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Original poster

How do I handle this? Other parents screaming at me in the park

102 replies

WideWebWitch · 11/02/2005 10:33

Earlier this week on my way home from dropping at school I saw a child alone in the park. I asked him where his parents were and he shrugged. I asked him where he went to school and he shrugged, I asked him was he ok and did he want me to find his mum and he shrugged. I talked to him a bit more and checked he was ok. A woman passed and said 'don't worry about him, he always does this, his mum knows about it, he's here most nights too.' I said 'but he should be at school' she said 'no he shouldn't they know about him' and that was that. I talked to him for a few more minutes, there was NO adult around and then he walked off. A woman then came and shouted 'come here' to him a couple of minutes later and he went off with her. I recognised her from school and I didn't do anything else about it, as I decided after some thought that it was none of my business.

This morning his step father approached me in the park and told me I'd terrified him and it was none of my business, among other things. I said I was sorry but he was alone and I was worried about him. He is 7 apparently. I said I thought he was alone and was only concerned about him. He said I was lucky it was him, not the mother as she'd 'have killed me' Lucky old me hey? Then 2 women started shouting at me too and I had 3 people screaming at me in the park, near the school. I walked off in tears and a parent I know joined me shortly afterwards, having witnessed the end of this and walked home with me. I know they're worried I'm going to (or have) called social services from what he said 'this woman said you said you were going to call welfare' (I didn't, I said surely he should be at school) and I know they screamed because they felt threatened presumably but I feel really upset by this and tearful still. This happened at just gone 9am. What should I do? Options are:

Nothing, hope it blows over. Half term next week so I won't see any of them for a bit
Write a note saying I'm sorry they thoguht I was interferring but I was only trying to help but won't in future
Tell the school just in case anything else happens?

The other parent is a father and has offered to walk to school with me this afternoon so I'm not alone and I think I'll make sure I'm not for the next few weeks. Any advice welcome, I feel really upset about this. Inordinately, but it was SO aggressive and it scared me. I feel like a wimp.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 11/02/2005 14:18

WWW, I'm proud to know you. I don't know if I'd have dared to do what you did, but I would have reproached myself all day for not doing it. Good on you.

I'm genuinely unsure what I'd recommend now so I'll shut up.

Blu · 11/02/2005 14:22

WWW - really sorry to hear that such a horrible thing happened to you - I would be sick with upset and fear if that happened to me. Any normal parent would understand that another Mum would be concerned if a child was out on their own.

Sadly, the reason that you did the right thing in approaching the child, is that this little boy does NOT sound all right. He doesn't sound as if he is happy, o.k or well-looked after, and I wonder how many children who ought to be supported by SS have parents who scare off good citizens by their aggression.

Would it be possible to do the walk with the other Dad for a week or so, and if the two of you together see the child alone and unsupervised in the park, have a chat about a joint initiative to get some help for the little boy - or talk to the school?

soapbox · 11/02/2005 14:28

WWW - so sorry that you have had to put up with these awful people yelling at you!

I think what you did was admirable and were it any of our children who had become lost or strayed off, we would be very grateful to you!

I hope that these people are just reacting in a defensive kind of way and having said their piece will now back off.

It doesn't sound right though does it - poor little boy

Have you any little gang you can recruit to give you some support?

I don't really know what to suggest - if it were me I would be peeing my knickers every tiem I had to come across them again - so can understand exactly how you feel!

Original poster
WideWebWitch · 11/02/2005 15:02

Thank you everyone, it really helps. When someone is that aggressive (spelling? Looks wrong) it's hard not to feel you're in the wrong somehow. Coddy, I have FULL make up, including lipstick, on to go to school this pm and the father who is walking with me is knocking on my door in a minute. Hope he doesn't get the wrong idea I really am grateful for all the kindness here.

OP posts:
kid · 11/02/2005 15:04

Make sure you report back to us when you get return from the school. Hopefully it will all be forgotten about now.

Original poster
WideWebWitch · 11/02/2005 15:05

Will do kid!

OP posts:
Cod · 11/02/2005 15:06

Message withdrawn

donnie · 11/02/2005 15:18

you did the right thing and these people sound awful - they obviously know they are in the wrong. I honestly would contact the school and maybe ss as well because these matters need to be logged.Good luck.

winnie · 11/02/2005 15:58

www, good grief, what a horrible experience. How awful for you. Utterly incredible! FWIW I too think you did exactly the right thing. I think I would talk to the school if I thought the child was at risk but it is a very difficult one. Please don't let their intimidation change you. The world needs more people like you

franch · 11/02/2005 16:14

www, I havent read the entire thread but am appalled by this. I say definitely report it to somebody - this little boy is lucky it was you who approached him and not someone with another motive. I'm extremely worried about his safety and feel someone should be told, don't you? Also of course you should get whatever support you need, as it sounds like a very frightening incident for you.

