To think that a child of almost eleven should really not still be sharing a bed with her parents?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Every night. No SN. Apart from the fact that this is just plain weird, what must it do for the parents' sex life?

Not that big a deal, sure the DD will grow out of it soon.

Sorry policywonk - I was never a fan of co-sleeping; dd always had her own bed. I can understand why others wish to to do this though. But, a parent's job is to bring up dcs to be independent. It's fine to co-sleep when they are small, but there comes a point, surely before the age of 11 that children can/should sleep independently of their parents. My dd is 4 and already wants her friends to stay over.

Heated - sounds a bit scary to me! When i was that age i slammed doors a lot and wanted to do my own thing "because you don't understand...." Sounds almost controlling on the part of the mother, but that could be just me...?

Heated - yes, this one seems to create if she doesn't get her own way. She was OK on the sleepover, once DD1 had said she would sleep with her, but she woke me up in the middle of the night to take her to the loo - OK, I thought, as she's in a strange-ish house, but her Mum said, oh yes, she wakes me up twice a night to take her to the loo.

FFS!

Portofino, a parent's job, IMO, is to give children the secure basis on which to develop independence at their own pace. I agree ntirely with policywonk about our culture fetishising 'independence'. My experience so far is that every need of my ds1's I have met without trying to force him out of it has resolved itself naturally in its own time.

FWIW, I think a 4yo wanting friends to stay over is probably rather unusual. I don't think it is absurd to think that children become ready for various markers of 'independence' on a continuum and that there are extremes (or what we might think of as extremes) at either end.

Sorry? - that is not good! So her parents aren't even trying to address this issue? Starting to wonder where the problem really lies here.

Portofino, my dd has had sleepovers with friends (both at home and at friends' houses) and she is 3....your dd is not unusual!

Oh the loo thing is a little odd. I wouldn't necessarily make the jump, on the info we have, to thinking it is pathological though.

Actually, I think the child is controlling the parents and the parents (well the mother, anyway) is going along with it. But she must be knackered - all those years of having your sleep broken every night! I think I'd have tied the child to her own bed out of sheer exhaustion years ago.

The father is really fucked off with it. He said on holiday she even slept between them, despite having her own bed in the room.

berolina, I don't disagree with you. I just think here that the parents don't seem to be supporting the "natural" process, but more encouraging dependent behaviour. I've never forced anything upon dd - unless you count not sleeping in my bed. And I was just not comfortable with that.

Sleepovers just seem to me to be something that would be more on older cildren's radars... my 3yo would not spend the night apart from us, nor (tbh) would I want him to, really.

Here in Germany a lot of kindergärten do an overnight 'sleepover' in the kindergarten for the 5-6yo, and some even do a several-night trip By all accounts the sleepover thing is an excellent, fun introduction to nights away from the parents. I do think 5 is plenty early enough.

I know that 4 is early for a sleep over and have never suggested the idea to dd. Her and her friends at Kindergarten seem to have come up with it all by themselves ( though I'm sure one of them got the idea from TV somewhere)

I agree Portofino, sounds like the parents enable the behaviour.

The mum never tells the 12yr dd off, a mild reproach maybe - hb & her sort of argued over this, as hb said he would tell dd off, but he'd get it in the neck if he did. She wants dd to like her and does keep saying what a fantastic relationship they have (that's why we know about dd still sleeping in the same room, as an illustration of this) She says she can't be doing with all that fighting other parents do with their children, it can't be good for them...

She also has said, as others have pointed out on here, that as a teenager dd will eventually want her privacy.

But dh did say dd was the reason they've never had any more children.

Haven't read the whole thread in detail however does sound like a control issue on the part of the daughter??? I take it she is an only child?

The DP of my BF had a 12 yr old DS. Everytime he came to stay he claimed he could only sleep with his Dad. Consequently my BF ended up sleeping in the spare room in her own house whilst DP and his 12 yr old son slept in the double bed. Eventually BF put her foot down and son now sleeps in his own bed. however they did recently go on hoiliday and son who is now 14 ended up sleeping in the double bed with his dad in the triple room whilst she slept in the single. Just a case of son trying to show her who was boss and Dad letting him!!!

Heated - poor DH bloke! I feel sorry for him too now. I think fighting with parents is normal. It's part of the process.

I have an 11yr old DD, she would rather pull her teeth out than sleep with her parents!!

When she was in hospital aged 4 she said I could go home as she was fine! .

But strangely enough she hates school trips, not because she dislikes being away from home but because it's horrible accommodation, with poor food and lots of 'healthy' outdoor activites....usually in January!!!!

As long as there are no abuse issues I would say whatever.

Oh you misery. It is not your problem is it? I love sleeping with mine and do so at every available opportunity. I'll miss it when they decide they are too old. Their choice.