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Original poster

Sibling or private school ???

71 replies

mummyloveslucy · 17/08/2008 19:33

I have a 3.5 year old daughter and I always asumed she would be an only child as I was soo ill when I was pregnant.
She is at a private nursery and really enjoying it, I had hoped she would stay at the school. I've just been thinking recently, would my daughter be missing out not having a sibling?
We live in an area where there are not many children and we don't have any friends with children either.
If she had a sibling then she would have to come out of her private school, but they could both have hobbies, music lesons, stage coach etc.
I can't emagine my daughter being an older only child but I can't emagine myself going through all that torture again either.
What do you think ?

OP posts:
JonahTakalua · 17/08/2008 20:12

Have another child if you want another child.
But for the child's own sake, as a valued individual in your family, not purely as a companion for your DD.

And certainly not as an alternative to private school!
I agree with Podrick - you do seem very hung up on the public school aspect of your DD's life.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 17/08/2008 20:13

I was the same during my pregnancy with my daughter, I worried that I wouldn't bond with the baby etc. When she was born, the love for her was overwhelming. It will probubly be the same for a second one.

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LynetteScavo · 17/08/2008 20:16

Sibling - even though I've seen the link to your daughters lovely school.

You would love your next child just as much, I promise.

No one can know though, if it's right for your family to have another child. I do think it can be hard though on onlys when thier parents are old/die, but of course that isn't enough of a reason in itself to have another child.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 17/08/2008 20:17

I'm not "hung up" on anything. I just want the best for my daughter. I worry that she will be teased because of her speech problem. I am very protective of her.

OP posts:
forevercleaning · 17/08/2008 20:25

who would teae her? The sibling or do you mean if she went to private school it wouldnt happen?

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 17/08/2008 20:29

People say don't have a child because you want a companion for the older one but surely that's what everyone wants? two children that get on well together?
There are women and teenage girls falling pregnant every day, unplanned, don't know who the father is etc.
We are loving married parents that want the best for our familly. I know that this isn't fashionable at the moment, and I will probubly be slated for having old fashioned values but there you go.
Maybe I think about things too much, but that's my only crime.
I admit I don't know alot about state primary schools. I am going to see a few in september and I'll probubly be plesently supprised.

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Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 17/08/2008 20:34

forevercleaning- It would be far less likely for her to be teased at her rprivate school, as the children know her. They will be in the same class all the way through, the school is very small and the teachers are very strict.
At any school where they don't know her, they are bound to say things like "Why do you talk funny?", this applies to state or private. That would really upset her.

OP posts:
forevercleaning · 17/08/2008 20:51

I can see your point MLL about already being in a school where the children know her and therefore unlikely to question.

I would hope that even in a state school they are only rising 5 and at that age children dont really notice anything different and just get on with it. Would there be any other children going to it that she knows at all?

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 17/08/2008 20:58

No, she won't know anyone. The school dosn't have a nursery either. My husbands nephiew and niece went there but they won't be there at the same time.

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hercules1 · 17/08/2008 21:03

I think you are assuming an awful lot about state schools tbh. You're better off trying to teach your daughter to deal with comments rather than trying to shield her especially as there are no guarantees she will be shielded anyway. CHildren are children regardless of it being a state or private school and there are plenty of strict teachers in state schools.
CHildren can also get teased for billions of things not just speech impediments. If you can afford private school, great, but if it would be a struggle, not sure why you'd do it to be honest especially if you did actually want another child and this was stopping you.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 17/08/2008 21:21

It is not a speech impediment. If they asked her she would try to tell them but they may not understand. All her speech is very distorted so communication is a struggle for her.
I admitted I don't know much about state schools. I've just looked on the website for our local one and I'm very impressed. I will take my daughter to see it in september.

OP posts:
falcon · 17/08/2008 21:27

Have another baby because you want it, not because you think your dd should have a sibling, you'll be raising it not her therefore it should be based solely on your desire and circumstances not on a 3 year olds whim.

I'm an only child, I was perfectly happy without a sibling and if I could go back I wouldn't change a thing, it is perfectly possible to be happy without a brother or sister.

CatherineWilliams · 17/08/2008 21:27

Private education is not all it seems!!!! It really isn't all parents think - I know i've taught in both private and state. I will be sending my children to the best local schools where they mix with a wide range of children from different backgrounds and cultures. i.e the real world!