Hugs.

hatsoff · 11/02/2005 16:50

I think you did the right thing too. I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to aggressive people and - like others have commented - would be scared that things would escalate if I did anthing/spoke to school/ social services . So, I just wanted to say that, although on the one hand there is an issue of the kid's welfare, on the other hand, if he's not at school - and persistently not at school, then the school will already be aware of it (and probably more than aware of what the family are like) so, you shouldn't feel the weight of some sort of responsibility here - you shouldn't feel guilty for doing nothing more. You did the responsible thing when you saw him and now you can back away if that's what you feel happiest doing. having said all that it's worth keeping a note in your diary (or on mn!) just in case there is any repeat intimidation. But keep yuor head up, knowing YOU did what;s right

MiriamR · 11/02/2005 16:59

www. That's dreadful!! and IMO you did exactly the right thing. If you are worried about repercussions from the family but feel that you want to do something, you could ring up your local community safety section of the police or council (co-located in many parts of the country) and report what happened stressing your fears at recriminations. IME they are very good at being sensitive to people's fears and doing things to avoid any identification of people who report things. Police and Education Welfare Officers regularly do truancy sweeps where they go out in public places looking for kids who should be at school (have been well publicised on TV etc in the past)and it could be arranged that they 'accidently' come across this child. Just a thought. Best Wishes

Original poster
WideWebWitch · 11/02/2005 17:13

Well, I walked past one of the screaming women on the way to school but she didn't say anything and ds's friend's father was with me anyway. A couple of mothers asked me what happened when I got there so I told them and asked if one of them would walk back with me. While we were in the playground the head came past so I asked if I could have a word and the minute he saw me he said 'Oh, I've already heard the other side' which, tbh, makes me feel as if I've done something wrong, when I haven't. He also said there are agencies involved and they know about this boy, who runs away from school sometimes. Maybe he's being shouted at too for not stopping that? Who knows. Anyway, the way he was towards me didn't help really (no sympathy, mention of 'the other side', wtf?) although it appears that the family are known to the school and outside agencies are already involved. I may move schools, I was already less than impressed with this head tbh. Thanks all.

OP posts:
Potty1 · 11/02/2005 17:18

The head sounds a bit like ours www (but that's another thread ) He could at least have had the decency to thank you for your concern.

Glad you were OK this afternoon though - the fact that other mums were chatting to you will hopefully keep the sreaming woman at arms length. Sounds like typical bully tactics to me anyway - fine in a pack but nothing on their own.

NameChangingMancMidlander · 11/02/2005 17:26

the head seems very dismissive . surely having heard 'one side of the story', she is obliged to hear the other side in order to know what happened. i'd be fuming at the headmistress if i were in your shoes

NameChangingMancMidlander · 11/02/2005 17:27

sorry, headmaster

emmatmg · 11/02/2005 17:39

Blimey WWW, what a nightmare.

Agree with everyone, you are completely in the right.

Your Head teacher sounds like an Arse!

Catwalk · 11/02/2005 17:40

The head sounds like a right cheeky git how old does he think you are 5? I think you done the right thing too and don't deserve this you sound wonderful and caring www xxxxxxxxx

kid · 11/02/2005 17:41

Glad nothing else happened when you went back to the school. I would of thought the headmaster would at least arrange a meeting with you to hear what you have to say.
Hopefully you can feel a bit reassured that there are agencies already involved in this boys case. Just as long as they are taking the case more seriously than the head seems to be.
Have a lovely half term and try not to worry about it. You have done what needed to be done.

soapbox · 11/02/2005 17:49

God what a F*wit of a head

Thought the parents were bad enough - what the hell is he on?????

Glad you were ok though

ks · 11/02/2005 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
WideWebWitch · 11/02/2005 18:10

Ks, we chose this school because there was a fantastic head. but he's gone now and I'm not impressed by this guy. I'm at the response, inadequate I think. So yes, we may move schools, which will mean moving house but actually, that would be no bad thing. Tonight dp and I are going to
Open the champagne in the fridge and maybe wine too if we get through that
Order a take away
Talk about our life plan
Snog a lot
All of which will, I think make me feel better. Mumsnet is fantastic and all of you are lovely (and that's before I've had a drink!) Thank you so much everyone.

OP posts:
iota · 11/02/2005 18:13

so the diet's on hold tonight then

roisin · 11/02/2005 18:21

Just seen this WWW - what a horrible thing to happen; what horrid people! I would be scared if this happened to me.

Hope you enjoy your evening

Roisin

champs · 11/02/2005 18:23

hi www, wat a horrible thing. As everyone says you have done nothing wrong, in fact you done everything right. I cant understand why the woman who told you not to bother about him started shouting at you. She's the one that said he's there at night too. horrible people, and the Head!! what a complete waste of space.
Only good thing is that agencies are involved so you dont have to do anything. Glad your friend walked with you. hope you feel better now.