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Original poster

How do I handle this? Other parents screaming at me in the park

102 replies

WideWebWitch · 11/02/2005 10:33

Earlier this week on my way home from dropping at school I saw a child alone in the park. I asked him where his parents were and he shrugged. I asked him where he went to school and he shrugged, I asked him was he ok and did he want me to find his mum and he shrugged. I talked to him a bit more and checked he was ok. A woman passed and said 'don't worry about him, he always does this, his mum knows about it, he's here most nights too.' I said 'but he should be at school' she said 'no he shouldn't they know about him' and that was that. I talked to him for a few more minutes, there was NO adult around and then he walked off. A woman then came and shouted 'come here' to him a couple of minutes later and he went off with her. I recognised her from school and I didn't do anything else about it, as I decided after some thought that it was none of my business.

This morning his step father approached me in the park and told me I'd terrified him and it was none of my business, among other things. I said I was sorry but he was alone and I was worried about him. He is 7 apparently. I said I thought he was alone and was only concerned about him. He said I was lucky it was him, not the mother as she'd 'have killed me' Lucky old me hey? Then 2 women started shouting at me too and I had 3 people screaming at me in the park, near the school. I walked off in tears and a parent I know joined me shortly afterwards, having witnessed the end of this and walked home with me. I know they're worried I'm going to (or have) called social services from what he said 'this woman said you said you were going to call welfare' (I didn't, I said surely he should be at school) and I know they screamed because they felt threatened presumably but I feel really upset by this and tearful still. This happened at just gone 9am. What should I do? Options are:

Nothing, hope it blows over. Half term next week so I won't see any of them for a bit
Write a note saying I'm sorry they thoguht I was interferring but I was only trying to help but won't in future
Tell the school just in case anything else happens?

The other parent is a father and has offered to walk to school with me this afternoon so I'm not alone and I think I'll make sure I'm not for the next few weeks. Any advice welcome, I feel really upset about this. Inordinately, but it was SO aggressive and it scared me. I feel like a wimp.

OP posts:

JJ · 11/02/2005 18:30

Oh www, so upset for you that this happened! I would have done the exact same thing, especially the bursting into tears bit.

Even though the outcome wasn't great, you did the right thing, I think. It's so reassuring to hear stories like this (not the insane screaming, but your concern) - hope you're around if my little boy (7) ever looks lost.

suedonim · 11/02/2005 19:04

I'm sorry you've had such an upsetting day, WWW. It sounds as though there's a lot of weird stuff going on, tbh, which people seem to be aware of. Was the Head interested in your POV or did he not listen at all? At least it means someone is keeping an eye on the boy. I think the awful people will back off, having vented their spleen - guilty conscious maybe???

beansprout · 11/02/2005 19:09

www, as others have said, you did exactly the right thing, please don't ever apologise for that.

FWIW, if you get any more hassle (and I really hope you don't), please just imagine all of us standing behind you, knowing that we support you and that three shouty losers can't change the fact that you did the right thing.

Cod · 11/02/2005 19:12

Message withdrawn

WigWamBam · 11/02/2005 19:13

Just seen this, www, what an awful start to the day. For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing; too many people would have walked away. I'm amazed that the head didn't seem interested, but if there are other agencies involved, then hopefully they will treat the matter with more concern than he did.

So sorry you've had such an upsetting day; at least now it's half term you won't have to worry about this for a few days.

Jimjams · 11/02/2005 19:14

You did the right thing- It terrifies me that if ds1 wandered off and was alone in a park no-one would approach him for fear of interfering, and he could then end up dead under a car or something. PLease don't let these awful women put you off doing this sort of thing. Personally I'd inform SS anonymously- the family may well be known to them anyway.

Cod · 11/02/2005 19:20

Message withdrawn

leglebegle · 11/02/2005 19:44

god, some people are just so horrible aren't they? you were only looking out for the boy and you totally did the right thing. just ignore them from now on, you know the authorities are aware of them so you have to rise above. there are such scallies about, they are everywhere. i was walking to the shops with ds1 aged 3 the other day and he said 'hello' to a toddler (he talks to everyone) and the toddler said 'shut your face' but even worse the toddlers mother didn't bat an eyelid. i came to the conclusion there are just scum bags out there, the likes of you and I will never fathom them out. best avoided.

tigermoth · 12/02/2005 10:40

www, hope you feel better this morning and not too hungover (champagne is terrible for that, IME)

I read this yesterday and was thinking of you. Now you know other agencies are already involved with the shouting family, it takes the pressure off you.

