Cosleeping with 3 year old and alcohol

[ZanyWasp]

Hi, I am in no way judging my friend but I just wanted some advice. She has a 3 year old, up until recently she's not drank alcohol as she cosleeps with her child. Now shes 3, she feels its responsibile to now have the odd glass of wine or 2 but sometimes even a bottle of wine whilst she continues to cosleep. Her argument is shes never drunk and always alert. Dont get me wrong, I dont think she would be drunk but maybe tipsy after a bottle. She feels its safe as the child is old enough now. She isn't a deep sleeper anyways apparently what's your thoughts? Do you stay completely teetotal u tol their in their own bed. I have this question as I have a 2 year old and cosleep but dont drink alcohol when he's in our bed.

At that age I would a happily cosleep and drink. I couldn’t drink a bottle of wine regardless of cosleeping.

ive had a glass of wine or two and co slept. Never a bottle but as per PP I wouldn’t ever drink a bottle myself pre or post kids

I co sleep with my 3 year old and will often have a drink at the weekend. I’m never blackout drunk of course but yeah I’ll have a glass or two of wine. At that age it’s not a risk, it isn’t a newborn baby that you can roll on and they’ll be stuck. If anything my dd spends most of her time rolling on top of me.

No doubt there’ll be lots of tea totallers/perfect mums jumping on board to validate your judging and tell you it’s disgraceful but I really don’t think it’s your business.

Would you say a bottle is excessive though? Surely being tipsy isn't good with a toddler in your bed. Is it safe? The guidelines say otherwise

A three yr old can move out of the way. The danger in collapsing lies with babies who can’t.

No doubt there’ll be lots of tea totallers/perfect mums jumping on board to validate your judging and tell you it’s disgraceful but I really don’t think it’s your business.

People are perfectly entitled to express their opinion, even if it differs from yours.

And to dismiss peoples valid concerns about child welfare as " non of your business " is one of the reasons why so much child abuse and neglect and cruelty goes unreported because people are deterred from reporting it because they are labelled busy bodies.

I personally wouldn't, if you walk in to the bedroom of someone who has been drinking the night before it absolutely stinks, I don't think that would be fair for the toddler, but then alcohol is something I can easily live without.

I think after a bottle she probably would be quite drunk, especially if she’s been teetotal for the last 3 years and she probably smells boozy. I personally find that excessive and a bit gross, best saved for when you’re not on parenting duty. A glass or 2 is no issue though. I’m sure loads of people must cosleep after that even if it’s unplanned like you had a glass with dinner and the toddler wakes unwell at 2am and won’t settle back in their bed.

I don’t think there would be a problem safety wise but it seems a bit gross to drink that much and share a bed with a toddler. You’d reek. A glass or 2 maybe.

In cases of actual neglect, I agree. But this is not that.

Of course it’s safe! What do you suppose the danger is?

I’m not tea total nor am I a perfect mother, but safeguarding is everyone’s business. I guess my benchmark would be how much you can drink if driving.

So what is actually the issue, in small words please explain apart from pearl clutching what is the actual danger?

There’s something pretty grim in one’s thinking if one goes by the premise that a 3 year old is capable of moving out of the way of an inebriated adult in bed. What should a child have to sleep in the same bed as an adult who’s been drinking? FFS just put them in their own bed!

Drinking a bottle of wine then getting into bed with a child smacks of neglect to me.

Interesting that you equate child safety to pearl clutching.

The co sleeping part isn’t the issue. It’s not as if she has a new born that she could roll on to and suffocate. A 3 year old is absolutely fine.

However I would not drink a bottle of wine whilst in charge of a child but she may have a higher threshold for how it affects her.

Why? What is the danger? It may be unsavoury but it doesn’t make it neglect. The child wouldn’t even know.

What is unsafe about it then?

The co sleeping not unsafe with a 3-year old, they can move out of the way or wake mummy up. However I wouldn’t be drunk while being responsible for a child. The sleeping would be the least of my worry, I’d be concerned that I don’t react quickly enough to potentially dangerous situations.

It isn’t. I suppose it does sound a bit unsavoury especially to people who don’t drink at all. But rather than just accept that people do things differently to them, they have to turn it into a case of neglect/criminal activity/morally reprehensible etc etc. It’s generally how MN works.

Why is it pearl clutching to think that necking an entire bottle of wine in one evening while being responsible for a toddler is not OK?

I enjoy a glass or two of wine, but I never drank an entire bottle when DD was little. I don't now either as I couldn't manage it, but I agree that if there is no other (sober) adult present then drinking a whole bottle of wine is irresponsible.

I am tea total - I love tea, but I am not teetotal (sorry, I couldn't resist that one).

Really? You can’t see how being drunk in charge of a 3 year old might be unsafe?
Let’s see - for a start, the child may very well get up whilst their drunk parent is fast asleep, go down stairs, open the door and get out of the house, help themselves to something from the fridge, climb up in a chair to get into a food cupboard, all of which could result in them getting hurt or lost.

Whilst some other MNers believe it’s ok to drink or take drugs whilst supposedly in charge of a child. Takes all sorts I suppose.

I think most people would agree that being blackout drunk while in charge of a small child isn’t safe or advisable.

The point the op was making was about unsafe co sleeping. Which doesn’t apply with older kids in the same way it does a newborn and certainly isn’t a neglect issue after a couple of glasses of wine.

The example you gave about kids sneaking out of the room while the parent is sleeping is poor and could happen any time. It could also be easily prevented with a stair gate. I still use one on my bedroom door for that exact reason.

Look, nobody is saying it’s fine to be blind drunk in sole care of a child. But there is a very large spectrum between that and having a couple of glasses at home while your kids are in bed. We don’t have to be complete martyrs the second we become mothers.