I think most agencies like an age gap of 2 years between existing children as this is supposedly similiar to normal birth children, also it reduces competiveness.
From my understanding yes there are alot of older children out there, and the ones we see advertised and in the publications such as 'be my parent'(www.baaf.org.uk) do have complex issues which is why they are hard to place. But the little boy we were matched to was just 2 years and from reports of others in our group and contacts you get involved with there are alot around the toddler age ,maybe not immediately available but within 6months or so of approval.I really would encourage you to speak to social services and take it from there, don't worry about 'perfect parent syndrome', they need people who know that bringing up children is full of ups and downs,but the experience you have as an existing parent is a huge benefit.
Overseas adoption still requires the same assessment process as here as the child will be living here, remember the Kilshaws!!
I have a friend who is meeting her son to be, he is 15 months old , their first meeting is today. It brings back my own memories, and having had both a child through birth and through adoption and think both have been equally moving ,exciting and immensely satisfying experiences.Please be brave and give that phone call a try, you will feel very nervous , but not wanting to use emotional blackmail but going to anyway - think of the child and what they have to go through.Although the trauma of losing their birth family and the experiences that have lead up to it do have effects on the child, many are yery resilient, some children have not suffered harm but potentially the risk is there,so social workers are looking ahead for the child. Instead of a child being removed at an age when it is hard to find an adoptive home, decisions are made before to give the child a better chance of having a forever family who are able to love and care for them.
Sorry I know I have gone on, and I guess if my body had let me get pregnant again I would not of thought of adoption, so I do feel a hypocrite really, but so what if it means it leads to someone giving a child that chance.I have just read this post and realised it will not make sense if you have read my last posting, there is a sad part , which I did n't want to or don't know how to say, after 10 months we lost our little boy through an accident,which is why we are back to adopting again.

Oh Giraffe how tragic
I really hope a lucky child is out there ready to be placed with you. An inspiring story.

Thanks Lil, I did not want to post for any sympathy and hope it does not come over like that, although I know people will feel sad. It is in the past , yes I will always miss him but I feel like I owe it to him to carry on as best I can and know that as a family we have the love and space in our lives at share it with another little person

Giraffe I have always wanted to adopt, just to give something back. Looking at your ages I am pleased to see that older mums are not stopped from adopting, not sure that was the case in the past? I want to wait until my little one is out of toddlerhood. What did your son make of it all?

Lil,I think you are right about ages in the past, fortunately they have had to become more realistic. Also I think with IVF on the increase generally parenthood is becoming less ageist.
DS has always wanted a sibling, he went to a childminder from an early age and used to think the other children were his family.
He has been a star at coping both with and without his brother, I think it helps that he is a fairly confident person and we have chosen to always keep him in the picture. Like us he is frustrated at the wait at the moment, he is longing to have a playmate.At times I think he becomes abit nasty to others that have got a brother, but then sometimes its easy to read into a situation.
Our son was 5.5 when we first adopted, it seemed like a good age when I think back. He had been at school for 6 months so was settled, and so gave me lots of time for the new one to find his feet.So I think you are right to wait but if you are really keen for the future I would still say get in there and talk to someone, it can be a lengthy process and maybe getting a foot on the ladder sooner rather than later could help. It would show your interest and commitment is not just a passing thing. Happy toddlertimes in the meantime.

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