Ds has skiped a lesson today and it’s his first day back and I am not impressed!

[TheGiddyHedgehog]

His school called me earlier saying he has a detention for skipping lessons he has just started year 8 and last year he was getting told off lots and he had lots of detentions . My older daughter who’s in year 11 said she saw him come past her classes lots in lesson times today only once with a teacher I am not impressed it’s his first day back as well .

I just don’t get why he is doing this the school rang me every day last year about him when I was always busy he doesn’t have any needs or anything so he can’t learn so I just don’t get it. Even the teacher on the phone was saying he has a lot of potential he just doesn’t do it or come to lessons .

Be prepared for the meeting. Tomorrow will be hard for him, but go in with pointy elbows and facts.

He has missed a significant amount of school.

He is showing avoidance behaviours.

The trust has broken down between the school and him and they need to make that right or declare that they can't meet his needs.

They are ignoring blatant signs of neurodivergence, and in your posts alone you've written a lot that indicates it could be ADHD, and you would like their full cooperation to have this investigated.

He is showing clear signs of not being able to access a curriculum, because his support needs are unmet.

You're aware his struggles started at the transition from primary to secondary. This is a big red flag. It is a notable period where a change in responsibilities and expectations present in children with undiagnosed neurodivergence.

They're issuing punitive measures to a child who is really struggling and this is impacting his self esteem. They need to seek correct guidance for his individual circumstance rather than follow an arbitrary process that does not incentives attendance.

Forced attendance by way of having an escorts round school is likely to increase his anxiety and emotionally based school avoidance. - He's already told you he is stressing about this. His mental health is in tatters. He's displaying key signs of needing social, emotional and mental health support from the school.

Stating things like "well he cant access an education if he isn't here" is further placing the blame upon him. Why would a child want to go somewhere that they've been made to feel shame repeatedly by way of exclusion and suspension when there were clear signs that he was struggling with the transition and those needs have not been met and have now spiralled.

Email the LEA. State something like "My son has had over 15 days of absence due to emotionally based school avoidance. Under section 19 of the Education Act 1996 the local authority has a duty to make sure he receives a suitable full time education for him. Please confirm what provision will now be put in place."

You have made all of that up from assumptions. This is what schools are up against, this kind of constant blame instead of support from home too.

There is always a reason for this type of behaviour. I worked as a behavioural specialist and lost count how many parents said no reason. What's been happening at home, in his life etc since he started last year? If it happened last year and he was ok at junior school apart from starting secondary something is definitely amiss. I personally wouldn't punish him but someone needs to get his confidence. Good luck.

Where’s his father?

I think you need to give him a choice.
Choice 1: he gives a valid reason for not attending classes or he attends classes
Choice 2: If the result of choice 1 is that he attends classes, and he doesn't, then some poor teacher will have to babysit him between every class. He has a week to turn things around before the babysitting kicks in.

I would not be 'not impressed' at this point, I would be frantic.

You need an urgent meeting with the school SENDCO. He needs support from school and also from home.

I agree. Of course there is a reason. He just isn’t communicating the reason with you! There should be conversations between you and him, his teacher and him and all of you together to get to the bottom of it. Perhaps he’s being bullied? Friendship issues? Finding some classes uninteresting? Pushing boundaries to get some attention? There will be a reason. You need to work harder to get to the bottom of it.

My first thought was is he unable to cope with the schedule. It doesn't seem as if he's meeting people with mates and causing havoc, more jist trying to escape?

Saying this as a secondary school teacher and parent. Breaking rules isn't automatically revelling, please try to find out why.

Oh and also there are just those who do it for fun, which also needs to be addressed of course.

He only went to school for 2 days in year 7?

@TheGiddyHedgehogHow did he go yesterday?

This!
Unpopular to say on here of course, but boys need their fathers! . Before getting all ‘pointy elbow’ at the meeting as suggested above, far more productive to nurture that relationship.

