Will you watch "A Revolution in Childhood" and then come and discuss it

[Twiglett]

it's 90 mins long www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/page/item/b00byhz2.shtml?src=ip_potpw

fascinating so far

"Following 48 hours in the lives of 22 British children to see what they get up to, as a panel of childhood experts try to determine if childhood in Britain really is in crisis."

with Queen Tanya Byron and other experts

it's about looking after your children too closely, and worrying about them too much .. I'm guilty .. I'll bet you are too

but that's what the documentary is discussing really SEA (you should find some time to watch) .. the fact that we shouldn't be supervising them so much

ie being in a 'safe' place is not the best thing

twig I know, that's my only worry too, but think abou tit, how oftewn do you hear of children falling and breaking their necks? Much more common to break a wrist or arm or leg. We need to focus on protecting our children from real likely accidents, but ease off when it comes to accidents that are most likely not to happen.

EachPeach I think the directed talk comments where just observations, with no negative connotations attached to them. They where just stating the findings, which where that most parents use directed speech most of the time.

If I'm honest, one reason why I don't want my children doing adventurous things and risking breaking bones is because what would I do with them if they did? I have to go to work - I can't take ages off to nurse someone on crutches.

yes i'll watch it, hard to comment when i haven't. why isn't safe the best place to be?

yep that's the thing, SEA, playschemes aren't giving them a chance to take risks, push their limits, explore their owm limits of how much risk they are willing to take without the supervision of adults hovvering around ready to 'help' at the first sign of trouble or distress.

because they don't learn abou t oboundaries or conflict resolution if they are always 'safe'.

could anyone tape it and send it to me????? I meant to watch is and forgot all about it. I actually let my dc far more than most others, the only thing I get nervous about is them crossing roads safely because there is a lack of crossings and very very busy.

no they've changed, now we just let them get on with it. there are a list of risks we have to make sure are available to them. we don't hover over them at all. conflicts are left to the children to sort out between themselves.

OH I'd love to see this. maybe they'll show it here

had a great weekend for free play at this house, took 3 year old up to the big park on the hill yesterday because we had loads of snow, stacks of other children, stacks of friendly dogs, she was able to play happily for a few hours in glorious sunshine doing exactly what she wanted in the snow whilst I took snaps of the mountains/sea. I did think 'this is what childhood should be all about'.

am so hoping I will be able to let them do things by themselves and not be over protectice like my mother was - not sure I'll manage it though. Was at friends in the country (v.small town) on Friday and she rang up school to get her 6 year old to walk home by herself - I thought that was great, can't see that happening where we used to live in London. (traffic more than anything else)

can't you watch the iplayer link in the OP cargirl

My dd1 has just turned seven, I couldn't imagine her doing a trip like your boys do in two years' time tbh. At 9 I might let her go to the corner shop on her own.

Thinking about it today I am wondering if positive childhood experiences really are compromised that much by taking place under supervision? Okay so children spend less time just "roaming", but we spend a lot of weekends going for days out and all really enjoy it, isn't that something they gain from as well?

It does so depend on your setting though. There are risks, and risks need to be considered and assessed and allowed for if necessary. But that doesn't mean you don't go ahead and do it anyway.

You take little steps. My boys first went to the letter box which is at the end of the street and a minor road to cross. And I stood at the garden gate and watched them, but then as they practice their skills and become more confident I no longer needed to watch them. When they first played out in the street I watched them constantly, then checked on them every 5 mins, then less and less.

A few weeks ago one weekend I shouted up the stairs about 3 times for ds2 (8) to come for his tea, before dh said "Didn't he go out to play with "Bob" about 2 hours ago?" Now, I know that makes us sound like a dreadful, neglectful parents. But we're not. We spend loads of quality time with the boys, but they also have lots of freedom within certain boundaries, and we are very relaxed when they are out. No doubt the DM would have a field day with us if they did have an accident or went missing whilst out. But it feels 'right' and 'healthy' for me for us.

Having said all that there are many places in the UK that I wouldn't allow a teenager to be out alone. It depends very much on your setting.

Issy, well done for letting your DCs have the freedom to roam like that! I think you are right, climbing on the stepped wall is exactly the kind of risks I think they where saying children need more of. Adventures that involve an element of danger, as hard as it is for us as parents to leave them to it, is exactly what they need.

