When you realise your doing a very bad job at parenting.

[hownottodoit]

Have name changed because I am really ashamed.

Basically, I am not coping well as a parent and my dc's are suffering. My house has always been a bit chaotic, messy even, but since having third dc a year ago it has got very bad. It is a complete tip, and I hate to say it, but lately its un-clean.

I'm not feeling well today. This afternoon I fell asleep on the sofa, whilst my dd was drinking her bottle. I couldn't help it, I am exhausted, I get up before 6 and can't get to bed till after 12. I thought she would fall asleep too, but she didn't, and when I woke up I found her in the kitchen playing with the cat litter.

I feel like a shit mother. I want so much better for them, I want them to have a clean, tidy house, and for me to be wide-awake and cheery, but I just don't see how I can do it. I think they'd be so much better off with another mum. I don't want them to grow up thinking this is a normal way to live. What can I do.

oohhh hunni first off ((((((((((((HUGs)))))))))

we all have our moments!! your not a shit mum and your DC's would not be better off with someone else!!

I have 3 and own a pub and its mental i to know how it feels when you get up early and got to bed late you just mean to close your eyes for 2 mins.............

dont beat yourself up about it hun get a few baby gates and maybe a playpen then shove baby in there and no harm will come if you do happen to close your eyes for a few mins!!

Poor you its obvious how much you love them by your thread.Is there no way you can get help

Oh I had to reply to this!!

I have so so much empathy for you-I have had a shit day and I only have one DC!!! How you do it with three I will never know...

You sound exhausted-do you have a DP/DH?? Family?? I would happily come and blitz your house for you if you are near me?? I LOVE cleaning..other people's houses...not my own

It's really hard, don't beat yourself up about what happened. You need some help...

Aother one saying you'r enot a shit mum.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Sorry you are feeling like this - but believe me we have all be in situations like this. We are living in RL not a magazine where everything is perfect.

As my DD has so often observed "You didn't go to mummy school did you?"

I could have posted this, thankfully for all my family we can afford a cleaner and she tidies! I am really chaotic and get pissy when I can't find stuff and take it out on everyone. I am trying to go back to basics, find a routine I can stick to. I may even try the 'fly' thread.
A month ago I gave myself the chore of sorting through a room a week, gave clothes to charity, got rid of broken toys and sorted out drawers that were too full to close . It's beginning to feel better, the tidier my house the better I feel.
I assume dc is fine after the cat litter? So no harm no foul.
Write down all the things you do well, it's probably difficult to start but will get easier, do this every day for a week. Stuff like, dc2 laughed loads when I danced in the kitchen, I put 2 washes on today etc.
As mums it's really easy to concentrate on the things we are rubbish at!!

You need a rest.
Is there anyone that can take the children for a few hours, so you can have a rest?

You're not doing a bad job of parenting - you're exhausted and human.

Dp leaves for work at 7, gets back just after 7, eats dinner and falls asleep because he's so tired too.

I try really hard but now I just don't know where to start with it. I tidy one thing, turn around and something else is a mess. Nothing has a 'place'. It's just a nightmare.
Dd is into everything, and screams when I take her away. I'm totally drained and they really deserve so much more from me.

We've all done it.
House upside down as though just bombed and wanting to just sleep.
Have you anyone to help you at all?
How come you have such a long day?Sometimes you have to give yourself a shake and realise that no one is super mum and that it's ok to have sh1t days even months.
Support of the right kind can make all the difference.
See if a rel can have dc's for a bit and spend the time scrubbing the house.When they come back make sure that they help with house(even a one year old can play dusting)and make some time for you.Make a list of jobs that have to be done each day and ones that can be done every other day or once a week etc and make a rota of what you will do and when.It helps I promise I've been there

De clutter!!!!

I think most mums have felt like this sometimes. You sound really knackered. Is there anyway you can get away for 24 hours on your own and catch up on some sleep? I'm sure you'd see things differently if you could just get some rest.

Can you afford a cleaner? It might help you get feel less guilty about one thing (and you won't have to clean the cooker yourself!).