That's horribly unfair. She is allowed to be frustrated - persistent non attendance can be incredibly hard on the parents. And perhaps she also has to work, to put food on the table and a roof over the family's head? Ir can be very tricky if you need to work full time yet have a child in constant serious trouble at school. I have seen friends go through it and I wouldn't envy anyone....

Do they? Let's hope she didn't conceive him due to rape then, or that his biological father didn't abandon the family and disappear without telling them where he is.

Children need loving, responsible adults. Some father's can be that, I agreed vast numbers are not, and actively do more harm than good.

I cannot accept that it's only possible for children to function properly if there is an adult with a penis in the house, regardless of the state of said man......

Well unfortunately for you the research shows that the lack of a male role model for young boys means they are far more likely to suffer from behavioural problems, struggle with emotional development, and struggle academically.

So @LupaMoonhowl is entirely correct.

And typical MN man-haters such as you are not.

What on earth makes you think a child who is absconding from every lesson and who the school have offered a full time 1:1 doesn't have additional needs? Do you know how hard it is to get a 1:1 in a mainstream school? It's basically impossible without jumping through a million hoops and usually after you've fought with the local authority for an EHCP. For them to be throwing a 1:1 at him means there's additional needs. Hell, the fact that he feels the need to avoid every lesson means there's additional needs.

He currently can't learn, and you and the school need to work together to find out why and make it possible for him to attend.

We have a grandson who was like this at school and just would not engage. This continued until he left school at 16. Joined the Forces, trained as an engineer and now is a different person. Now highly qualified. Came good in the end but dealing with the issue at the time was a nightmare. Sorry, don't know what to advise, but hopefully will get better.

His teacher took him to all his lessons and a couple of girls in his year helped him do his work though out lessons he was very embarrassed about walking around with a teacher and if he wanted to go toilet the teacher had to go with him and wait outside for him .
He gotten into a fight yesterday with a new year 7 as the year 7s came back in Thursday like him as they said would tell on him and his mates for being in the wrong place at lunch and he got one warning in a lesson I had a meeting with his head of year after school and she said he will be in lessons all the time because of his teacher going with him .
And that it will take time to get him settled down she said she has had a few girls volunteer to help her and they will be helping him in lessons they are in all the girls have a lease 1 lesson his teachers and his teacher that goes round with him will help him to.
He told me he doesn’t like how his teacher goes round with him and is with him constantly he looked really down about it again yesterday.

There's an easy way for him to avoid the embarrassment, isn't there?

Go to lessons reliably and do the work all the time, every day, without picking on smaller children just out of primary on their second day at the first opportunity.

What sort of school is this where they're roping in children to make another child go to his lesson, as well as providing him a 1:1 without any form of EHCP or SEN support plan? And without ever having a meeting to discuss it with his parents?

I don’t think we’re getting a very clear picture from the OP regarding what’s happening re the support plan school seem to be endeavouring to put in place.unfortunately we’re not able to hear the school’s side regarding this,
I would suggest to the OP that she asks for a meeting with school, takes in someone with her, if possible, who can help her understand what school are planning, include her son in the meeting and ask for a written transcript of the meeting and agreed outcomes.

What does ‘serpented’ mean? Is it ‘suspended’? If it does, what happens during these suspensions? Are you able to be at home with him? Do you or his primary carers work? This must be difficult for you to manage if so

I would agree with this we are missing some information here. This situation is obviously not getting better, you need to be going into school, meeting with them, and working with them, not just casually saying they rang every day always when you are busy. To be honest if it was my son I would be moving heaven and earth to get to the bottom of the reason for this and if there is genuinely no other reason (which I doubt, there must be something) or anything going on then I would be in school sitting with him in lessons myself.

I certainly wouldn't be expecting other pupils to babysit him, that's outrageous. He also shouldn't be "getting into fights" for heavens sake. Get to the bottom of this OP before he is bigger than you has had years of disrupted schooling and the damage is done.