When you realise your doing a very bad job at parenting.

[hownottodoit]

Have name changed because I am really ashamed.

Basically, I am not coping well as a parent and my dc's are suffering. My house has always been a bit chaotic, messy even, but since having third dc a year ago it has got very bad. It is a complete tip, and I hate to say it, but lately its un-clean.

I'm not feeling well today. This afternoon I fell asleep on the sofa, whilst my dd was drinking her bottle. I couldn't help it, I am exhausted, I get up before 6 and can't get to bed till after 12. I thought she would fall asleep too, but she didn't, and when I woke up I found her in the kitchen playing with the cat litter.

I feel like a shit mother. I want so much better for them, I want them to have a clean, tidy house, and for me to be wide-awake and cheery, but I just don't see how I can do it. I think they'd be so much better off with another mum. I don't want them to grow up thinking this is a normal way to live. What can I do.

Thanks Ruby, I'll join you on fly, definately sounds like my kind of thing.

maybe with some encouragement and practical advice I will at least have a path through all he junk so I can walk round without tripping up.

Oh and my ds has just pulled out a wobbly tooth, dropped it on the floor and now can't find it. Nice!

Hownottodoit, a friend of mine had three lo's and she had a girl from the local college come round for type of work experiance with babies and small children.

This helped her a lot as she got one afternoon a wek to get lots of cleaning and stuff done whilst the girl entertained the children. You dont leave them on their won at any time with your dc but the fact someone is there to keep the lo's ocupied is great.

Try your local college and ask whether they have a nursery training course and would they like some practice whilst your there ??

Thanks ivy, sounds good, only problem is my dd is very wary of strangers at the momment and tends to scream if anyone picks her up, she's only just stopped being like that with my mum! But will bear it in mind for the future.

It may take a while to set up and perhaps not till Sept - so maybe worth enquiring for then.

Something positive to look forward

everyone has there moments and dont be jealous, my aunt was really posh but put knickers under the bed

to your dc you are and always will be the best mother for them x

Hi Hownott

I have three dcs and know just how you feel - it can be overwhelming. Here's my advice FWIW;

GET SOME SLEEP!!Everything seems 100% worse if you are tired. Try to go to bed at the same time as the dcs, one or even two nights a week. Could arrange a couple of nights when your dp will take over even though he's probably knackered too. Even if you're woken up in the night if you've gone to bed early you will feel better the next day.I definitely think a couple of hours before midnight is worth four hours' after (mad I know but it wrkd for me)

I don't know how old your dcs are but really try to get them into some sort of routine - you need time when they are in bed just to enjoy some silence

Have a think about storage - I've got three big baskets and at the end of the day throw all the toys in them - the baskets are completely disorganised but at least all the crap is in one place.

try to organise some sort of system so that the dcs can help you - I have a basket for shoes and most of the time my dcs throw theirs in that so that we don't have that awful hunt in the morning for shoes. (weel most of the time anyway

Have a think about their clothes - the more you have the more there is to wash.Put them in the same thing two days running if theyr're reasonably clean

Every time you go upstairs bring something up that should be there and vice versa.

take the dcs out as much as possible - at least they're not making a mess and your spirits will be better

contact Homestart - When I was struggling I had a lovely older woman come and visit once a week - she din't judge or criticise but just played with the dcs (whilst I went upstairs and sobbed silently in the bath wondering what would become of us all)

Be kind to yourself - you sound completely normal to me - three is hard work! try to eat well and make sure you get them all out every day even if it's a walk around the block

I really hope this helps

lol at me gaily dispensing advice whilst my three are crashing from the bunk bed upstairs like demented baboons

NotAbanana, that wasn't my only post!!! Besides I have three of my own and one on the way, I am no stranger to leaving in chaos.

Thankyou what a lovely thing to say. I would have loved to help you...I know what is it like...

Sounds like you might be feeling a bit more positive

Is there any way that you could just chuck loads of your stuff out?

I go through periods when things get on top of me at home, and its often related to having too much 'stuff'.

It can be very therapeutic to just throw stuff out, working on the basis that if you haven't used it in the last 6 months, you probably won't do so again (this is very true).

I used to have attic and shed loads of 'stuff'. I'd cram stuff in draws and cupboards too. I found that it really stressed me. I then read an article that explained that psychologically, keeping all this stuff was 'mental cholesterol.'

Its also much easier to clean a house with less stuff in it!

The only way I found of working through all this stuff, was putting DD to bed quite early at night and sitting on the floor with a pile of black bin bags to RUTHLESSLY chuck stuff out. Also look at throwing out furniture and boxes which allow you to store stuff that you don't need.

Do you have a gate you could put on the kitchen, so DD can't get in there!

Don't worry, we've all fallen asleep when we were supposed to have been on duty!

I hope this helps!

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