sorry abit of a long one. Guess i’m just looking for some advice and to offload a little.
My husband and I met in 2010 and got married in 2013.
He is a good looking man and I do always joke that he is the good looking one from the two of us. He does get attention when we are out here and there. He isn’t into his looks or vanity as such but does take care of himself.
I am generally quite insecure and always have been about myself and my looks. I wouldn’t say i am conventionally pretty but i wouldn’t call myself “ugly” either. My husband tells me that I don’t realise how pretty I am and I should love myself more - and some have said my height and figure is to die for (5’7) but i hate when people say things like that because I hate compliments and i often don’t believe it anyway.
My husbands mother has never really liked me, and was not one bit happy when he revealed he was going to propose.
Her reasons were that i do not have a degree ( i have a brilliant well paid job which I love ) and that I am not pretty enough for him and that she has “ many other potentials “ he could have married who were much prettier.
They are quite well off and very materialistic. Even after we were married she would make comments to me about how she wanted to introduce him to so and so family friend because she felt they were better suited. As if it wasn’t bad enough his mother making comments, his sisters and family members started with it too.
They would invite these “potentials” for dinnner whilst we were there and expecting me to just sit through dinner happily.
After all of these years im still hearing how he could have done better and honestly i just hate myself even more.
I wish i had thick skin to get over it or speak up, or I wish i loved myself enough to ignore it and have some self respect - sadly i dont feel i do.
My husband isn’t an affectionate person as such, but does try to reassure me as much as he can but i feel it isnt enough. i feel like i need constant reassurance that he loves me and wants to be with me me or finds me a attractive etc. He finds it ridiculous that he constantly needs to profess his love and loyalty to me because im feeling insecure. I feel like he could definitely do more but he often avoids talking to his family because of the fallout that would happen soon after.
It makes me paranoid when he is out or on a weekend away with his friends and his mother will often say things i hope he finds the one this time. I confronted her and said you want your son to cheat on his wife? she laughed and said dont be ridiculous and left the room.
Honestly typing this out has made me realise how ridiculous and childish this all is.
Iv been a victim of abuse from a young age and i think this where my insecurities started from. i know there isnt anyone that can make it go away but would anyone have any advice in how i should navigate this. My inlaws bring out the worst in me and its really affecting my mental health. The “looks” part and insecurities are a huge factor but they play these awful mind games and i feel like i dont have it in me to fight this.
My inlaws live a street away from me so they come over all the time - hence why i cant avoid them 💀