Under DH's watch at the weekend he heard a splish-splash before realising the baby was splashing in an un-emptied potty.
He's not a bad parent.
He's a great father.
Shit/Wee/Cat litter happens.

I don't think your children 'deserve' better. Yes they deserve a good mum but you are that. If you didn't care you wouldn't be upset buy your situation and you certainly wouldn't be looking to make it better.

DP isn't pulling his weight. Yes he is tired but these are his kids too. Your work isn't 7-7, it's around the clock.

If someone can't take the kids for you to sort house, can you afford a cleaner to come in and do a one off sort out so you can start from scratch??

Hugs xxxx
We have all been there at some stage or similar and my sympathy.
SLEEP is the best medicine for you and everything will become brighter, easier and less stressful if you find a way of tackling your lack of sleep. On those hours you are missing a night of sleep every week.. not great for you or your kids. If you have to get up at 6, then is there really no chance of going to bed earlier or a nap in the day?
As the house - tackle it when you have had a good nights kip. Try not to get perfectionist about it and start with simple basic things that will make you feel better and cleaner in your home - eg, just making the beds quickly, cleaning the loo and sink - already it will feel like progress. Easy to think that houses are black and white , either clean or dirty. Truth is that most are lingering in the middle. Just do the basics to feel safe and clean and give yourself a break and don?t stress about ironing knickers or bleaching tablecloths etc I find flylady a big help when I am having a bad week or two and feel lost in the housework. Always gets me back on track with its cheesyness.

Just read your dp's work hours.Does he realise that you work harder and longer than him?
It's time to make him realise that you have needs to and that although he needs his sleep so do you.Sit down and tell him before you run yourself into the ground as it will affect your health which will affect your dc's.
The fact that you hate the way things are is a sign that things have to change but also the fact that you are looking for an answer proves that you are the best mum for your dc's because you love them so much you want more for them.

Can't afford a cleaner. I know I need to declutter. I've bagged up loads of old clothes, but there aren't any charity shops nearby and I don't drive. Some of them are too good to just give away too.

I seem to have lots of things I think I need but no place to put them. We were very poor growing up and my mum drilled into us that you shouldn't throw things out, and its difficult to brake that way of thinking, but that's no excuse.

It makes me so jealous when I go to other peoples houses and they are clean and tidy, and smell nice, and feel all spacious.

Where abouts are you?? I could help...

hownot, One of our local hospices picks up.... I'm not advocating a cleaner, I know for some it's not an option but it did save my house. And I preach as someone that has achieved this decluttered and spacious house, not so. Talk to my dh it drives him crazy. I have started a 'one in one out' policy with toys and if there's no place chuck it, the children have too much anyway.
There's always trade it or ebay, both can be done online.

Thanks everyone, singingmum that's so lovely of you to offer but unfortunately I'm nowhere near you.
Feel a little less rubbish now, but still wish I could manage to get things straight. Dp does what he can to help, and is good with dc's, but he does work really hard, and has just got a new job (he worked away from home before)so I'm just grateful that he's here. Will check out the housekeeping threads for more practical advice, and in the meantime I've put the litter tray outside, so dd will just have to play with all the other dangerous, dirty things lying around

Are you near Norwich at all?

Twelvelegs - it isn't just as easy as decluttering.

Hownottodoit - I sympathasise hugely. I have 3 children too and feel I am doing a crap job. I spend too much time on here at times and my house is a mess. DS2 spends too much time watching tv and I am not organised at all. I have yelled at the kids today as I am fed up of them arguing with each other, hitting each other and back chatting me.

No chance of an early night either as DS2 is having his birthday tomorrow and there is all the prep for that to do.

Just take it a little at a time. Go through a room and decide one thing you are going to do - put all books for eample, and just take it steady. As long as the loo is clean and the kitchen is safely hygienic, your children will be fine.

Sorry, meant you Edie, no not near Norwich, I meant it was lovely of you to offer. See I'm so knackered I can't even read!

Oh right!! That's a shame.

It is, just looked at your profile, you and your daughter look so lovely, could have done with someone kind, smiley and good with a duster to come over .

Guess I'll just have to try harder myself.