How would you feel if you got pg again?

[mum2boy]

I hope this doesn't offend anyone but I have such definite feelings about this and wonder if anyone else feels the same.

I have a beautiful 2.7 yr old ds, but the thought of ever falling pregnant again fills me with horror. My pregnancy wasn't a very nice experience (dh decided he didn't want a child), I suffered a lot with PND and could not get enough rest after ds was born. Our marriage wasn't the same after I fell pregnant and it has taken dh a long time to come to terms with it, I think he even thought about leaving. Even though I had quite an easy baby, for some reason I found the whole experience difficult. Now when I see pregnant women or hear that someone I know is pregnant, I actually feel bad for them instead of happy - I know other people would probably think this is strange, otherwise why would women go back for a second, third or fourth child? Obviously someone out there is enjoying it!! I absolutely love my son more than anything but do not want to go there again. DH had a vasectomy a year ago and I am even still taking the minipill because he hasn't received the final 'all clear' yet. Are my feelings on all this a bit extreme? Just wondering if anyone else can relate to what I'm saying.

I certainly don't want ds to look after me in my old age or feel any financial responsibility for us! But I would imagine that watching your parents grow old and then experiencing bereavement is "easier" (wrong word) if you have sibling you get along with.

Droile don't duck, I feel the same - I'm an only child and loved being an only child as a kid but do wish I could have someone to help support my mum (emotionally/practically support - not financially) since my dad died.

I'm still quite pro only-child families (I would like a sibling for ds but wouldn't be gutted if life didn't pan out that way) but that doesn't mean being oblivious to the disadvantages

I only have one child, and hopefully it will stay that way.

As for coping with stuff when you get older, that's what partners and friends are for.

I have not seen or heard from my brother in over 15 years (big age diff), we do not get along, and when the worse does happen with our parents, I will be turning to partner and friends. I am sure a lot of other people are in this situation. My dad has 5 brothers and sisters and doesn't see any of them other than the odd wedding. They have not fallen out but when my grandparents died he turned to mum and friends for love and support, someone who could be strong for him.

Droile your post ( the one after mine) had me very confused until I read the one (yours )before mine!
I wasn't correcting you, but was just giving my one word answer to the thread title question.

I would hate you to think I was setting myself up as some kind of example of spelling / literacy!

Re the one-child thing (sorry, but I have to get this off my chest). I spend a lot of time worrying about whether we've made the right decision about just having the one ds, whether he's lonely (constantly organising the next playdate for him), whether our relationship (me and him) is unhealthily intense and what I can do about it and particularly whether he'll be burdened with the sole responsibility of aging parents, which is the thing most people seem to wave in front of us as selfish parents of onlies... (Mostly not here on mumsnet, I hasten to add )
I was thinking about my own situation, as a middle one of three. My brother went to boarding school when I was nine, he lives abroad now, and we really don't have any relationship to speak of (I'd never call him for a chat ? I'd be really stumped about what to talk about, sad, but true I'm afraid). My sister was born 8 years after me, so we didn't really grow up as "siblings" (although we have a good, close relationship now). Sadly, she's seriously ill, and I have a lot of emotional propping up to do for my mum (father died some years ago), who is quite a difficult lady anyway ? she and my SIL REALLY don't get on. Consequently, I have virtually all the emotional responsibility for my aging mother, we have her to stay every Christmas, and so on ? but I'd never really thought about it up until this point; it's just the way things are. Certainly, I'd never be without my lovely sister, or my taciturn brother I suppose, but from an emotional burden point of view, it's really not that much different from being an only child.
Sorry about the rambling length of this post ? my point really, I suppose, was to say that none of us knows what life holds for our children or ourselves and much as we'd like to, we may not be able to prevent future heartaches or responsibilities.

No worries - I didn't mean anyone impaticular in regards to my post, just in general.

Frieda - I think you are so right about the responsibility of aging parents - it doensn't always help if you do have siblings - of course, in an ideal world we would all have families like the 'Waltons' but in reality it mostly isn't like that at all. I know this will seem quite contraversial but in many cases it is the daughter, rather than the son, who will end up with the emotional responsibility. I have 2 brothers but we are not particularly close & I can't see them doing much to help my parents - more likely to be arguing to the last pound over the inheritance.

My mum is an only child so she did have sole responsibility for her aging mother, she said it was tough but also admitted that it could have been very hard with siblings who didn't agree with the decisions that had to be taken regarding her long term care.

Just to add a different slant - my Mum is one of 6, and trying to get agreement on anything is a nightmare. There have been countless situations where various combinations of them haven't been talking, and trying to get all 6 (most with families of their own) together in one place, and agreeing to one thing is near impossible.

I would never judge anyone who chose to only have one child, but I must admit to being suprised how many of you there are. Despite all the problems I've seen with my parents families (my dad is one of 4) I have always resented having only one sibling and I have this rose-tinted fantasy of hundreds of children round a big farmhouse table (chickens in the garden, roses round the door...). For me there's nothing I want more than just lots of children.

Being the only one to inherit all those spondoolicks is great. (Hope she doesn't spend the b*** though....) As for support from partner - pah!

By the way, I don't think it's selfish to have one child, not at all. DS was nearly an only one.

Take it from someone who grew up in a very large family, those Walton's fantasies are just soooo off base. The gurning Yanks never bickered and fought, never wore each other's handed down shoes with holes in (yes that happened to me) and never went through school being addressed by the teacher using the mname of the sibling who was in their class the year before, or before that.

Large families.... not for me.

Another side to only having one child is you can't have a favourite, I have a brother and was not the favourite and growing up this did upset me alot.

This thread is moving on a bit from feelings about becoming pg to feelings about having one or more children. It's been helpful to read all the comments. I would love another kiddie but if it's not going to happen then I also know I want to grow to become at ease with have just the one wonderful ds. It's very reassuring to know he's not going to be "unusual" if there are no siblings in the sense there are lots of only kids out there. I am thinking about calling it a day on the trying to conceive front, I just don't know if I can be bothered with the rituals and mind games every month anymore, especially as ds seems so happy and a brother or sister could end up being a nightmare... and I always wanted 6 kids!

pluto, I know what you mean. It would be a relief to know that our family is complete, and get off the monthly treadmill of highs and lows. I'm 46 and have had 3 years of secondary infertility so another pregnancy is almost vanishingly unlikely. But I can't stop feeling a bit hopeful for a few days a month. Maybe we need another thread for people who are trying to give up trying?

breeze, you and me both! That's why I had 4!