What am I supposed to think here?

[need2ventmama]

Hi, I really want to hear other peoples’ opinions on this. I come from a family where my parents really and truly go above and beyond for my brother and I, and always have done. Both of us are married with children. My parents aren’t rich or anything, but they’ve always wanted to provide what they can; so for example, we were doing up our house; they gave us some of my dad’s pension pay out to help pay our mortgage off and do our garage, they gave us a small sum when we got married etc etc, their providing isn’t just money; my dad has literally helped transform our house, he does bits that make a difference that my husband would honestly never bother to do. He and my mum support a lot like cleaning, cooking etc to make our lives easier given we went with the whole 3 under 2 thing! My in laws however, don’t really do anything. They do however, since having kids, enjoy time with our children. I don’t really have any expectation of them to do anything as I know my parents love language is different to many peoples which is fine. Anyway, just painting a picture for you.

so anyway, my dad used my husbands sliders to do some garden work, and my husband is extremely pissed off that he keeps using them. To be honest, I didn’t think it was a big deal? I get it’s annoying, but I see a bigger picture that the man is doing so much for us, and my husband does f all around the house. He irons and mows the lawn and that’s all he does, the rest is all me to be honest.

I feel really awkward about my dad. After maybe 4 times wearing them, my dad finally asked if it’s ok he’s using them and offered to get my husband a new pair. I told my husband to show him that my dad isn’t some monster, and he’s kicked off even more saying it’s worse now cos my dad knows it’s wrong?

it’s an effing pair of sliders!!!!!! Am I being out of order?

Hmmm…being honest, I would hate anyone else putting their feet in my shoes. But maybe that’s simply because I hate feet 🤢

So your dad borrowed the sliders to work in your garden. No of course not! Your husband should fuck off. Tell him to buy your dad some new ones or better still do the work himself rather than treating your dad like a servant.

Honestly it’s broken my heart. I get it’s annoying, I’m not saying it’s not annoying, but my husband acts like he wears them all the time???? And he doesn’t???? My dad just needed something that wasn’t going to get wrecked like his slippers I got him. My husband just seems so ungrateful? I feel like he secretly hates them? Despite how much they love and do for us. His parents don’t even slightly compare and he honestly does f all; or takes him about 12 weeks to do the smallest thing.

I get that, and my dad has pongy feet sometimes, but it’s the lack of seeing the wider picture that’s bugging me. I’m not saying my dad’s right, but we would struggle without my family honestly. Like just get over it???

I would say "Buy your dad his own pair of sliders for when he's at your house doing gardening your husband should be doing" but that's not the actual problem, is it? The problem is that your DH is a dickhead.

I’m heart broken, how can a fucking pair of sliders bother him this much????? What am I supposed to do?????? It’s genuinely like he wants a fucking apology from my dad???? My parents would be so offended. I did kind of mention it to my mum in a subtle jokey way, and she’s obviously told my dad and probably why he said something today. They obviously feel bad and awkward????? What the actual fuck though,

I imagine that your parents being lovely, helpful, supportive, hardworking people is making your pointless DH feel unsettled.

Your DH sounds like a lazy git and he’s being a drama queen about the sliders, but surely you can just buy another pair for your dad and keep them there to avoid this conflict? I think this is kind of beside the point though, and what you have is not a shoe problem but a DH problem. My sister is married to a man like this, lets my parents do everything as he’s absolutely useless and then he acts put out that they have saved him a ton of work 🙄

it sounds like your parents are taking up quite a lot of space in your lives. I can see this is lovely for you but maybe dh finds it a bit too much? He comes from a more hands off family.

Yeh but how can you live like that? I don’t ever make him feel like he isn’t enough or anything like that. We are generally very good, but he’s just fucking lazy, his mum and dad just didn’t encourage him to do more. They charged him rent because he earned more and he lived at home till we met, they were those kind of parents, which is fine, but like, you didn’t exactly teach him any house pride lol. I make them sound horrible, they’re not, but my parents treat my husband like a son. I’m not always made to feel like a daughter by my in laws, the only help is grandchildren help; and to be honest, I have them with them a day a week because I knew they would love it, it’s not through lack of childcare; if I need an additional day at nursery, I could do it, but I know how much both grandparents wanted a day each.

Yes you’re spot on, but my parents are with us on Mondays to help with the kids. And we go to their house every other week and stay one night because they live an hour away. And we always agreed that was ok to do before we even got married!

Yeah it’s not a shoe problem to be honest cos that’s a simple answer, it’s more how he’s reacting about it

But maybe it isn’t alright anymore? Maybe he’s struggling with seeing them quite so much. Ask him. He’s your husband and you can change things if he’s finding it hard.

I just feel like it’s a more deep rooted issue. You wouldn’t ever be able to tell, he seems to fake it so well? But then shit like this happens and I’m so blind sided. I’m like wtf are you serious? Where is this coming from?!!!!

ultimately, my husband and children come first now, I have to put them first and my parents promote that. What can I say to him now??? He says it’s not a big deal when he’s calm but then just blows up randomly?

@need2ventmama id feel weird someone wearing my shoes but. Id absolutely suck it up and just buy a new pair .
Your husband doesn’t know how lucky you both are.

Hold up. You stay the night because they live an hour away? It's not exactly the ends of the earth!

As a PP said, maybe it's all getting too much for him? I was totally team #DHisadickhead, but am now tending towards team #DHistotallyfedup.

AMEN, You hit the nail on the head

I don’t think that’s fair though; my parents aren’t overbearing. When we go down to see them it’s a form of respite, we get to go out together without the kids, see my brother etc. we try to spend time with his family but they don’t like going out and don’t even enjoy meals together. They don’t do anything my husband likes to do, whereas my family do?

You're having a laugh surely - broken hearted??

Like hell would I want my father-in-law's 'pongy' feet in my sliders. Fuck that. Would you expect him to lend your dad his undercrackers too, just to 'truly go above and beyond'??

Suggestions for a 3-step solution…

• buy your husband a new pair of sliders
• don't see quite as much of your parents - I think staying overnight once a fortnight may be too much for him
• most importantly- if your husband is unwilling to step up and do his fair share, you may want to reevaluate the relationship

I sense a fair bit of resentment on your part….. and resentment kills love. If you cannot see a constructive way forward, you’ll need a (long-term) plan.

What a massively over informative post just to say your dad borrows your DH's sliders and he doesn't want him to.

But the man a pair of his own.

The end!

Why not start a thread entitled "Would you stay the night with your in laws every fortnight?" and see how it goes 😆

lol! Underwear isn’t the same though!!!!! He’s just needed them to do some work outside for us that’s all. It’s just sliders we can buy a new pair surely

And yeah broken hearted, my husband seems to hate my parents babe. Not cos of the shoes

Your h sounds like a proper knobber