They certainly reacted in an extreme way to you Perhaps they are at loggerheads with the social workers or whoever is checking up on them and their aggression levels are high. They were very out of order, but at least it might help you to think their aggression was a general thing, directed against anyone who they think is interfering.

And did you remember to wear the lipcote?

ScummyMummy · 12/02/2005 11:07

Hope you had a lovely evening to make up for your very very horrid morning, sweetie.

(btw, I think the head sounds like a chicken and suggest you make loud clucking noises every time you see him from now on. I bet he had just got a bollocking akin to yours and was keeping stum and tight lipped through fear. Understandable in a way but wet as a dripping wet thing. Your courage shits all over his, that's for sure. Walk tall)

WestCountryLass · 12/02/2005 11:47

I would call Social Services but I might leave it a while so they wouldn't link it to me.

batters · 12/02/2005 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SenoraPostrophe · 12/02/2005 13:24

scummymummy is right: you aren't a wimp, sounds like the head is. Or maybe he's just an @rsehole.

Hope you're feeling better today. As for turning a blind eye in future - please don't. If you do they will have won.

suzywong · 12/02/2005 13:26

You definitely did the right thing, of course you did

I think I know the kind of people you were up against, the yelling and the pack mentality, and there's nothing you can do to communicate your genuine good intent to them as they see you as the enemy no matter what you do.

very jealous about the snogging, oh for a night of snogging

Cam · 12/02/2005 14:47

Horrible situation www, feel for you. Don't bother writing a note or explaining yourself any further, some people cannot be reasoned with. As for the headmaster, seems he doesn't want to deal with you about the matter, probably because it doesn't reflect well on him that a 7 year old boy is playing truant. You have done your best, I would have nothing more to do with it now if I were you, simply because you don't need this crap and you have to protect yourself.

Original poster

WideWebWitch · 12/02/2005 15:06

Thanks all you sweeties. We drank champagne and ate and talked last night and actually, I'm not impressed with this head in general and his handling of this matter in particular, in fact I'm quite peed off that he said "I've heard the other side of the story (my italics)" ffs! He could have been a lot more professional. I also don't think the school is the loveliest and we're quite fed up of living in a crappy area we've decided. So we are probably moving to a nicer area with a nicer school. Only if we can ds in to one but I think we will. We moved to this part of the city because we HAD to find somewhere urgently as I was 34 weeks pregnant when we moved here but it isn't where we'd have chosen if we'd had more time. We'll stay in Bristol, just not here. I told my mum I won't be asking any lone children if they are OK in future but actually, I don't think that's true: I would do the same again. I feel happier today having made this decision.

OP posts:

Original poster

WideWebWitch · 12/02/2005 15:07

And no, cam, I won't do any more - I'm going to put my energy into getting us moved instead.

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marthamoo · 12/02/2005 15:08

Good for you, www. Sounds like some good may have come out of this after all if it's galvanised you into making some decisions about changing schools/moving house. Hope you enjoyed the champagne and snog-fest: you deserved it

Caligula · 12/02/2005 15:14

Good outcome then. Change is as good as a rest!

Beetroot · 12/02/2005 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

WestCountryLass · 12/02/2005 15:41

Where are youa gain WWW? I hope thats not where I am moving!

Original poster

WideWebWitch · 12/02/2005 17:19

WCL, Beety, I don't want to say here where exactly I am but I'll tell you if you CAT me. (Beety, Cod has my email address) We're renting so can move fairly quickly. WCL, I know where you're going from your other thread, we're not going to the same place but hope you get your offer accepted.

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Davros · 13/02/2005 19:37

www, how horrible. I think you are doing the right thing, putting your energies into what is good for you and your family, this may be just the spur. Personally I think those of us who behave decently should not let others change how WE behave iyswim. I did this once, much to my surprise, there was a wimpy kid who looked like he was being harrassed by a couple of homies so I stopped the car and asked if he was alright. He said he was but I wasn't totally convinced but the homies scarpered and I've seen wimpy since and he's OK. Don't know what I'd have done if they'd turned on me or if their vile parents had turned up or come to look for me!!!
I agree that the Head sounds like an arse, if he needs to be independent he could at least be understanding and just tell you he needs to be independent, I bet he wishes he didn't have to do anything one way or the other, too much hassle and he'll have to deal with the baying pack.

WestCountryLass · 13/02/2005 19:57

Did you get my CAT? How does this thing work? Will I receive an e-mail from you or is there a private message inbox somewhere I haven't found in my member profile?

Original poster

WideWebWitch · 13/02/2005 21:45

WCL, no, I haven't got it yet but I don't think the mumsnet team are around so much at the weekend so I'll probably get it tomorrow and will reply then (assuming you clicked on contact another talker at the top).

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