Feeling silly for crying 😅😭

[Cheekychiq]

Hi guys, posting because I feel a bit silly about what had happened…what would you have done?

So, not gonna go into detail but my husband and I have been really struggling financially for the past couple of months…we know that it’s only for the time being but it’s still been pretty challenging and some weeks we do struggle to afford enough food to last us until the end of the month 🥲 but like I said, I know it’s only temporary and there’s better coming. However, I do rely on my family from time to time and I’ve found myself relying on them a little more than usual during these tough times for obvious reasons…my family are very supportive and I’ve not had a reason to feel uncomfortable about asking them for help. I do sometimes feel a bit embarrassed to have to ask because maybe there is a little bit of pride deep down but overall it’s usually fine.

However, recently we’d run out of some essential items and I felt too embarrassed to ask for help but I swallowed my pride and asked my mum to buy milk for my young child. She gave me her debit card and I went into the shop with the sole intention of buying milk and nothing else. However, whilst I was there we had a short phone conversation and she said I could add a few other bits and bobs (if I didn’t have any at home) and of course I was pleased and shopped for other items, yet I didn’t realise that the amount would go up to £49 at the checkout.

when I got back to the car my mum saw the amount of items and didn’t seem too pleased and I received a bit of a lecture (not a major one) but I apologised and let her know that I didn’t intend to buy that much and perhaps got a bit carried away. I also felt motivated because the fridge was quite empty at home🙊

when we got back to our house she made a few more comments here and there and for some reason I went to the kitchen and started to cry. I don’t know why I cried but I feel like it wasn’t really about her comments but maybe I’d been suppressing so many emotions and had perhaps not processed how our financial struggles were truly affecting me. She got annoyed that I was crying and thought it was because of her comments 😂 I mean, I get it, I’m fine with being reprimanded but the crying outburst did make me think a little bit🤔 In hindsight I felt quite silly for crying as a grown woman but I guess sometimes we got to let it out…AIBU for crying?

I mean, what extras did she say to get and what did you get?

It’s quite a jump to go from a few pints of milk to £49 worth of stuff. Is she particularly well off? Maybe she’s concerned about her own finances?

By your own admission, you were ‘motivated’ by a relatively empty fridge so perhaps that was clear to her and she’s a bit miffed?

Sounds like you were crying because you were a bit stressed about the situation at home (understandable) and about the worry of upsetting your Mum/being seen to be taking the micky, which clearly wasn't your intention.

Maybe, if you feel comfortable, have a chat with her and say you weren't offended by her comments, you're super grateful for her help and it's just a stressful time. Are you meal planning, OP? That can be helpful when money is tight

I think you felt shamed? But I have a family member who is struggling right now and reluctant to ask but if you’re on the bones of your arse then the help should be given without recriminations.

she said I could add jam, dish washing soap, toilet roll, and I ended up adding a bunch of other stuff like detergent, fabric conditioner etc😭😭 okay I definitely see where I went wrong here.

Yes I think this is deep down how I felt. Omg it’s tough having to ask for help!!

I haven’t been meal prepping as best as I could…but I do try to cook large meals to eat for a few days as opposed to cooking daily. I’m super grateful for her support though

Ok, well it looks like you bought notoriously more expensive things. Did you really need fabric conditioner? I don’t use it and it’s not needed to clean clothes?

Maybe your mum isn’t flush herself and doesn’t want share that this £50 will have an impact on her own finances? Or maybe she’s just miffed you spent her money without asking?

I think it’s about it having a bit of an impact on her own finances. But she said it’s all good and we can just move on from it

How awful for you, those items are all essentials and £49 doesn't buy much these days. It's not like you went buying wine & chocolates or toys for your dc. Maybe you could say to your Mum that you will gradually repay her and let her know how grateful you are. I hope things pick up for you soon.

Sorry, I don’t mean to come across as interrogative 😂 I just think I would be a bit pissed off if somebody spent £50 of my money when I said they could spend around a tenner on essentials too.

YANBU to cry though, being skint in the worst. I’ve been there but it does get better (hopefully!)

So, you asked for milk, and then you discussed adding some things, and then you added more than what was discussed.

It can be so hard to ask for help and admit you’re struggling. It can be harder when someone gives help, and then acts like you were a burden when it already didn’t feel good for you to ask in the first place.

Unfortunately, while you’re struggling, your mum might be struggling too. We want to do everything we can for our kids. It doesn’t make it less stressful when money we didn’t budget leaving, is gone. Your mum could have said “listen OP, things are a bit tight for me too, can you run it past me next time if you’re going to do a full shop on my card?” But mum is human too, and admitting you need help is hard.

If you want to avoid hurt feelings all around in future, maybe just a quick text to clarify if she’s able to cover any unplanned extras.

That would explain it then. I think most people are feeling the pinch and maybe she’s worried about her ability to sustain supporting you as well as herself?

Is your situation time-limited? Could you give her assurances you’re going to not need any financial support after X date?

True, yes my mum is very understanding don’t get wrong, I think it’s more about the emotions that I must have been suppressing, if that makes sense…like, the finances don’t usually bother me but gosh I was just in floods of tears 😭

No worries 😂 trust me, I would be even worse and proper tell you off if you spent my money like that 😂 but yeah temporarily being skint sucks

Absolutely, I think you put it really well here. I’m definitely going to clarify more and be more transparent

Fabric conditioner is NOT essential. It’s a completely pointless and unnecessary product.

Yes, that’s true, it’s not an essential item, but I felt like I really needed it at the time

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling OP, but I think I'd be pissed off if I gave my adult DD my debit card to get some milk, and a few essentials, and she spent almost fifty quid!

Does your mum see you spending money on other stuff? Maybe she is worried about your spending habits and current situation.

I remember my DD at uni phoning me saying she had an empty fridge and payday was a while off .... I txf some money then found out from her sister a few days later that she'd got a tattoo!!

Yeah I understand that completely. I didn’t even realise it would end up being that high tbh

Oh wow 😯 yes she does worry about my spending habits a bit because I don’t do budgeting very well, I’ve definitely gotten better though

Pretty cheeky to ask for money for milk and then spend nearly £50!!

Arrrfh I know 😭😭

To be fair you could have gone without fabric conditioner and bought a pound Fairy liquid if you're strapped. In my book they're not really essentials maybe she felt the same.

Tell your mum the truth.