Do you ever feel too cynical? A bit too ^hard^ with the world?

[Pavlovthecat]

I have been feeling of late rather more abrupt about things. Its hard to explain. I feel less tolerant of other peoples problems. I have much more of a 'well thats life deal with it' attitude.

And today, I was feeling particularly harsh and I just thought 'when did I become so emotionally hard' like a shell almost?

I think I know when it started. Mum died last year and some family difficulties left me with significantly less of a family.

I sort of feel a but more that I should look after me and my family first and formost and have a lot less sympathy for others. Much less than I used to.

Is this a normal process of growing up, becoming more cynical, perhaps a little more distrusting, impatient with wingers and moaners? Thinking people should just shut the fuck up and sort their shit out?

I am not sure I like feeling this way.

Its not like eating me up or anything, just something I am noticing more and more, and feel like it is starting to define me more than I would like...

Fire away...!

Must just be me then!

I am sure I will get over it after a good nights sleep.

This happened to me when I was nineteen and I'm afraid it's just getting worse and worse, I try to be optimistic but there are some real smashed crab faces around.

Pavlov

I have felt like this pretty much my entire life and am sadly widely regarded as a hard faced cow.

It did get to the point where I wanted to be a little softer (more human) especially at work, where I manage a large team. I think I have managed this a bit as I am currently off on maternity leave and this has given me a few less edges all round.
I'm sure my impatience and agression with peope will come back to the fore when I return to work, but hopefully I am a bit more aware of it now and can curb it.

I definitely still feel the 'that's life get on with it' thing, but am probably a bit more tolerant of people's problems and am working really hard to be empathetic and practically helpful.

I didn't have any excuses for being like this, no real traumas in life, just a shell as you say. Self preservation I think.

Pavlov, I feel much the same.

Have had a few bereavements over the last few years, a few hard knocks.

I am not hard, more like hardened - there is a difference- and I am extremely tough.

It can be a protection, though.

Erm, random musings really, take no notice

Yes, my post went a bit random too, sorry.

Strange - I wonder if I have always been like this. I have had a reputation for speaking my mind and being a bit 'open'. But I have never really seen it, and I have always seen the best in people, wanted to help everyone, no matter who they are or what they need, or why. I have always I suppose made excuses for people's faulty behaviour, this reason or that reason.

Now, I just find myself thinking. God what on earth do you have to whine about? Friends of mine tell me their problems and I think, oh for gods sake shut up, you made this problem, get on with it.

Its not that I think my problems are worse than others. I have no real pressing issues other than same as others. I have a good life, good DH, wonderful DD who makes me so very happy, a shite job but no different to many others (and I am working on changing, not moaning about it).

I watch tv and I am disheartened, people seem to want things for nothing, people seem less willing to try to make things work before giving up.

I also seem to see the negative in people more than the positive. Again not distructively so, and I am aware I do it, so I try to look from the other side give people benefit of doubts, but I still think the thoughts.

Boys - thats what I mean. Not hard like 'you cant fuck with me', hardened is what I meant like 'i can take more shit, but the vulnerability has had to go to allow that to be the case' I feel less emotional about things that used to upset me.

But its almost like I am emotional, but its sort of, somewhere else.

Oh rambling, all my posts are rambling. I wish I was eloquent with my musings

yes, life is cynical

Latenight ramblings are good Pavlov.

I am very very soft with those close to me, but it takes a lot to let someone 'in' as it were.

southeastastra - but when did you start feeling it?

I have always had a cynical side, been notorious for it, but I have never really felt it until now. Its seem to be quite sudden.

I guess the experiences of the last year or so have impacted on my life, and it is of course true that experiences are what makes us who we are, but I had never really noticed my personailty developing/changing/becoming more concrete.

I feel less flexible. I think thats it. Wow talking does help doesn't it!

It's both a curse and a blessing I think and being aware of it and how you are perceived is the key.

Friends will often come to me for advice if they feel they need some motivation, some options, or a definitive answer to something.

They will not come to talk to me about emotional/relationship or other very personal issues and this is very sad - I would like to be a better friend. My best friend did not feel able to tell me she had PND and was taking anti-depressents as she did not want me to think less of her and that she wasn't coping. She was able to tell our other friends, just not me.
Conversely, none of my friends were able to talk to me when I had 2 miscarriages recently, they thought I was fine and didn't need to talk about it. So, being hard faced definitely not always a good thing...

I think i've been a bit of a walkover all my life, but now know what is important, I've had some major shit over the years and I find now that I couldnt give a crap about other people's winging and problems and want to tell them to shut the fuck up! Not a good trait in my job!

