The play group bully attacked my DS3...............

[emmatmg]

I'll probably get shot down for telling/posting this but I just had a "red mist" incident and want you see if you think I've over reacted.

The playgroup bitter/snatcher/pusher is followed everywhere by his mum or gran to stop the bite/snatch etc. They do an OK job as he is quite hard work so he's not watched the whole time. One bite to a baby today but nothing to serious, A few week ago it was a different story so one little girl he bite.

Ok, I know some children bite etc, and the fact that he's followed to stop it is good, they try to pre-empt(sp?) him. This is not the reason for my "red mist" though.

Right, he was on the top step of the slide with my Ds3 sitting on the floor behind him. DS3 was fiddling with the bottom step so I was hovering around to make sure his finger didn't get trod on. Fingers were the least of my concern!!!
The other child turned around, looked at ds3 and started KICKING HIM IN THE HEAD!!!!!!!!!!

I absolutley lost it. Scooped Ds3 up and shouted at the child somthing like "That is very naughty, you don't kick people" His Gran was over the other side of the hall at the time. She apologised but TBH, I was so mad I couldn't tell you what she said. She put the child in in buggy and the came back to say sorry again (asked if he'd drawn blood!) and I accepted her apologies but told her she should really do a better job of watching him.

I do feel quite embarrassed that I told him off but it was so vicious I just couldn't believe my eyes. If DS3 had been the kicker I would understand 100% him being told off my the mum and the gran seemed really embarrassed the whole thing.

Writting it all down now I don't think I did over-react BUT I suspect alot of other mums are talking about me now.

paolosgirl, todays grroup is quite big so I and my friends know about him, I'm not sure if all the mums are aware of him. Blimey after today they will though. Tomorrows gruop is much smaller and I know alot of mums are aaware of him. The gran was over than other side of the room at the time today so not close by.

Caligula, I am abit nervous about going tomorrow actually but more to do with awkwardness of seeing the gran again, it's normally the mum so I might not see her anyway. I don't think I'll be embarrassed to she her just worried that the little boy has another run in with ds.

Uggghh! it was so awful to see, not just becuse it was my ds but it just looked so intentional and cruel.

i have been on both sides here , my kids have been bitten hit kicked ect, and yes it makes me angry but my DS has also pushed and bitten in the past, he has autism but he is watched very closly and he has only ever been agressive when someone has been to close to him and he couldnt talk at that time, i have told him off and apologised as he wasnt able to speak, i would guess that that gran was watching him a lot because he may well have special needs she did apologize and she is probably still feeling awful about it as i have done that to, i would just try to ensure that you give the kid some space his reactions and behaviours may not be his fault.

The excuse for this sort of behaviour that really makes me see red is "Oh he/she's just tired." Well put him/her to sodding bed then, don't bring him to playgroup if this is what s/he's like when S/He's Just Tired.

Told one little horror once (who was about 4 and should have known better) that if he stamped on another child's fingers once more, I would stamp on his (I am no fairy, believe me). He looked a bit worried, but he stopped straightaway.

Oh its just so very difficult isnt it?
I would be utterly utterly mortified if it were my child who was the bully as you say.
Explanations of the fact that he doesnt witness aggresive behaviour and so i dont know where it comes from just seems to be completely futile.
I do however know for a fact that this will become the case eventually as it apears to be classed as almost "normal" toddler behaviour.
At present at 18 months ds hits me in the face and i can assure you that he has NEVER seen this behaviour any where and so i am completely dumbfounded every time he does it!
What is so very upsetting about your scenario is that your little one was minding his own buisiness an definitely did not deserve this vicious attack.
Call me overprotective but i would be just as angry as you were. If it were my child doing the bullying then i would be forced to pull him out of playgroup for a spell untill the behaviour has passed.
I understand where you are coming from completely.

Emma

Just so you know, my DS (just three) can be 'rough' (not as bad as the kid who had a go at your DS, but plenty of barging and the odd wild swinging arm) and I am completely comfortable if other people tell him off when he is being antisocial.

Similarly, I am happy to wade in and tell other kids if their behaviour is unacceptable (ie physically violent). My feeling is although we each have primary responsibility for raising kids, it's a much easier job if the kids get the message that these are universal rules, that every adult supports them and will enforce them if necessary.

Although, having said that, I know I do feel uncomfortable if DS is being told off for something I haven't witnessed: because obviously I always want to give him the benefit of the doubt, I guess.