Only have a baby if you want another baby, otherwise it's not right.

pgwithnumber3 · 17/08/2008 21:29

Sibling all the way. I too have had to remove DD1 out of her private school because there is NO way I would/could pay for 2/3 children to be in private education. She is about to start a state school in our area in September (Year 1, she did reception in private school) and she will do just as well as she would in the private school.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 17/08/2008 21:38

I suppose the pass rates at private schools are influenced by other factors too. There are bound to be more dedicated and well educated parents helping there children at private school. They can also afford extra tuition for exams.
I think a child with plenty of parental support will do just as well at state. (I hope!)

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Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 17/08/2008 21:45

Our local primary would take her in the winter and she would be 5. At her nursery, they start transition at 4.5. That would meen she gets her school uniform but only has it for 6 months before going to another school.
It's not the cost of the uniform that's the issue, it's getting her "big girl uniform" being all proud of it and expecting to go to the juniors with her friends.
In transition, they spend half there time at the junior school to get used to it.

OP posts:
JonahTakalua · 17/08/2008 21:50

children usually adapt to change far better than we parents think they will.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 17/08/2008 21:54

I hope so. I think it would be easier than letting her get to 7 or 8 and then changing her school.
That way, if we have a boy they can go to the same school.

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seeker · 17/08/2008 21:58

Sibling every single time.

Do I remember correctly that the school your daughter is at seems to think it's OK to humiliate a 3 year old for wetting herself...............?

callmeovercautious · 17/08/2008 22:06

If you forget the state/public school arguement.... I have similar issues with having another DC.

I want a family for DD, a brother or sister to play with, fight with and be a family to her when we are long gone. However I worry I won't cope for lots of reasons but I feel selfish, they are my reasons not hers or DHs reasons. However the longer I leave making the decision the harder I find it.

FWIW - if we only have DD we can send her to Public school. 2 we could not. However I would not make that a part of my decision making process.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 17/08/2008 22:08

Hi seeker.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 17/08/2008 22:13

The desission does get harder, as DH would love another one but I'm terrified of going through all that again and having my daughter to care for as well this time.
I don't want to leave it too late, as it'll be harder for them to play together.

OP posts:
JonahTakalua · 17/08/2008 22:17

My sister is nearly 13 years younger than me.
We've always been really close.
No need to rush the decision, assuming you're not already 55.

Cathpot · 17/08/2008 22:17

I can understand where you are coming from in terms of a certain ambivalence about a second pregnancy, although to be honest I didnt consider the finances. We will be in the state system with DD1 so that wasnt an issue and as my husband put it ' life as we know it is over, another one wont make any difference'. In the end it was me that was dithering. I fell for my first daughter so hard I couldnt imagine space for another child. I also am a worrier and having had one straight forward pregnancy and birth and a healthy child, almost felt I was pushing my luck to try again.
What tipped us over the edge into trying again was the thought of DD1 being an only child. In hindsight of course that's not really so rational as I know plenty of people who have siblings they cant stand, but both myself and DH have positive sibling relationships. So now we have DD2 and I love her to bits, and in fact enjoyed her baby stage far more as the second time I was prepared! I watched them playing together in the bath tonight and I am really happy we made that decision. Dont worry about loving a second child as much, I know it seems impossible but you will, so you can knock that off your 'against' list. Do think about how to handle the new baby coming to avoid jealousy but remember with 2 kids in the house you have instant playmates...

Clary · 17/08/2008 22:25

I clicked on this thread wondering if you really were debating whether to have another child or send the current one to private school.

Yes you were.

Fairly amazing really. No point asking me as I have 3 kids and they don't go to private school so my answer is obvious.

What do you want to do tho? If you only want one child, for whatever reason, don't have any more. I love my 3 soooo much and wouldn't be without any of them, but I also know a number of people who, for various reasons, chose to have just one and they are fine with it.

Please don't have another child just to give yr DD a playmate. Unlike you, I don't think I've ever come across anyone who's done that.

You run the risk of forever resenting the 2nd child and the money you've spent on them/agony of pregnancy etc.

Oh but don't quote that fecking book 3 socks etc etc, what a load of total crapola, well put it this way her experience is not mine (or that of anyone I know - not venturing out alone with 2 children until the younger one was a year old anyone???)

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