Urgent Help and advice please

[Nic5689]

Help needed please

i need some advice or opinion on whether i should move.

I moved away from my home town 5 years ago. Recently in 5 weeks I gave birth to my son who’s stillborn, my granddad passed and now we are getting evicted.

my dad has offered us to move in with him back in my home town which is 4hrs away. Which means moving our whole entire lives. Apart of me wants to but I also feel like where I live now is home. There’s been alot of trauma in this area with escaping dv etc but I’m not sure if I should move back home

if I stay here and I get help from the council we will have to temporarily rehome my dogs which I think will affect the kids. But I’m worried moving them schools and out of their familiar area will affect them although they are 6,4 and 3.

I’ve never felt so conflicted in my life 😭

Sorry for your loss Op. Sometimes the best thing to do when you're not sure is to wait. Give it a couple of months before you decide as you are mentally not in the right place to make long term decisions.

Edited to add follow the advice to get rehoused and see how it goes.

What would be the long term plan for moving back home?

Does your dad have space to comfortably house you, three children, and your dogs?

So sorry for the loss of your son.

If it was me I would try to get rehoused with the council and not live with my dad especially with 3 kids. If they are settled in school/nursery then I’d want to keep it that way. The dogs I’d have no problem giving up.

I am so sorry for your loss too OP.

So my dad has a 2 bed house but is hardly there as he works away a lot but really we would all be in 1 room. He did say he’d consider upsizing. I just feel so much pressure and not sure what to do :( I can see pros and cons in both :(

I am highly considering that. Moving in with my dad provides financial stability etc but it seems very daunting. We don’t have any family where we currently are it’s just us which is fine always made it work but my family think I should come home with everything going on.

So my dad has a 2 bed house but is hardly there as he works away a lot but really we would all be in 1 room. He did say he’d consider upsizing. I just feel so much pressure and not sure what to do :( I can see pros and cons in both :(

Based on that, I would definitely stay put. Three kids and dogs in a two bed house will be more stressful for you, I would imagine.

To have all of you in one room would be immensely stressful for not just you but the children too.

Sorry for your loss 💐

If it was me, I'd try and get re homed with the council. If you are with your dad it may take you longer to get a property. The children are settled and keeping them in their normal routine, and in their school and nursery, will be beneficial to them at a time of grief.

Go to your dad's you need someone to help and it's a very generous offer, the kids will adjust quickly to new schools, etc and you keep your dogs. Unless you have some plan that would be better for you all, being homeless or in temporary accommodation will be no fun. Always assuming you get on with your dad. And it will be nice for the kids to be near family.

thank you. I get on with my dad which is a bonus. I think change is always so scary. I’ve got until tomorrow to really make a decision, it’s such a hard one

If it was me id get help from the council as you and the kids need your own space / house. If you move in with ur dad you wont be able to receive help from the council in the future.
Regarding the dogs, maybe your dad can look after them at his house until the council can house you ?

That way they would still be safe in the family and you can easily collect them once you have a place.
I have a dog and that's what I would do, I would not rehome her, I would ask a family member to temporarily house her. You can also visit the dogs while they are at your dad's house.
Rehoming the dogs would affect the children and also affect the dogs long term.

Thank you. My dad has said we can permanently live with him. X

My dad lives 4 hours away and works away a lot so can’t have the dogs neither can anyone I know :(

Why do you have to make the decision so fast?

You have legal rights, you should have time.

Are you assuming the council will rehouse you in suitable housing? Or are they looking at a b&b also in one room with no garden no kitchen?

Are the schools better by your dad?

He’s offered to upsize - another consideration.

We’ve known about this for about a month now but with everything going on I’ve been in abit of a pit and a whole. The new school only has 1 place available for my son and is only holding the space until Monday

The council haven’t said much other then it will start off being in a hotel.

the school is a lot smaller and I would say better.

You poor thing. So sorry about your loss and trauma.
In your shoes I'd go to dad, if you genuinely get on with him. It would give you a launch pad to find somewhere of your own in the future. I think after all you have been through you need to be close to people who know and love you.

What was the reason for moving away five years ago? Do you have friends in both areas? The children are young enough to make new friends.

Please make sure you never have any dogs.you would have to kill me before anyone took my dogs away!

I don’t agree with the whole concept of pets so don’t worry on that count

Go to your dad's. He's willing to upsize, so being a bit cramped is temporary, whereas you may be stuck in temp accommodation for months, without proper cooking or laundry facilities.

I moved when I was with my ex who I left for dv he’s my kids dad but still has such a hold over my life :( he’s where I live currently. He’s allowed to see the kids but can still be abit of a ….. he’s got no respect for my partner either. Sorry I’m ranting.

I don’t really have friends where I am more acquantices but friends in my old place of living where I grew up. All my friends and family are where my dad is.

Based on your update I'd say go for it then. So new partner- would he come too? Is this why you are conflicted?