Cosleeping with 3 year old and alcohol

[ZanyWasp]

Hi, I am in no way judging my friend but I just wanted some advice. She has a 3 year old, up until recently she's not drank alcohol as she cosleeps with her child. Now shes 3, she feels its responsibile to now have the odd glass of wine or 2 but sometimes even a bottle of wine whilst she continues to cosleep. Her argument is shes never drunk and always alert. Dont get me wrong, I dont think she would be drunk but maybe tipsy after a bottle. She feels its safe as the child is old enough now. She isn't a deep sleeper anyways apparently what's your thoughts? Do you stay completely teetotal u tol their in their own bed. I have this question as I have a 2 year old and cosleep but dont drink alcohol when he's in our bed.

Surely there is context to the speed of a bottle of wine being drunk. Quickly in the space of an hour or two you will obviously be impacted. Slowly over the course of the evening, say a glass started at 4pm with snacks, one with dinner and one after while watching a film isn’t going to make anyone inebriated enough to not be able to look after a child let alone sleep with them.

Unless you are used to regularly drinking that amount I would disagree with you. I drink wine regularly, but a bottle of wine over that period of time would floor me.

Look, nobody is saying it’s fine to be blind drunk in sole care of a child. But there is a very large spectrum between that and having a couple of glasses at home while your kids are in bed. We don’t have to be complete martyrs the second we become mothers.

This ^^ is spot on.

Theres only about 3 and a bit glasses in a bottle so having 2 glasses isnt that much less?

A bottle is excessive when cosleeping with a child, a 3 year old is still small and if the sleep is more of a stupor there is danger there.

Its just not worth it, a couple glasses fine but why risk going over the tipping point when your child could actually suffocate. I cosleep with my two year old as he's a dreadful sleeper and just wouldn't ever drink a full bottle or even a couple of glasses and sleep near him.

“I’m in no way judging my friend but…” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

a) A three year old is not a toddler
b) Why on earth are they still co-sleeping
c) Drinking a bottle of wine is fine. How do you think they cope in France 😆

That is absurdly unsafe

My advice is mind your business.

A bottle is 9-10 units and 6 units in 1 session is classified as binge drinking for women!!!! can you drink a bottle in 1 night??!! Being drunk in sole charge of kids is not safe . www.drinkaware.co.uk/facts/health-effects-of-alcohol/lifestyle-effects/binge-drinking

It’s fine till it’s not fine. Three year olds can wake up or need you. Wander around the house or if there’s a fire you need to get out quickly and safely with your child. It’s irresponsible and sounds like a drink problem if she needs an entire bottle.

Contrary to popular belief, we don’t do this.

I would judge too @ZanyWasp

If she wants to drink to excess then she doesn’t cosleep.

I could drink 2 bottles in a night 🤷🏼‍♀️ probably more on a night out. But what i can drink and what others can drink varies. Wine also varies in percentage of alcohol, some 6% and others 13%. We dont know what wine it is or the circumstances (with food or empty stomach, in an hour or over the course of an evening).
I can drink a bottle of wine and be slightly tipsy but not drunk.

At 3, I wouldn't be bothered- I think no matter how drunk you are you'd notice if you rolled onto a 3 yo. And at 3, they are strong enough and have enough of a survival instinct to get out of trouble if they are in any kind of difficulty. I've never known for a developmentally typical 3 yo to get up in the middle of the night and go hunting for food or letting themselves out of the front door, and they could do that regardless of if the mum is drunk or just a heavy sleeper.

Of course you shouldn't routinely be in sole charge of a child whilst drunk.

Hm, I love my wine but I wouldn’t cane a bottle with the kids in the house (and they are a good bit older than 3 now).

The cosleeping is a red herring. But someone needs to be able to wake up and respond if one of them is sick or whatever through the night.

You meet the definition of a binge drinker then , you really should think about cutting down, so many women presenting with liver disease these days.

Exactly, depends on the person. I can and have drunk a bottle of wine (three large glasses) over the course of the day and not felt drunk at all. I wake up at the slightest of things so I’m very comfortable in doing it.

I personally wouldn't. I'm not as alert with alcohol on me and I just feel it's not worth it, kids are a bit everywhere at this age. I prefer being in a place where I'm able to deal with a high temp or something. I am a single parent though. It could be different with another adult in the house

I am very capable of drinking a bottle of wine nowadays but I didn’t drink alcohol when my children were small because I couldn’t face dealing with them if feeling a bit below par !!

Yes, I feel the same way. I breastfed and coslept for a few weeks when my first was a newborn. Didn’t drink so much as a drop, but my husband (luckily) popped into the bedroom early evening and had to rescue our child as I’d fallen deep asleep with my chest over their face basically smothering them. It’s about the age of the child the guidelines are there.

I rarely drink but yes, when i do i binge drink. Im happy to do that a handful of times a year rather than drink a little more regularly. I think if anyone who drinks were honest, most would fall under the binge drinker category.

It is not going to be a cosleeping safety issue. The guidance around not cosleeping after drinking is for parents of babies, not 3 year olds. A child that age is not going to get smothered accidentally.
There are separate issues regarding how much alcohol you can/should drink while your kids are in bed, but that's nothing to do with her co-sleeping.

I co sleep with my 5 year old still mainly. I dont really drink , but I will have a glass of wine and go to bed on the odd occasion. So I went out Sat for dinner had a large glass of wine and slept with him .

Between myself and my DP one of us will not drink if we are out so we can drive in an emergency. But we are the only people I know who do this .

It is in my house. DH and I share a bottle of wine, and he uses wine measures to pour it out. He is careful about his drinking as he has had extensive heart surgery.

I could drink 2 bottles in a night 🤷🏼‍♀️ probably more on a night out.

Does that not worry you @ScartlettSole ?

I think if anyone who drinks were honest, most would fall under the binge drinker category.

No, I don't think so. DH and I share two bottles of wine a week on average.

Why would it worry me? If i did it every night or week then yes it would be a concern, but on a night out now and then, no it doesnt bother me at all.

I don't think it is neglectful OP in the sense that the 3 year old wouldn't get squashed or suffocated by accident during sleep.
But I can't quite comprehend how could a woman drink a whole bottle of wine and not get even a little bit drunk? I'm assuming the drinking takes place throughout the evening, not started at 10AM.
Even drinking 1 glass of wine really makes a person smell. 100% true. People can deny it all they like. Brushing teeth etc doesn't remove the smell. And the room smells of alcohol in the morning still (unless, I guess, windows are open overnight?). This one detail alone makes the whole scenario unpleasant for a child.