You know what? I commit "benefit fraud "and I think I'm justified

[ScroungingSingleMum]

I'm a single mum , whose ex left three years ago and has consistently refused to pay anything (and I mean anything - not even a penny) in maintenance.

From my benefits (£59 IS, £45 CTC, £18 CB - so a total of £122 a week) I am losing £15.26 a week in repayments for the loan I had to take out to secure my child and myself a home after ex did a vanishing act and the council refused to house us. Every week I need to pay nearly £15 for gas and electricity (yes, the heating is on a low setting, but we live in a cold rural area and have no double glazing), £4.50 for TV licence, £4 for Water, £8 for phone/internet connection (yes, I know its not a necessity but I have to have some way to get contact with the rest of the world - being on my own in the countryside means I don't get out much), £4.50 every time we need to get the bus into town for shopping/doctor/library/semblance of social life etc, £15 for the taxi home if I need to do a big shop, oh and feed us a healthy diet, clothe/shoe us adequately, find the money to take my child to see ex (I know thats not my job, but if I didn't do it the relationship would be lost which would IMO be a tragedy for my child), I try to save something, however small, so that we have a fallback fund for holidays/birthdays/disasters...

I am entitled to keep £10 of any maintenance ex pays - but he doesn't pay any, so we don't get that premium.

I refuse to get into debt (other than the Budgeting Loan from the Social Fund that I have) and we do not have a car, or a big new telly (we have one that I found in a skip in fact). I economise wherever I can but its very very hard.

So... I clean the old lady three-doors-down's house for four hours a week for £6 an hour. It means I can have a bottle of wine once in a while, or a coffee before getting the bus 6 miles home after a morning luging the shopping round town, or have a friend over for a meal sometimes, or buy new (by which I mean secondhand-but-new-to-me) clothes every now and then.

And you know what? If you begrudge me that then fuck you.

yes, it is unfair. That people LIKE YOU perceive single mothers on benefits as shit. The only person I've ever seen use the term "benefit mummy" is you. And you're telling me how horrid and unjustified it is? Stop spreading it then!

My feelings are real too, and you've angered and upset me! Don't roll over and start whining "please don't undermine me" - defend your views, or retract them.

Read the posts - when did I say they WERE crossed out, I said I FELT crossed out.

I have defended my views admirably, without resorting to name calling.

Why do you, as someone who has never claimed benefits, find the definition I give myself as a person who was on benefits, so offensive?

Your comments imply that the LP's who look after their children exceptionally well, are the same ones who are working.

Which ain't necessarily so.

I agree with Greensleeves, you are perpetuating the stereotype that you acknowledge is so unfair.

see, I would say that "be more than a benefit mummy" IS namecalling, but in a more insidious and disingenuous way. I called you a right-wing snob, and I'm still here defending it.

Thank you for disagreeing without name calling.

It wasn't the intention to perpetuate the myth - I just want it to be challenged more and there's only one set of people who can truly do that - I am (was?) one of them.

And lol at you calling yourself 'admirable'. Your self-worth recovered, then

Greeny - you haven't explained why you find me calling myself a name so offensive?

so by telling mothers on benefits that they are lesser, you are 'challenging the myth' that they are lesser? Pull the other one!

littlebella - I agree that many SAHM and SAHD who are on benefits are excellent - thought it read like that, but just to clarify.

You didn't call youself a name, you posted "be more than a benefit mummy" to the OP. When you were pulled up for it you started saying that you meant yourself and were projecting etc.

I don't believe you can't see why calling anothe mother less because she is on benefits is offensive (look, no passive-aggessive smileys here!)

Greeny - you still haven't answered the question

Notdoing - will stop now. Do want to break the stereotype, personally I found it very restricting.

Base line benefits for all, then no-one would have to feel put out or as though they needed to fiddle the system.

But I don't see how you are challenging the myth by saying that bringing up children isn't as valid as working in the cash economy.

The fact is anyone can become a lone parent at any time. If they have been brainwashed into thinking LP's are shit, they are going to feel like shit when it happens to them. The period when you have just split from your ex/ been widowed is the most vulnerable period for your children and one where many LPs feel it is most important for them to be at home for their kids. They're going to be psychologically fucked if they think at the same time, that doing that makes them shit. So let's stop pretending it's shit, shall we?

I did answer your question , didn't you read it? Here it is again:

"You didn't call youself a name, you posted "be more than a benefit mummy" to the OP. When you were pulled up for it you started saying that you meant yourself and were projecting etc.

I don't believe you can't see why calling anothe mother less because she is on benefits is offensive (look, no passive-aggessive smileys here!)"

Oh it would be so nice to come back to this thread and see some informed pov instead of a tiresome slanging match between two posters who can't/won't/and never will agree.

Sorry we're not highbrow enough for you eekamouse, try the Guardian forums

that's the trouble with public boards, they're all clogged up with the ignorant tiresome public

Greeny likes having tiresome slanging matches and she is perfectly within her rights to have one on this thread

(it stops her from cluttering up the streets anyway)

I don't think the Guardian fora are any more highbrow than this one are they?

Mind you, they probably don't have loads of threads starting how furious people are about the next door neighbour's telly and the like.

I agree with notdoingthehousework. We all make choices in life and our benefits system in this country allows us to do so even if we do have to make sacrifices. It's not ideal...no system can be..... and unfortunately there are people who abuse that system, no matter how they justify it. But op should be happy that there are people who don't wish to be sah parents/home educators for whatever personal or moral reasons because if we all decided to do so I imagine there wouldn't be enough benefits to go round. Her life may not be ideal but we all make sacrifices for what we believe in. Whether that be deciding to work and place our kids in childcare or making financial sacrifices to stay at home with our children. I think we should try to respect each others decisions without resorting to a slanging match.

LOL at fora - we're in England, not ancient Rome

(cue all the Welsh and Scots complaining, not to mention the antipodeans etc etc)

wankers' latin

I'm not familiar with that dialect, GS - I only know Pig Latin and Dog Latin