I would say I am like this too- a cynic. I do not suffer fools gladly, and speak my mind, plainly, almost bluntly.
I can be diplomatic when I want to, but most of the time, I want to cut to the chase as it were.
It seems to me its a mechanism of protection, its easier to not get hurt, or to get the first blow in.

The other aspect I wonder about (whether you see this in yourself) is I have autistic traits- not actually on the spectrum afaik but definitely tendencies. My cynicism/bluntness is more enhanced the more depressed I am- when I'm not depressed, its definitely more 'sheathed' for want of a better word. Presumably this is due to socialisation rather than anything else.

That's interesting EachPeach what other tendancies?
Definitely grew from a self preservation thing for me.

I can easily see and understand other people's emotions however, I just get frustrated, embarrassed, impatient with them. Well, I am trying NOT to do this...

Boys - same here.

And those close to me see the me that will do anything for them. But that is because I know they will do anything for me, and so even that is cynical. There are not too many people that close to me, few who think they are, and a very few who actually are.

Outwardly I think I am mostly still kind, with my say things as I see them. But my say things as I see them have always been a bit more edited, recently they have been less so. I try to say things with tact. When I was younger, I did not have to try, I was more fluent in tact.

I am worried DH might think I am turning into a bitter old woman before his eyes!

i've felt it all my life, a sense of injustice

I am glad it is not just me, and that others experience it in similar ways to me.

Strange - I suffered a bereavement too, well I actually suffered more than that, my mother and father (although I dont always count my father death as a bereavement as such, hardly knew him), but I lost my sister and her family too. Its difficult to know what came first tho for me in terms of my attitude tho towards others.

I was pregnant when my mum was diagnosed with the big C, and I felt when DD was born and mum died, people did not support me, or DH for that matter. We were first time parents and we sort of got deserted.

A while later I went out with a friend for a drink, and my mum came up in conversation. She said (paraphrase) 'you knew I was around though didnt you? I did not talk to you about it because you seemed fine, and I did not want to make it harder for you, and you knew you could talk to me'

So, was it that I was always like this, and like you people thought I coped with everything fine as I did not moan all over the place, or have I become like this because people were not there for me? I think certainly some of the latter, but maybe it was my own manner that made that so in the first place.

Oh who knows. I should probably go to bed. I feel a bit, well, disjointed right now. A sleep will help.

Night all, feel free to keep posting and chatting about it, I will check it in the morning for some more insightful comments!
xx

I need things to be very ordered.
I can't stand noise.
I have serious issues using the telephone because I can't see the person I'm talking to.
I see patterns in data.
I interpret maps preternaturally, and have an accompanying sense of direction- if I've ever been somewhere, I can find that way again... even if it was 30 years ago.
I 'collect' ...not things (no room, too much attachment) but intangibles, such as names, and other information.

Perhaps the cynicism comes from being introspective. Pavlov- your friend said you 'seemed fine' because you kept your feelings concealed.

Could I ask the question- do you all have very high standards/expectations- of yourself and others?

eachpeach - i am ordered about some things, hardly any, but those I am ordered about, its essential. Think its a touch of OCD, according to DH it absolutely, but can see the funny side of it but not that bad. For example - my bedroom. Curtains have to be closed, no light, if there is, have to adjust. Creases have to be roughly equal. Bedsheets have to be flat with no creases, same with duvet, has to be straight and tucked in. Pillows have to be feather and fluffed properly. Light off, door closed, no noise. If any of these things dont occur I get a headache!

I also have issues on phone, for same reasons, but mainly as I hate the silence you get when you just dont know what to say but should perhaps say something!

How do you manage with the noise and order? Least you dont get lost. Does not apply to me. I get lost all the time!

Pavlov- just checked yr profile- do you think this has anything to do with your line of work?

eachpeach - yes I do. Absolutely. And often, more often than not, they are not met. In particular from others. Less from myself, I set myself high goals but work hard to achieve them. I sometime wonder if I set other people up to fail. I sort of expect them to and it surprises me if they dont. More so lately.

You have thoughts on that?

I know, I know, I said I was going to sleep. But I had a quick look before bed!

Night Pavlov, it's good to reflect on life.

EachPeach

I have very high standards that apply only to me. If that makes sense.

Any way, am going to wander off to bed soon.

take care, it's been good

eachpeach - well yes i think to an extent. But its hard to know where it starts and where it crosses over.

I feel more cynical in my job, but dont know if my job makes me cynical, or if other things make me more cynical about my job. I never used to be. I always thought people could better themselves, given opportunity people would jump at the chance of becoming better people, changing their lives.

But I find this to be less and less true, not just in my work but in so many areas of life and it drives me nuts.