It sounds like you have the right attitude and with a bit more practice and experience of leaving them to it your anxiety will subside, as you will be more confident that they won't come to too much harm

I agree roisin, it depends on the setting and children need to be given the freedom in small steps, along with having the skills to navigate this freedom safely. Rather like learning to drive. Roads are dangerous places, but with enough training and practice we hope we can drive on our roads safely without worrying about accidents the *whole time.

Emkana I don't think positive childhood experiences are compromised by supervision, they just result in different experiences. Children behave differently when only in the company of other children compared with when they are with adults, and the point being made was that they need a variety (or a balanced diet at TB put it) of experiences and opportunities, from structured activites, to things involving parents, to unsupervosed free play. It's all about balance.

I also think many towns are experiencing considerable problems with 11-12 yr-olds who have never had any freedom/independence at all. Then suddenly 'come-of-age' when they go to secondary school and demand to be let out. But they have no idea/experience of moderating their own behaviour and behaving responsibly. Coming as this does in tandem with the onset of hormones and the importance of winning peer-opinion, and the decreasing value of adult views; it is a recipe for mayhem and disaster.

My dc - although one is no longer a child, have had more freedom and this is down to the fact that my own father has been very involved in their upbringing - therefore has instigated freedom that I was aloud as a dc.

At times I have biten my lip - worried, but knowing that I had this freedom I have felt that they should be able to live aswell and experiance childhood in a childs way. I have seen other parent slook at the freedom my dd's have and felt they dissaprove whilst they keep there dc in the house and I let mine out to play

Smiles at the comment of broken bones and time of work - my dd fell of a curb, so no adventure there! I took her to school in the car (although she wanted to walk/hop - 1 mile and a bit) and went to work when she broke her leg.

If you dont experiance danger when you are a dc then how do adults that have never faced any type of danger cope when they are faced with it?

sorry allowed as a child,

I think we need too to be aware of children growing up. 7 is very different to 9. But 7 is also very different from 5.

At age 4-5 many children first learn to put their coat on by themselves at school, because the poor teacher/TA can't possibly help 30 separate children. But actually they could have learned to do this at age 2-3.

I've watched parents dressing/undressing children for swimming at age 7-8. My boys could do this completely independently by age 5, if not earlier.

You just need to recognise that they are growing older and their skills are developing and increasing.

Giving children more freedom and independence does take giant leaps of faith and trust and courage, but more of us should take such steps IMO.

I watched a bit of this and felt very sad really for all those children trapped in the house. We are very lucky to be living in a small village with lots of footpaths and a real culture of letting children roam. Yesterday dd1 (8) met up with a friend (same age) and they went to the river (small, shallow and slow-moving)to look for stones and bits of old pottery. She came back very wet and muddy, proudly brandishing big shards of Victorian pots and now thinks she's an archaeologist.
Today she was out all afternoon - at the playground, in the fields and at a friend's house. I didn't know exactly where she was, but I knew she would be with friends from school. Of course I worry - but I try to not let it stop me from giving her the freedom I had as a child and that so many other children here in the village have. It would be a lot more difficult if everyone else wasn't allowed out. As it happens, we live next to the river and I often see small groups of children on their own on a walk or off for a swim in summer.

agree issy

online and console gaming is not the same value as 'play' imo

found Tanya overbearing and quite patronising to parents actually. dp and i both seriously 'went off her' during the show. over scientific 'congnitive' bullshit

overall good though - loved Winston and found the literature woman informative

I thought the stuff about play was very interesting. I expect that by the time my children are 9 I will allow them more freedom, but at the moment I am almost always with them (they are 4 and 18 months). I would love it if they could roam around the fields like the Scottish boy. If we go to a playground, DS is happy to play with whoever is there, but there are always parents around. If he does something like go the wrong way up a slide therefore blocking another child, I feel I have to intervene, but this is more for the other parent's benefit than DS's. There are plenty of threads on breaches of slide etiquette and badly behaved children at soft play centres on MN. Its not easy to let your children sort things out for themselves as suggested on the programme. I am always with DS and I find it very difficult not to imagine that his every move is being assessed by other adults (and obviously most places we go to have loads of other adults).

There is another aspect to this: I feel that with school and organised activities, and my children going to other people for "play dates", there isn't that much time to be together anyway, so I really really want to be with them at the weekend, and even more importantly dh wants to and I want dh to have that time with them which he doesn't get in the week. So I wouldn't want them to be out and about all day without us... because I would miss them... [pathetic emoticon]